No motivation to continue/make something of my life

LegacyUser · 14-09-2006 4:17pm #1

Any feel/ever felt this way?

alantc · 14-09-2006 4:41pm

Yeah. If you don't do something you'll always feel like that. Doing something makes doing something not seem so bad.

projectmayhem · 14-09-2006 4:43pm

not so much that i have no motivation to make something of my life, but i think currently i've no motivation to continue the path i'm taking... to the point where maybe 15 years of straight full time education is too much and i need a rest year or something. not sure what to do anymore....

14-09-2006 4:50pm

I don't see the point continuing or making an effort, its not worth it

Miss Fluff · 14-09-2006 4:56pm

Why do you think you feel like this 38141?

14-09-2006 4:59pm

there isnt anything there at the end of it all, working hard for what?

Miss Fluff · 14-09-2006 5:01pm

For personal gain and fulfilment? Is it just your job you don't like or would you feel like this about any job then?

DirkVoodoo · 14-09-2006 5:03pm

Is it with regards work? Or is it with regards relationships...cuz i know im in that boat, i cant ever seem to find a girlfriend.

Im not talking about the whole physical part, thats easy...i mean in "the notebook" kind of sense, someone you can share things with, someone who challenges you emotionally and mentally, and all that other corn-dog stuff.

Ive often wondered if there is someone out there for me, probably not, but hey, thats life.

If, however, its the work side, then there are many things...building a career is an exciting thing, not just working in a dead end job. Also, if you have family, then you are the provider for your children, giving them a good education and the chance of a good life.

Trinity · 14-09-2006 5:06pm

Depends really on how you look at it.

Yes there are times i feel like that i am sure everyone does. I suppose you can choose to be miserable or go out and do things that make you happy.

everyone needs something to strive for whether it is material gain, the best car, the best house, the most holidays or emotional stability - marriage, kids, family, love.

Whats your dream?

What would make you happy?

14-09-2006 5:08pm

yea relationships, no girlfriend can't find one, lonely, no friends, never go out, don't really want to live cos there's just no point

Ruu_Old · 14-09-2006 5:11pm

Everyone needs something to keep themselves going from day-to-day I think and everyone is has different goals in what they want out of life. I think you need to figure out what that is for you OP.

LegacyUser · 14-09-2006 5:18pm

There's people out there living life in wheelchairs, with no legs, with no arms, people with all sorts of diseases, people living in shanty towns with no money or barely any food and YOU can't find a reason to live?

I'm sorry if this seems harsh but people like you just strike me as selfish, the only person that can help you is YOU. Make an effort to find a job you like, make an effort to find a girlfriend, make and effort to want to live.

When life serves you lemons, go get the tequila and salt.

Miss Fluff · 14-09-2006 5:19pm

38141 wrote:

yea relationships, no girlfriend can't find one, lonely, no friends, never go out, don't really want to live cos there's just no point

If you never go out that perfect girl is hardly going to come knocking on your door and say "I hear there's this hot guy 38141 living here", now is she? Hmm? Life is what YOU make it and sometimes it can be all too easy to get overwhelmed if you look at all your problems collectively. Why don't you deal with the little things first and everything else should fall into place for you? How about trying to make friends with common interests first to help you get over these feelings of loneliness?:)

Trinity · 14-09-2006 5:19pm

38141 wrote:

yea relationships, no girlfriend can't find one, lonely, no friends, never go out, don't really want to live cos there's just no point

How will you make friends or find a girlfriend if you dont go out?

Join a club, start having some fun.

a girlfriend wont solve all your problems. It wouldnt be a particularly healthy relationship either if you were dependant on someone else for your happiness.

sitting at home wont change your frame of mind - you have to be willing to put some effort into it.

By going out you are at least trying something and you might even have fun in the process.

14-09-2006 5:20pm

when you go out people don't talk to strangers

Kell · 14-09-2006 5:21pm

38141 wrote:

yea relationships, no girlfriend can't find one, lonely, no friends, never go out, don't really want to live cos there's just no point

How long has this been going on for and can you put the above into some form of order in the way you see it. Do you not have a girlfriend or friends BECAUSE you never go out or do you not go out because you have no friends?

