think girlfriend is using me

LegacyUser

I have been goin out with this girl 4 months now Im 22 and working, finished college and all, shes 20 and goin into her final year in college. As long as we have been going out, I have paid for all our dates she has never even offered to pay. It didnt really bother me until now because Im working and have money where as shes a student and has to pay rent, bills, colleges fees etc on a part time job (she doesnt receive anything from her mam and dad) Also I have a car and am always giving her lifts everywhere. Maybe Im over reacting but sometimes I get the impression its very convenient for her to be going out with someone who drives and has money. What do you guys think? Thanks.

Vorsprung

Did you ever ask her to pay a bit?

Ruu_Old

I can see where you are coming from OP. Whats your relationship like apart from this? I have to admit that most of the dates or dinners I have been on, the girl in question would insist on paying her part of the bill so I find it a little odd that she at least didn't offer once.

KdjaCL

Be poor for a while ie say your broke costs 2k to fix, your a bit smashed for a week or 2.

Soon find out.


kdjac

LundiMardi

Yeah that's a bit ****... if i had teh money, i woulnd't mind paying really, but i'd EXPECT her to at least offer!!!

Like KdjaCL said, don't go out with her for a while, say you just don't have the money to spare or something... see if she offers to ''get it this time''? I mean jebus!! A simple trip to the cinema&meal of some kind could cost €50-€60 these days...

Do you go to the pub at all? Do you buy all the rounds?

The Sweeper

OKay - the lifts thing I can understand (I mean, if you're both going the same direction, what are you going to do, suggest she takes the bus?)

But the money thing - dry that well up for a bit. I'm a big believer in people paying for what they can afford. I know a lot of people who've overstretched themselves being flash with cash they don't have in the early flush of a new relationship. At the same time, if one person earns twice what the other one does, once it enters serious relationship stakes, 50:50 on everything may not be fair.

Still, if someone can't afford anything on anything, they really need to just try harder.

C_Breeze

simple, say the clutch went on your car - you had to leave the car in for a week and it cost loads to pay for it , so u can just about manage with money for the week . take her out on the bus and pay only for yourself or somethin small for her , see how she reacts.

Laslo

I wouldn't get involved with a girl in that situation to be honest. If she's that reliant on you, you'll never really know what her real agenda is... until, possibly, it's too late.

Darragh29

Does she not have a part-time job or any income from anywhere???

ircoha

where as shes a student and has to pay rent, bills, colleges fees etc on a part time job (she doesnt receive anything from her mam and dad)

OP u were in college so u can do the math more accurately than I can, but as i see it it has to be a hell of a part time job, so I dont "buy" the mom and dad bit.

As advised earlier I would turn off the tap and see what happens.

smemon

yeah, i get p!ssed off when the gf doesn't offer to pay for things :mad:

however i'd always pay for everything anyway i just don't like her assuming i'm going to pay.

also, i give my gf lifts everywhere, that's normal. To/From work.. if i'm off i'll do it no questions asked as i know the feeling of being car-less and having to leech of the 'rents.

Fobia

I don't think the ideas for pretending something has happened that's made you broke when it really hasn't...it's testing her which isn't really fair..

Just be honest and say you don't like paying for everything all the time?

JohnCleary

I'm in college myself, and I can tell you its damn expensive. I have a car so all my spare cash goes on that. Luckily my grant pays for my accom.

During the summer I used to pay for everything, eventhough she would insist on paying, I wouldn't let her as I was earning about 3 times as much as her. Now that its back to the winter i am totally skint. She is always offering to give me money but of course I refuse. When I came home last week she had loads of clothes bought for me (Which im guessin cost her about 200euro) and when I went to leave again after the weekend she offered me money but I refused again. She txt me when I Was on my way up to college and told me to look in the ashtray... 50euro!!! Score!

True love rocks!

My point here is, let her know (fake) that you're broke. Make a point of it and see what her re-action is. You'll soon find out...

red_bairn

I'm with my gf for almost 3mths now and she has a part time job and I'm jst finished mine for college and she always insists paying for her share even in the pub. I can never get away with paying a bit more for her.:rolleyes:
So talk to her about it if the other plan doesnt work out.

LundiMardi

JohnCleary wrote:

I'm in college myself, and I can tell you its damn expensive. I have a car so all my spare cash goes on that. Luckily my grant pays for my accom.

During the summer I used to pay for everything, eventhough she would insist on paying, I wouldn't let her as I was earning about 3 times as much as her. Now that its back to the winter i am totally skint. She is always offering to give me money but of course I refuse. When I came home last week she had loads of clothes bought for me (Which im guessin cost her about 200euro) and when I went to leave again after the weekend she offered me money but I refused again. She txt me when I Was on my way up to college and told me to look in the ashtray... 50euro!!! Score!

True love rocks!

My point here is, let her know (fake) that you're broke. Make a point of it and see what her re-action is. You'll soon find out...

Why not sell your car instead of living off you gf?

Nickibaby*

I don't see anything wrong with giving your girlfriend lifts at all so long as she isn't running you about like a taxi driver but the odd time leaving her to college or picking her up and leaving her home when she seeing you.

Regards paying I pay 50:50 with my boyfriend I want it that way I want us to be equal so that means moneywise too.

However if you are asking her to say eat in expensive restaurants that she can't afford at the moment because she is a student then I think you should get the bill but I think she should at least offer. Or bring you out aswell maybe to less expensive places like the cinema ect.

StormWarrior

I don't think there's anything wrong with the bloke paying, it's the way nature intended.

