a matter of trust

linryan

I dont know if im over reacting to this or not but i'd appreciate some other opinions.
My boyfriend and i both work in the same place in Dublin. He came over to me and asked me to check a link he was emailed as i have net access in work and he doesnt.
The link was in an email from his mate who was travelling around the world, and he had sent a link with some pictures. Anyway, i logged in for my bf but then he started to panic and said oh wait you can read this mail, there's something about you in it, and i could see my name but couldnt make out what it said cause he was moving the mouse. I asked what it said but he wouldnt tell me.
Then he opened the link, looked at the pictures and when he was done, went quickly into the mail again, deleted it and emptied the trash folder, i asked him if he didnt trust me not to read it and he said, well if it was him he would read it. When he was gone, (proving him right), i tried to log back in to his email but he has changed his pw.
Now this pisses me off. It was obviously bad or he would let me read it, and he made sure to delete the mail and change the pw so there must have been other emails that mentioned me. He's never ever been like that before, its the first time he's gone out of his way to hide something from me. Should i be worried?

sorry i know its really long!

Ruu_Old

Well if he has never been like this before, then why should he behave strangely all of a sudden. If it is bothering you then ask him if he has something to hide from you. It could all be innocent too, could be planning something for you, etc. You don't have any right to read his emails, regardless if it says your name in them. You both need to talk about it.

petes

Do you talk to your mates about your boyfriend and not tell him what you were talking about. People talk.

No He's entitled to his privacy especially in his e-mail
You being his girlfriend you have some part in his private life and the stuff he doesn't share!
Mind your business!

LadyJ

You're right to be a bit freaked out. I know I would be anyway!

He's entitled to his privacy but if it's bothering you then ask him about it and explain how you feel. If he doesn't tell you then don't fret. If it's anything to worry about then you're sure to find out in the end and if it's not then who cares!

galah

None of your business, it's his email!

And just to put a different spin on things - it could be something really nice - like he's thinking about aksing you to marry him, or discussing your birthday presents, or a surprise for you - it does not always have to be negative...

linryan

lol i know he's definitely not planning to propose but yeah maybe, my birthday is coming up in oct.
i know he has a right to privacy and im not one of those girlfriends who demands to know who he's txtin and all that, it just how quickly he reacted and then deleted the mail, its really out of character for him

Magic Pips

Well you need to talk to him, tell him you know something is up and ask him to tell you as much as he can...

Bottom line is trust... you dont trust him... talk to him about it

Chinafoot

galah wrote:

None of your business, it's his email!

And just to put a different spin on things - it could be something really nice - like he's thinking about aksing you to marry him, or discussing your birthday presents, or a surprise for you - it does not always have to be negative...

This what popped into my head when I read your post.

If he actually said "you can't read it, theres something about you in it" then I seriously doubt theres anything sinister going on.

Chances are he's planning something nice for your birthday.

People are actually entitled to their privacy even from a boyfriend or Girlfriend.

For all you know,the mail could have been for a surprise that he was planning for you or something else like that.

Also mates talk about their partners all the time,sometimes in a jokey way that wouldnt want to be heard by the person involved.
That doesnt involve malice,its just normal.They also give each other advice which may or may not be taken on board but one thing is sure, if the advice was about you and it was sensitive,he wouldnt want you reading it and that is reasonable tbh.

You're miffed because you now have a little knowledge that you were being talked about and that is natural.
My advice is to let it go and forget about it because theres loads of things said every day about people that the subject is not ordinarally supposed to hear and this falls into that category.

linryan

Tristrame wrote:

You're miffed because you now have a little knowledge that you were being talked about and that is natural.
My advice is to let it go and forget about it because theres loads of things said every day about people that the subject is not ordinarally supposed to hear and this falls into that category.

you're right. im not even going to bring it up with him. I didnt think of it like that, i talk to my girlfriends about him sometimes, i guess it works both ways

Love2love

sounds to me like he wanted you to know about this mail and the fact that you were in it, hence making such a big deal of it, so I would say that its probably something nice for you.

LundiMardi

well... i would be freaked out to... and VERY paranoid...

However, the other posters are right when they said that if it were something bad, then he wouldn't have blatently pointed it out!!!

So yeah, try not to worry.. but come your birthday, if you don't get a trip to rome or something, start worrying.

