Should I Ditch Him?

LegacyUser

I've been seeing a guy for about 2 months now
We get on really well and having load's of fun usually we'd do the usual text every day and meet up and go to the pictures
I've been having a busy time at work so with that and everything else we have only met up once a week but we would text every day; I just explained this to him

Anyway a couple of week's ago we slept together and that was great too but after this and nearly the whole time I've been seeing him I've been getting this feeling that thing's were progressing too fast as after every date he was texting me to arrange the next one and assumed I was free 24/7 like himself
I'm a total weirdo at the start of a relationship as it takes to a while to trust and feel comfortable with someone so I ignored the feelings as he's a great guy and my mates said I was mad as he’s seem’s to really like me

I was supposed to meet up with him on Wednesday we never arranged a specific time to meet but it would be around the normal time (about half 8 )
we meet up but texted to say he'd be late and then by half nine I said **** this, He's probably watching the match with his mates and is just taking the piss at this stage because he well knows I'm up at 6
I texted him and said not to bother that I was going to bed
he said sure I'll see you tomorrow so he was late because he was doing a pre-test for his driving test and the instructor was giving him a double lesson

He texted yesterday and asked me on a date to go to the cinema and he arranged to pick me up a half hour after his pre-test as he had another one, He had said he had would not let it run over

I texted him about 20 min's beforehand to ask when he was coming over as I was running late and wanted to know if I had time to grab a shower and he never wrote back and never turned up

Now I wasn't upset but still pissed off as I haven’t seen my mate's all week and he had taken up two night's messing me around
What the hell should I do, I just know he's going to text me and say he fell asleep or he left his phone somewhere
Is he taking me for granted or is it too mean to ditch him already

LegacyUser

Now aren't U full of yourself ! ME, ME, ME, ME, ME ....

I certainly hope that chap has copped himself on and decided to
dump U and find a proper girlfriend.

If U want a relationship then U got to make the time for it, go out with
the man and get to know him. Otherwise, get a cat.

Kell

newposter wrote:

Now I wasn't upset but still pissed off as I haven’t seen my mate's all week and he had taken up two night's messing me around
What the hell should I do,

Relax. Its YOUR fault you havent seen your mates, not his. It takes two to tango and you have been devoting as much of your time to him as he has asked for so dont deliver all the blame to his door.

Remember you are your own person as well as being in a relationship. Generally makes things go a bit smoother.

K-

csm

i wouldn't make any assumptions yet until you talk to him.

but he does have some explaining to do

Black Swan

newposter wrote:

He texted yesterday and asked me on a date to go to the cinema and he arranged to pick me up a half hour after his pre-test as he had another one, He had said he had would not let it run over

I texted him about 20 min's beforehand to ask when he was coming over as I was running late and wanted to know if I had time to grab a shower and he never wrote back and never turned up

He stood you up without explanation? And you still have not heard from him, not even a text? Well, maybe there's an innocent explanation, but it's not looking good without one.

ams

Hmmm, wait and see what his explanation is before you make your mind up.

However it only takes ten seconds to call someone and let them know what the story is so I'd be wary. I went out with a guy like this before and he did my head in!!:mad:

LegacyUser

that really wreckes my head when people make plans with you, and are either late, or worse don't even show, and not sending a text or calling to cancel is bang out of order.

some people think this behavour is ok, and not a big deal.

if you like the guy, and would like to continue seeing him, tell him this 5hit aint on.

if you're not too bothered, call it a day.

HelterSkelter

we'd do the usual text every day

after every date he was texting me to arrange the next one

we meet up but texted to say he'd be late...I texted him and said not to bother that I was going to bed

He texted yesterday and asked me on a date to go to the cinema

I texted him about 20 min's beforehand to ask when he was coming over

What's all this texting lark, you are like two teenagers. Why don't you act like an adult and phone him?

Yes :rolleyes:
That's because that's the correct thing to do when a guy stand's you up
You call him!

Dinxminx

Sort it out. Talk to him and let him know you're pi**ed. If he doesn't have a good excuse ditch him.

Question; these friends that told you you'd be mad not to try things with him. do they still think that now?

Linoge

coolsmileygirl wrote:

Yes :rolleyes:
That's because that's the correct thing to do when a guy stand's you up
You call him!

Should that not be the other way around? And not only that but the girl usually rejects the first 2/3 calls (makes sure you're eager!)

He should have called you, theres no excuse.

I was being sarcastic in response the the poster who said about the texting that's all

MonkeyWrench

You sound needy and too pushy. I think he will more than likely dump you rather than the other way around. forget all this texting malarky and have a conversation on the phone. are ye teenagers or what?