Also, what have you done to amend this? Its all very well complaining about it and getting sympathy, but what have you done to change your situation or, is it just not worth it?

K-

14-09-2006 5:23pm

I don't go out because I don't have any friends

Miss Fluff · 14-09-2006 5:25pm

38141 wrote:

when you go out people don't talk to strangers

You would at evening classes/sports club etc. Nobody is suggesting you engage randomers in conversation on the street. Have you any old school firends you could hook up with? Anyone you get on well with at work?

14-09-2006 5:27pm

I went to evening classes and every time people said little and just went straight home, ive tried going to evening classes as well as everything else people here have suggested over the past few years, and now i don't see any way out

Trinity · 14-09-2006 5:30pm

38141 wrote:

I don't go out because I don't have any friends

Make some. Do an evening course in something you are interested in. People make friends on places like this as well - board beers etc.

everyone is a stranger the first time you meet them. striking up conversation in a pub is harder than at a group activity etc.

If you are serious about life not worth living you really should talk to someone like family or even a professional.

14-09-2006 5:31pm

everyone has their friends made already, your a weirdo if your trying to make friends and your a local. "why doesn't he have any friends?"

free2fly · 14-09-2006 5:38pm

How old are you OP? Do you have any interests or talents? Perhaps you aren't able to find friends or a girfriend because of your negative attitude? People, women in particular, tend to pick up on the "whoa is me" attitude. It is not very conducive to wanting to begin a friendship or relationship. Have you spoken with anyone about your thoughts of ending it?

14-09-2006 5:40pm

Ive been talking to family and professionals for years, and again that hasn't helped. Look at me today! 27 years old

free2fly · 14-09-2006 5:42pm

What would you like to have happen in your life OP?

14-09-2006 5:46pm

i'd like for the pain to end. How? I don't know how. But I don't think i can end it tbh

GuanYin · 14-09-2006 5:48pm

Can you tell us a little bit more about yourself, your life and routine?

One of two things is happening here, either (A) you've gotten yourself into a rut and are one of those people by nature who finds it easier to moan than do anything about it or (B) you're suffering mild depression - I base this on nothing more than observation of the mindset you're portraying.

Of course, option (B) we can't work with and we can advise maybe you talk to a professional but that is it. Option (A) we can talk you through, although some do it in a nicer way than others.

14-09-2006 5:50pm

I'm not going to give out any more on myself for obvious reasons

free2fly · 14-09-2006 5:52pm

38141 wrote:

i'd like for the pain to end. How? I don't know how. But I don't think i can end it tbh

Well, that's honest. But can't you think of even one dream that you would like to fulfill? How about traveling? Is there somewhere in the world that you'd like to see?

14-09-2006 5:55pm

travelling will last for so long but eventually the money runs out and you have to return

cork-langer · 14-09-2006 6:00pm

Treat life as one big joke. I went through bouts of depression years ago, but one day i had what alcoholics refer to as 'a moment of clarity' and said fup this!
Since then i take nothing seriously.
suck it up and get on with life!

free2fly · 14-09-2006 6:03pm

38141 wrote:

travelling will last for so long but eventually the money runs out and you have to return

Yes that's true. But by traveling you may find a different place to live and work where you you will make new friends. And there is always the chance that you may find love as well. And perhaps a change of scenery, for a short time even, will help to change your outlook on things?

14-09-2006 6:20pm

I plan on travelling in a while and hope that something like that might happen. So I'm not totally without hope. But I went travelling a few years ago with the same hope and not much changed, as you can see.

GuanYin · 14-09-2006 6:25pm

38141 wrote:

I'm not going to give out any more on myself for obvious reasons

I'm not asking for your name, home address and bank account details, although if you want to supply that info it is your call.

But we need slightly more to work on than "I don't think I have friends and no girlfriend and it makes me very sad".

What type of job do you work in? Do you interact with co-workers? How many siblings do you have? What do you usually do at weekends? What do you do after work? Dio you drink alot? Do drugs? Are you ina city orrural area.