LundiMardi

StormWarrior wrote:

I don't think there's anything wrong with the bloke paying, it's the way nature intended.

How do you make that one out?

JohnCleary

LundiMardi wrote:

Why not sell your car instead of living off you gf?

Firstly, I wasnt asking for anyones opinion, so why are you giving it you loser?

Secondly, I have severe spine problems, I cant walk far, so I need the car on medical grounds

Thirdly, i'm not living off her. I live off myself, she just gives me the odd treat since I spent god-knows-how much on her over the summer

now would ya STFU and pay attention to the OP like a good child

Victor

Take it easy folks.

LundiMardi, please actually contribute to the thread rather than heckling people.

JohnCleary, personal abuse is not permitted.

StormWarrior

LundiMardi wrote:

How do you make that one out?

Because men are the hunter gatherers.

Mojito

fionn2006 wrote:

I have been goin out with this girl 4 months now Im 22 and working, finished college and all, shes 20 and goin into her final year in college. As long as we have been going out, I have paid for all our dates she has never even offered to pay. It didnt really bother me until now because Im working and have money where as shes a student and has to pay rent, bills, colleges fees etc on a part time job (she doesnt receive anything from her mam and dad) Also I have a car and am always giving her lifts everywhere. Maybe Im over reacting but sometimes I get the impression its very convenient for her to be going out with someone who drives and has money. What do you guys think? Thanks.

Does she ever buy you drinks or does she always sponge off you? does she go on a night out with her own friends? if so who's paying?

I have to say I do find it odd that she has never offered to pay. When I was a student I was never short of money to buy me or a girl a pint. I just didn't eat!

Dfitzer

JohnCleary wrote:

Firstly, I wasnt asking for anyones opinion, so why are you giving it you loser?

Secondly, I have severe spine problems, I cant walk far, so I need the car on medical grounds

Thirdly, i'm not living off her. I live off myself, she just gives me the odd treat since I spent god-knows-how much on her over the summer

now would ya STFU and pay attention to the OP like a good child

The odd treat you sound like a dog, grow a pair and stand up for yourself

Victor

Dfitzer wrote:

The odd treat you sound like a dog, grow a pair and stand up for yourself

Banned.

LundiMardi

Was JohnCleary banned for calling me a loser by any chance?

JohnCleary - Sure, ''spine'' problems... If you can walk to your car you can walk to the bus stop...

Anyway, that's enough from me on the subject. Sorry for going off topic once more.

leeroybrown

LundiMardi wrote:

JohnCleary - Sure, ''spine'' problems... If you can walk to your car you can walk to the bus stop...

If I remember correctly it was fairly serious spinal damage due to a motorcycle accident. Public transport is fine if you only ever need to travel a small number of specific journeys between fixed points. Otherwise if falls down.

As for the OP's situation I think that John makes a valid point about geninely not having any free cash but it does seem from your description that she never even makes a token offer to pay. If he is that worried about it perhaps becoming temporarily broke due to bills, etc might be an idea. It is a very touch subject to bring up with someone so tread carefully.

Capt'n Midnight

StormWarrior wrote:

Because men are the hunter gatherers.

OT
I think you will find in most hunter gatherer societies that women gather more food than men hunt.
Also you now live in a society based on farming which has more or less exterminated hunter gatherers from any land suitable for farming.

fionn2006
does she spend money on non essentials like lots of new cloths or make up or such like, or is she totally broke from the rent and food ? If she it totally broke then maybe, but if she is splashing out then it's time for to try the new clutch trick

or

you could suggest a nearly free evening, walks / trips on the Dart since that's all you can afford.

Jules

i couldnt even imagine letting a guy pay for everything, im my own person and can pay for myself, girls who are like that are just giving the rest of us a bad name, dont get me wrong if guy wants to pay for dinner and bring you out fair enough, but always make sure i bring him out the next time or whatever, we are not living in the stone age, sure chivalry is nice but come on~!

Black Swan

You have been going out with her for 4 months. Do you guys talk? Have you talked about your concerns with her?

Bottle_of_Smoke

Okay I can see how it can annoy you but....

If you've been treating her like this for some time you've implied that it's ok. So she doesn't feel like it's using you, which means there's no concrete evidence to suggest she has no respect for you - which is the worst part of being used.

So I wouldn't do anything too drastic - watch her behaviour - if she comes into cash - grant/student loan/tax rebate/gift etc would she fund an evening out? Do you hang out much when it's not just convienient?

If you find you only see her when she needs you to do something I'd start to query what she really wants. For now just look forward to her graduation.... CASHBACK

Dinxminx

I've been going out with my boyfriend for ages and he just about always pays. Don't get me wrong, when I do have money I pay for whatever I can, but more often than not he winds up having to pay for me so I can go out with him, or whatever.

I feel terrible every time he does becase I know how hard he's worked for the money but I still haven't been able to get a job. Hopefully that'll change soon!

Oh also he's always picking me up and stuff because I don't drive, because I can't afford a car....

OP, just tell her how you feel. I'm sure she'll understand. I mean, if you turned it around and expected her to pay for stuff it would be different would it?

craichoe

Think what you'd do if you weren't going out with her.

I'm still friends with my Ex, but sometimes she forgets that were not going out anymore. I was dying sick a few days ago, she walked from town and stayed about ten minutes, made me a cup of tea, before asking me for a lift home.

I told her there was an umbrella downstairs, she could use that.

Seemed kinda convenient, makes you wonder !