LegacyUser

Needy !!???
I was the one trying not to freak out about the whole thing when he was texting me within an hour of dropping me home to arrange another date

As was said I’m my own person too
my life and it's chaos shouldn't stop because I'm dating someone as I wouldn't expect a guy to do for me
I was trying at it and I didn't back away and he goes and does this
We talk on the phone also not only texting but text is all I can do when I'm in work and I didn’t call last night because he said he was doing a pre-test
And as well why should I call to remind him we had a date and he stood me up!

spinandscribble

contact him another way. maybe he lost his phone. by the way you're talking though its like you'd dump him for something he couldnt even control...

Ickle Magoo

Wait & see what his excuse is before you dump him but in future if he is 30mins or so late then call him & ask where he's got to...also make more plans with your mates - he spent as much time with you/you waiting on him as you decide.:)

Kell

newposter wrote:

And as well why should I call to remind him we had a date and he stood me up!

Because you have a problem with it and I assume are keen to know why he stood you up?

If I got stood up I'd want to know why the hell they hadnt the courtesy to call and let me know. If he plain forgot, he forgot and you wont get an explanation other than "jeebus, I am really sorry. Completely slipped my mind".

K-

irlirishkev

Why don't you just ring him?

You clearly want to know what the story is between you, and see if he's just messing you around. Texting won't give you any answers. Give him a call and ask him straight out. If he doesn't answer or return your calls, then forget about it.

(By the way, punctuation is your friend. I had to re-read each of your posts to fully understand what you were saying.)

K.

Trinity

I can see this from both sides really because i have been there.

I would imagine unless something bad happened then the reason he didnt show up is possibly because he was pissed off over you cancelling and telling him not to bother or he did run late and thought you would do the same again last night.

if i arranged to meet someone i liked but ran late (at least he let you know!!) and they told me not to bother i would be very taken aback and to be honest i would probably think that they were high maintenance and demanding. Not knocking you i have done it myself and suffered the consequences.

i too thought the worst that he was taking the piss but that was my problem really not his.

still its a cowards way to just not show up and not very nice for you, you probably broke your ass home from work to be on time for him

If you like him give him another chance - that is if he wants one.

But just be warned that if not showing up and no text or call becomes a habit then thats it.

its a little give and take you have to put your share into it as well. next time you have a night free dont wait for him to ask, you suggest it and leave your other nights free for your mates. and dont be afraid to say no i have plans for that day how about another night.
he also possibly feels like its a little one sided if hes doing all the asking

spinandscribble

yeah i've been in his situation. always being the one to arrange things can hurt a bit since you worry that if you stop you'll find out they dont actually care that much for you coz they wont arrange things instead.
of course thats just being silly about trust but still....
mind you, are you ever late for him? apart from that last time?

considering your reaction when he was late for the first time maybe he felt like it was unfair that he was expected to accept your lateness happily?

LegacyUser

Ok I texted on Friday asking for an explanation
I called on Saturday evening (no answer) and texted and said
'Why are you ignoring me I didn’t think you were pissed off about during the week enough to stand me up in retaliation if your going to be like that then fcuk off I don’t need childish mind games'

I was pissed off at being stood up (it's never happened before)and even more so that he's done it right after I had cancelled a date which he was really late for! I was really suspecting he had been watching the united match and had planned on showing up after it
(I fell asleep while waiting and upon awakening a date is the last thing on mind list of thing's to do)

Anyway he texted today at 5 saying his phone broke on Friday and he only got a lend of a new one today (he had his phone on on Saturday when I texted and called) and he said he fell asleep after his driving lesson on Thurs


I'm getting the feeling i'm being played for a fool but like i said I've been messed around in the past and the start of new thing's are when I'm at my complete worst paranoia wise!
I havent a clue what to do!

Trinity

No i am sorry to say he is acting the prick.

Ok you have been seeing him 2 months. He stood you up on thursday and its monday before he contacts you?

Does he know where you live/work? have email?

look i dont mean to be hurtful but it sounds like hes really not that into you.

a man (or woman!) is only as good as his word and if he cant do the little things for you (like show up) then there is not much hope for the bigger things.

YOu sound so so like me LOL that text you sent him i could have written a couple of years ago.

trust your gut, if your best friend's boyfriend was treating her that way and asked you for advice what would you say?

you know him, we dont. but this kind of behaviour is not very respectful.

he likes you, you arrange a date, you go out. thats as simple as it should be.

if i did that on someone i liked i would go to the extreme to contact them and explain and apologise.

truth is now the weekend is over he has had his fun and has time for you again now. he had 4 days.

some guys are just cowards, he doesnt sound like much of a man.

