How do you deal with a condused ex

LegacyUser

Hey guys, going unreg for this hope yiz don't mind. It's a very long story so I'll make it short. Ok, me and my boyfriend broke up 10 months ago, both in our early 30's and were going out for 3 yrs. No major reason it just seemed to get 2 serious, all our friends were getting married n stuff and he panicked, anyway since then we never really took a break from each other, to this day we go out all the time, we go the pictures every week and we go for drives out to the beach and the mountain n stuff, we are always messing and flirting, we talk all the time and text each other every single day.

Neither of us has been with anyone since we broke up, but I guess my question is this, what do I do? I told him ages ago how I felt and he said he still loves me but needs more time, he seems to go from being all over me most of the time to pulling away from me, like he can't make up his mind. I'm still very much heartbroken over him, I always thought we would end up together, I love him very very much and can't seem to be able to move on I guess. We have tried not being friends I told him before to stay away as I was in 2 much pain, but yet we always seem to fall back 2gether, my question is this, what should I do?

Apologies for it being long. Thanks guys.

Kell

brokenhearted wrote:

since then we never really took a break from each other, to this day we go out all the time, we go the pictures every week and we go for drives out to the beach and the mountain n stuff, we are always messing and flirting, we talk all the time and text each other every single day.

ALARM BELLS. How get you get over him if you see him all the time? And fcuk this "he needs more time" crap. How is that helping you.

A strict diet of not seeing eachother for a good while is in order with perhaps a side order of getting under someone.

brokenhearted wrote:

I told him before to stay away as I was in 2 much pain

So why do you keep doing it? Look, I know there is always "theres no one else in the world for me boo hoo" and its the fear of the unknown that keeps you insisting on suffering heartache. Give it about three weeks of no contact and you'll be thinking "jeebus, what was I at"?

Really though. This is a case of not seeing the woods for the tree's. Quit the contact.

I could be really blunt and think the worst and say "he's happily using you until he finds someone else". There, I said it.

K-

Ruu_Old

I have to agree with Kell, the contact has to stop. No wonder you are confused, you need to give each other some space. You think you have gotten over him, the chances are is that you probably haven't. You are just tormenting yourself imo.

secret_squirrel

Kell summed it up nicely I'm afraid.

You two never really broke up, the nature of your relationship just changed.

Some sort of half way house relationship isnt healthy - especially as both of you seem to be in denial about it.

Quit him and it or get back together. Make a decision and stick to it.

theTinker

All my experience thought me the same thing. Being around each other like that and expecting it to sort itself out is never gonna work...never ever. i did it for 2 years!!!

sure hes getting u when ever he really feels the urge so hes not gonna be able to sum up his feelings to himself about what it would be like without you.

Stop seeing him and re-evaluate how u feel about him, After time he will come back and you can have him or not depending on how u decided you felt, or else he wont and you'll be having a breakup that can be gotten over properly although painfully. Neither will happen if u keep hanging with him.

Be straight and honest, You dont want him as just a friend, theres no shame in that at all. Its too difficult for you and causing you unhappiness so you will stop seeing him. Its just looking after your emotional well being.

ps: if u take the advice, get yourself at least 2 friends that can be on 24/7 emergency call or text duty for when u weaken its very normal .....I am sorry for your situation.

GAA widow

hi brokenhearted - ****e situation to be in - was in similar situation about a year ago - guy was "confused". Walk away, cut off contact, get on with your life and looking after yourself. you want someone who's decisive about you - being with someone who's "iffy" about you isn't exactly going to do wonders for your self-esteem.
you are still "being there" for your boyfriend in a "supportive" capacity which obviously reflects the kind of loving and kind-hearted person you are - however he sees that you are there for him no matter what so he can basically be as indecisive about ye for as long as he wants in the knowledge that you won't be with anyone else and will stand by him. Bottom line is he's the one in control here. Take the control back, i.e. cut off things with him and get your own life back on track. Worst case scenario you will meet someone else who is actually decisive about you - best case scenario he'll cop on that you're moving on and won't want to lose you and buck up and get his act together. Luckily the latter happened to me...found the emotional upset totally overwhelming at the time but we did get back together and got engaged last month. think the break up was the best thing that ever happened to us actually in hindsight.

LegacyUser

Hi Guys, thanks for all your replies and I know deep down that you are all right, I know I do need to cut off all contact, I guess I know it's just going to be hard and I'm dredding it, as he is my best friend and he was even before we got together, and I know I will miss that freadfully he's also best friends with my brother which doesn't really help. You are right though, he does rely on me an awfull lot even though we're not together any more. The Thinker is right though, it is making me be unhappy and I know this sounds soppy and crap, but even when I'm around him I feel soo much better, I know that sounds pathetic, but that's how I feel, even though I tell myself to get over it and cop on!..I guess I thought that if we stayed close that we would get back together and at times it did seem like we would, but I guess I was wrong..But 10 months on I'm still crying over him and that's not right.

Marksie

Brokenhearted wrote:

he's also best friends with my brother which doesn't really help.

You are right though, he does rely on me an awfull lot even though we're not together any more.

..But 10 months on I'm still crying over him and that's not right.

As Kell points out you have to break contact.

And your brother is ok with the affect that this is having on you after 10 months? While some could argue that it is not his business to get involved.. i would be dreadfully concerned if it was happening to a family member of mine.

It is unfair that he should be relying on you like this

Dreamer 7

What r u his babysitter, I really dont mean to be nasty but ffs! You "broke up " months ago but still go out during the week and txt everyday???

If you happened to meet a new man (in those few seconds that ur ex isnt involved) how do think it would look? Or if ur new man had an ex he spent all his time with??
Its not healthy , as the others said get some space and find out who you are! Good Luck!