Black Swan

Yes, he has a right to privacy as you do. Then again, this now bothers you and may affect your relationship, so I think it wise to discuss it with him. It may be very innocent. It could just be guy-talk and he didn't want to embarrass you or him. It could have been a surprise for you that he was planning? Now, should you allow him to take rather revealing pictures of you, and he is now posting them on the web without your permission, that would be a whole different can of worms! Talk.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

should you be worried? why again. because he wont let you read a personal mail from a mate.

erm.. no you shouldn't. what you should do is mind your own business.
i doubt if he is interested in everything you and your girlfriends have to say to each other.
best thing to do is to try and find something a little better to have a hissy fit over.

chillywilly

petes wrote:

Do you talk to your mates about your boyfriend and not tell him what you were talking about. People talk.

good point;)

Mrs_Doyle

I would definitely want to know what was said and I would be asking him about it right now.
Ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned.
I don't think you should let it go, I think its going to bother you till you get an answer.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

I would definitely want to know what was said and I would be asking him about it right now.
I don't think you should let it go,

maybe you misunderstood the op... see they are only going out with each other and as far as i know, men don't have to give up the right to live until they are married.

linryan

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

should you be worried? why again. because he wont let you read a personal mail from a mate.

erm.. no you shouldn't. what you should do is mind your own business.
i doubt if he is interested in everything you and your girlfriends have to say to each other.
best thing to do is to try and find something a little better to have a hissy fit over.

Its not that he wont let me read a personal mail, i've know his pw for months and never gone in to read his mails, what im wondering about is whatever had been said about me he freaked out when i thought i saw it and deleted the mail, then made sure to change the pw.

I dont call this having a hissy fit either! i havent even mentioned it to him. All im doing is looking for other opinions, thanks for yours.

Mrs_Doyle

\m/_(>_<)_\m/ wrote:

maybe you misunderstood the op... see they are only going out with each other and as far as i know, men don't have to give up the right to live until they are married.

Thank you for your concern, but I can assure you that I did indeed understand the OP - and my sentiments remain the same.

I am unsure of where I made reference to, or suggested that, the man be required to give up his right to live - perhaps you could refresh my memory with a quote that I may have missed?

OP, talk to your boyfriend - ask him how he would feel if you did the same to him - get to the bottom of it, only then will your mind be at ease.

Chucky the tree

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

ask him how he would feel if you did the same to him.

I wouldnt care and i think most men wouldnt. I would be curious but after a day i would of forgotten all about it.


I dont really see what he could be saying that would be bad. If he was saying how much of a gob****e she was etc etc i am sure he would of broken up with her already.

Chances are he was planning something or talking about their sex life.

linryan

well i dont much like the idea of him discussing our sex life with his mates. I dont think many women would

Chinafoot

linryan wrote:

well i dont much like the idea of him discussing our sex life with his mates. I dont think many women would

Ok no offence but unless you've never discussed your sex life with your friends, which I seriously doubt, then you can't really condemn him if that is what is in the e-mail.

However, if you have known his password for months this guy obviously trusts you. I think you are totally over-reacting to this and I stil find it hard to believe that a guy would say something like "oh crap, you can't read this one there's something about you in it" if it was something that was going to damage your relationship. He'd want to be pretty stupid otherwise.

I'm pretty sure most men would be aware that when you say something like that to a woman she will be like a dog with a bone until she finds out whats going on (as evidenced by this thread).

If it is bothering you that much then say it to him. Tell him you're feeling paranoid about it and you want to know whats going on. But be prepared for the possibility that your paranoia might ruin what could be a really nice birthday surprise, who knows?

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

peachypants wrote:

If it is bothering you that much then say it to him. Tell him you're feeling paranoid about it and you want to know whats going on. But be prepared for the possibility that your paranoia might ruin what could be a really nice birthday surprise, who knows?

that not a bad piece of advice, but remember it may not only a birthday surprise you may ruin.
no man wants to go out with a un-trusting,paranoid bunny boiler...
not saying for one minute your a bunny boiler.

Catari Jaguar

Well when something similar happened with my boyf it turned out he was emailing his ex behind my back and lying about it. :mad: Not very pleasant. Dunno if I would have preffered not to know now. Relationship hasn't been the same since... Anyways! Just ask him, and say his not trusting you is making you upset and paranoid and it may lead to unresolvable trust issues.

\m/_(>_<)_\m/

Lil Kitten wrote:

Anyways! Just ask him, and say his not trusting you is making you upset and paranoid and it may lead to unresolvable trust issues.

erm.... i think you may have got it fundamentally wrong.

she is the one not trusting him. he doesn't even know that their is an issue,

the op is going on about a personal email sent to him and him alone I would love to find out what he would say if he knew he personal life is been splashed all over the Internet and been discussed in depth by a pack of stranger.

hypocritical.... i think so.

Dub_Ster

you shouldnt jump to conlclsuion he might be takeing you on a hoilday r something nice like that and doesnt want to ruin the suprise ..thats really negitive....