Trinity

Just to add about being paranoid - most people would be a little cautious if they have been messed around.

as long as you are aware of that and treat a new boyfriend as a new boyfriend and not just assume he is going to be the same as the last.

but do watch out for signs and dont be afraid to trust your own gut instinct. If it really feels like something is not quite right then it is probably not quite right.

you can have standards for yourself and expect a level of respect, ok helps to earn it but in the meantime showing them that you respect yourself is a good start. That doesnt mean being a princess, high maintenance or whatever other expressions men use to describe a girl these days :rolleyes:

and one of them for me is ok you fell asleep and stood me up - it happens - but 4 days for any contact is a tad obvious i'm afraid.

i would move on now if i were you and start fresh with someone who treats you with a bit of respect.

LegacyUser

My mates have said to ask him more question's to see if he's lying and i'm asking my mates because as you said to trust my gut instinct it's been kinda broken the last few years regarding blokes

it's been a while but it's only been casual
I kept it that way because i'm slow at trusting new people and i've fallen too deep too fast in the past!

as you said the weekend is over he has time for me now the opposite is for me and he know's it!

I couldn't be bothered contacting him until tmw I need to evaluate it as well I'm in over my head in work at the moment!

Easy Rider

TBH it sounds like he is either not into you or not sure about you, he has met someone else or he is already going out with someone and is trying it hard to find time....but it seems like you or your friends know him...so I don't know...

He is messing you around, do you really like this guy? Someone who treats you like that? Why would you.....falling asleep excuse = bull, lost my phone = bull, does he not have legs? A car? He knows where you live? Does he not have a home phone? If he does not know your number could he not ring your home phone? Look up your number in the phone book...? It does not add up....

As a previous poster said if any normal person lost their phone they would get in touch some way....

LegacyUser

He called last night four times and texted twice asking me out this week
I wasnt sure what to say so I didn't answer
should i have answered


I have to think it out then i'l call him tonight

Siun

Ickle Magoo wrote:

Wait & see what his excuse is before you dump him but in future if he is 30mins or so late then call him & ask where he's got to...also make more plans with your mates - he spent as much time with you/you waiting on him as you decide.:)

It seems that people now think it's ok for guys to be 30 or so mins late - which is just plain rude in the first place - but then we women are advised to ring them & see if they are on the way!?!?! Forget it girl - if he is taking you for granted from the very start then take my word for it he'll do it for as long as you know him. I'm sure he's an ok guy but irish guys are starting to assume that it's ok these days to stand people up, not call or text to explain or excuse themselves & then call a few days later to re-schedule..... when did that all become the way to start dating a girl!!

Ickle Magoo

Siun wrote:

It seems that people now think it's ok for guys to be 30 or so mins late - which is just plain rude in the first place - but then we women are advised to ring them & see if they are on the way!?!?! Forget it girl - if he is taking you for granted from the very start then take my word for it he'll do it for as long as you know him. I'm sure he's an ok guy but irish guys are starting to assume that it's ok these days to stand people up, not call or text to explain or excuse themselves & then call a few days later to re-schedule..... when did that all become the way to start dating a girl!!

I am female so I'm not a bloke advocating anything btw...I give 30mins as he could be driving & not able to call, running late with no phone, etc - accidents happen, of course it's rude if there is no reason for it...I'm not so much of a time-keeping freak that I would expect him to arive 10mins before he said he would. Personally, if I hadn't heard anything by 30mins after the arranged time I would assume A) he's not coming or he's running very late & not bothered to call & tell me. Either way I've got better things to be doing with my life & rather than acting all childish & refusing to speak to him ever again or going in the huff with him, I would call him & ask what on earth he is playing at & demand an explanation then & there. Incidentally, I think once may be excused as an accident. If it happened twice, the guy would be history so fast his head would spin.

OP, if it were me I'd tell him to take a running jump at this stage. It should be all flowers & enthusiasm this early in your relationship - if he is constantly late, not turning up, not bothering to call you, etc, etc - imagine the lack of effort in yrs to come?! Get out now & find a guy who will trully appreciate you.

OrangeOranges

Women................jeebus!! So predictable.

A bloke whom likes you, your friends say he's cool and really into you but yet you're undecided. Only have time for 1 date a week, getting sick of constant contact etc etc .................

He pulls back and gives as good as he's receiving.
Stands you up a couple of times and you come running. Getting all upset etc etc etc

Every single time. This guy knows his stuff. The second you treat girls mean, they get keen.................

Thats all he's doing if you ask me.