All these things are important.

seamus · 14-09-2006 6:30pm

38141 wrote:

travelling will last for so long but eventually the money runs out and you have to return

Not necessarily. It's possible to travel almost indefinitely, just moving around, finding random jobs to keep you going. I've a friend who left Ireland last December with a few grand in his pocket. His money ran out in April, but he's been bouncing around SouthEast Asia/Australia ever since, working different jobs (porter, barman, etc, etc) and using all his money to enjoy himself. He went with no-one, and has met loads of people and picked up a girlfriend who's been travelling with him.

Part of your posts seem to suggest that you're sick of where you are - your current location has you in a rut with minimal opportunites. Perhaps getting out of that place indefinitely could put some spark into your life. You don't have to be a vaggabond forever, but just until you realise what living is about.

14-09-2006 6:31pm

I've got a job I don't like, but i would like it like the rest of them there if I weren't depressed. I don't talk to my siblings and have been hiding this from parents because they're no help. I do nothing at weekends just wait for the time to pass. No drink or drugs. Every day is waiting. For nothing.

seamus last december is a short time to be travelling, he/she will return eventually because they will get sick of working in pubs

DirkVoodoo · 14-09-2006 6:37pm

38141 wrote:

I don't talk to my siblings and have been hiding this from parents because they're no help.

Thats the first thing you need to change. Your family love you and always will. Ok, so i dont know the ins and outs of your family, but all families have love, even the ones that fight.

Talk to your parents, let them in and let them help. Ive always found that my parents are the best people to talk to when you feel down, they only want whats best for you.

ronbyrne2005 · 14-09-2006 6:39pm

Only you can help yourself. If you were that badly depressed how can you work full time?? I think you need to talk to a counsellor or cognitive therapist, its your thinking that is causing you to feel like this .

free2fly · 14-09-2006 6:43pm

38141 wrote:

I plan on travelling in a while and hope that something like that might happen. So I'm not totally without hope. But I went travelling a few years ago with the same hope and not much changed, as you can see.

I would recommend that you when you travel you go without expectations. That way if nothing happens you won't be disappointed. And if it does, well, then you'll be that much more happy that it did.

Maybe if you focus on your upcoming trip it will take your mind off of things. Spend some time on the internet researching places to go and things to do while you're there. Maybe you can start a thread asking people who have been there to give you some suggestions? Who knows, maybe that to lead to some new friendships

14-09-2006 6:45pm

psi its that exact tone of yours that makes me think it's not worth it. What's the point in having to put up with **** arse's like this?

Marksie · 14-09-2006 6:51pm

OP...
I commute from laois to dublin every day. I dont get to see anybody during the week at all and i live alone.

I at one stage took up a craft as a hobby and i joined a group, fishin.. things that would get me out the house and into the world in general

Additionally i took up meditation and yoga and made freinds that way... but i found that i had to talk to people rather than let them come to me. it also helps to reconnect

It is a positive choice that you have to make to break the rut that you were in...

Not to sit in front of the telly every night.
Rather than counselling, have you tried life coaching? It may be more suitable for you to obtain your goals that way.

Rather than waiting for the weekend to pass, there is so much you can do..what part opf the country are you in? there are so many sights to see, whatever your interests... you just have to think of one that appeals to you.

Something simple like the cinema can help. initially.
Do you like sports... join a gym, sports club, society.
have alok online if there are any clubs or societies which appeal to you...

GuanYin · 14-09-2006 6:53pm

38141 wrote:

I've got a job I don't like, but i would like it like the rest of them there if I weren't depressed. I don't talk to my siblings and have been hiding this from parents because they're no help. I do nothing at weekends just wait for the time to pass. No drink or drugs. Every day is waiting. For nothing.

Are you tired alot? Do you have a loss/gain of appetite?
When you say professional help, do you mean a doctor?

My first advice would be go to a GP, have a chat, let him look you over. Sometimes talking to someone impartial is a good idea, hell that is why so many people find it so easy to talk personally on the internet, it is anonymous and there is no fear of judgement. There is nothing you can say to a GP that he/she won't have heard or seen before. Talking itself may feel good, sometimes the act of discussing details with another empathic human is all you need to get perspective. If you do actually suffer from depression, the GP may be able to point you in the right direction, hopefully with non-medicated approaches, but maybe, later down the line with medication. Explore all the options with the GP.

Secondly, to deal with fatigue and motivation, take up a sport. If you're not good at soccer or rugby or whatever, do something that noone is good at. Archery, fencing, rock-climbing. These are all sports with a good number of beginners at broad age ranges. This will serve two purposes, it will get you some proper exercise which should help regulate your energy patterns (ie. times when you're energetic and times when you're tired) and it will get you out meeting people. It may be scary, it may be intimidating, but the fact is, that noone gets a good easy life handed to them on a plate, everyone has to work and take risks to some extent and in your case, it will be puckering up the courage to go out and meet these people.

Thirdly, if you like the people in work, why not organise social outtings with them? See if your boss will make it official, get out and do something, paintballing, bowling, etc etc and get to know these people. Colleagues are not just people you're forced to be with, ok they are, but they are also the people that you spend the largest amount of your waking day with. They are opportunities for learning, meeting new people and socialising.

It sounds like alot of work on your part, which is difficult, especially seeing as you said you don't have motivation. But the fact is, you have to want to help yourself. The fact you posted here is a good start.

Get a notebook. Take the first page and that is where your new life starts. Use it to list things you want to change, use it to list things you want to do. Work off that list and see how you progress month to month. Goals are easier to work towards when they are written down in front of you.

14-09-2006 6:56pm

Read what I've said earlier plz

Marksie · 14-09-2006 6:56pm

38141 wrote:

psi its that exact tone of yours that makes me think it's not worth it. What's the point in having to put up with **** arse's like this?

Honestly i don't think that PSI meant anything offensive by that.. what the post is trying to do is give us more information so that we can try and give you the best advice possible.

GuanYin · 14-09-2006 6:57pm

38141 wrote:

psi its that exact tone of yours that makes me think it's not worth it. What's the point in having to put up with **** arse's like this?

What tone do you want exactly? I am trying to help you, but the fact is, there could be any number of reasons you feel like this, how can anyone offer you actual intelligent helpful advice, tailored to helping you id they don't have some idea of the life you lead?

Anything else offered is merely speculative and while it may make you feel better now, it probably won't turn your life around.

That said, if you feel I'm not helping, ignore my information.

DaDa · 14-09-2006 6:59pm

OP, are you actually interested in people's advice here?

GuanYin · 14-09-2006 7:01pm

38141 wrote:

Read what I've said earlier plz

I did, you said you went to evening classes.

Classes are differnt from sports in one very important area. That is, while people are there to learn in both cases, with sprost interaction and trust is required (at least I really want to trust anyone who is waving a sword at me or has a loaded projectile weapon nearby).

With classes you get little interaction there and no reason for any interaction to continue afterwards. With sports that is not the case.

14-09-2006 7:06pm

No I said that I've been to see professionals

Marksie · 14-09-2006 7:06pm

OP how long have you been feeling like this?

14-09-2006 7:09pm

marksuttonie wrote:

OP...
I commute from laois to dublin every day. I dont get to see anybody during the week at all and i live alone.

QUOTE]

Mate, why the hell don't you sit back for a while and think about what you're doing? What's the point of living that life?

Trinity · 14-09-2006 7:12pm

What is it you want from life exactly?

Can you remember a time you were actually happy? What makes you smile?

You posted previous that you hate people, perhaps this comes across when you interact with people so they dont approach you. (look at the way you are treating people here who are trying to help you taking their time and energy to think about and type a reply let alone reading your threads).

Rent out your house, go travelling. Smile at someone, pretend to be happy, it sticks.

You attract more friends if you are positive and happy (yeah even pretending to be). Life is hard and lonely - i have few friends and its harder to make them the older you get but not impossible.

friends, family, laughter and love do actually make life worthwhile. People let you down all through your life but not all of them. You have to let go of your past experiences and hurts and sit down and decide what kind of future YOU want and go out there and get it. A step at a time.

Your destiny is in your own hands.

GuanYin · 14-09-2006 7:12pm

38141 wrote:

No I said that I've been to see professionals

I know and I referenced that. I asked specifically what type of professionals, if you don't want my help or advice, just say so, but if you do then you're going to have to work with me on this.

No motivation to continue/make something of my life

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