Considering cosmetic surgery

LegacyUser

Hello,

I'm considering cosmetic surgery, I'm not hideous but not good looking either, I've been with a few girls in nightclubs and one night things when drunk but never had GF and am 25. I have low self esteem and feel very unattractive although rationally I know I'm not hideous. I have never approached a girl I did'nt know in a social situation. I know cosmetic surgery wont make me into a Brad Pitt but I feel a few minor alterations would improve my appearence and give me more confidence in all aspects of my life. The thing that is worrying me is the response of close friends and friends from work , my time in college etc. What would you think of an average looking friend getting cosmetic surgery. Would it change your opinion of them?

secret_squirrel

Your problem is internal. No amount of cosmetic surgery is going to fix your self-esteem issues, only mask them.

If you are considering Surgery maybe you should seek counselling on your esteem issues first?

I almost guarantee it wont be the fix you are looking for.

projectmayhem

like secret_squirrel said, your problem isn't going to be solved by a new nose or whatever.

you can get over your self-esteem with new clothes if a change is what you crave. surgery is irreversible, and often cosmetic surgery is taken by people who want to come out looking like brad pitt or whoever, and it never works out that way.

barbeck23

I don't know - I say go for it. Having been a self consious, slightly over weight kid when I was younger and now having blossomed I feel so much more comfortable with myself and other people. Looking good doesn't fix all problems though so I would also recommend talking to someone professional about you self esteem issue but I say go for it!

Trinity

I think that you should look inside first before considering anything so drastic.

Surgery will not give you self esteem that was not there to begin with. Work on your confidence from within first.

and apart from that it really is a very personal decisiona and not one to be taken on the advice of either friends or strangers on a board.

looks will not make you happy or fulfilled.

LegacyUser

Im not asking opinions on surgery but what you would think of a friend or aquaintance that has had it. I have been seeing counsellors and psychotherapists for other issues for years so Im not naively thinking this will boost my self esteem is=n all regards. I know im not particularly attractive and this hinders me, it can be corrected quite easily so theres little debate regarding the reasons for it.

secret_squirrel

cosmetic123 wrote:

what you would think of a friend or aquaintance that has had it.

What we think is irrelevant. Since presumably we dont know you.

Seriously dude if you lack the confidence to go ahead with plastic surgery because of what your friends & family think, its hardly going to change your life is it?

You seem to be clutching at straws to be honest. Stop fantising about surgery and get to the root causes of your issues.

cosmetic123 wrote:

I know im not particularly attractive and this hinders me

I fell out of the ugly tree and hit every ugly branch on the way down. Im currently with an amazing woman whose really into me. Looks count for very little in the grand scheme of things.

Once you are out of your 20's you are on the downward slope anyway. How many good looking old people are there? Very damn few.

If you're that hung up on your looks, I doubt one bout of surgery is going to cure it, you'll probably turn into a plastic surgery addict like that 'Bride of Wildenstien' bird.

Sort out the causes of your issues ffs.

Rb

If a friend, be it male or female, got surgery I'd think nothing more or less of them for it. If getting it makes them happier about themselves, then I'd just be happy to see them happy.
The only time I'd have an issue with it would be if a female friend chose to get massive implants or huge lip injections, things that are brutally obvious and are there to attract attention.
hen by all means go for it. Your friends, if they're true friends, should be happy just to see you happy.
Sure enough, it won't completely cure your self-esteem issues, but if you think you look more attractive after the surgery, it surely will help your confidence (considering you don't like how you look at the moment).


Best of luck with it anyway.

Pigman II

You should go get yer ugly mug sorted. Many people here reckon it's internal (and that may be so) but at least you might feel a bit better and more confident with a few alterations on the outside.

Dilbert75

Do it - if it will make you happy. I know people who have had cosmetic surgery and I think no differently of them, for better or worse. (I don't know if they're any happier because of it though.)

On the other hand, if its a small step to put off finding some other way of making you happy, reconsider.

One thing is apparent to me, however - unless you have a hideous deformity that deters people from speaking to you, plastic surgery won't be the instant cure to not having a girlfriend. Before you can get someone else to like you, you need to start liking yourself. Make a list of the good things about yourself (there will be many if you can only admit it) and find ways of showing them to people.

TerrorFirmer

Trinity1 wrote:

I think that you should look inside first before considering anything so drastic.

Surgery will not give you self esteem that was not there to begin with. Work on your confidence from within first.

and apart from that it really is a very personal decisiona and not one to be taken on the advice of either friends or strangers on a board.

looks will not make you happy or fulfilled.

Its all very well and convenient but - self esteem in alot of cases stems directly from your looks if you are so particular about them, which this poster seems to be. His looks directly cause a lack of self esteem, it's as simple as.

Good luck with it anyway. It it provides the boost you need, then great. And I firmly believe it can provide that boost you need.

secret_squirrel

HavoK wrote:

His looks directly cause a lack of self esteem, it's as simple as.

Meh. Not convinced myself. Just transference from deeper issues imo. There are very few true hideous people in this world.

greenkittie

I think if it makes you happy then your friends should support you. Also, looking good can improve your whole outlook on life. If you got the surgery and felt better about yourself it could give you the confidence to approach girls and stun them with your personality .

Ickle Magoo

cosmetic123 wrote:

Hello,

I'm considering cosmetic surgery, I'm not hideous but not good looking either, I've been with a few girls in nightclubs and one night things when drunk but never had GF and am 25. I have low self esteem and feel very unattractive although rationally I know I'm not hideous. I have never approached a girl I did'nt know in a social situation. I know cosmetic surgery wont make me into a Brad Pitt but I feel a few minor alterations would improve my appearence and give me more confidence in all aspects of my life. The thing that is worrying me is the response of close friends and friends from work , my time in college etc. What would you think of an average looking friend getting cosmetic surgery. Would it change your opinion of them?

I'd think they were bonkers tbh...do you really think all women are so shallow as to find looks more appealing than anything else? I think you need to work on your confidence issues before you attempt changing your physical appearance...what if the operation went wrong? Then where would your confidence be? You have to rely on more than basic aesthetics - join an amateur dramatics group, go to therapy, do something that will let you explore & expose other sides of your personality. If you have low self-confidence & get a nose job you will just have a straight nose & low self-confidence. Unless there is some kind of deformity involved then the issues we have with our physical appearance are usually symptomatic of a deeper psychological issue - deal with the psychologocal issue before you even contemplate going under the knife.

Best of luck

greenkittie

I don't agree, if he gets surgery and thinks he looks better it will give him instant self confidence. If i even buy a new top and think i look better i get instant selfconfidence. Hmm perhaps he could try changing his wardrobe instead? Less permenant solution!

Ciaran500

greenkittie wrote:

I don't agree, if he gets surgery and thinks he looks better it will give him instant self confidence. If i even buy a new top and think i look better i get instant selfconfidence. Hmm perhaps he could try changing his wardrobe instead? Less permenant solution!

But how long does this instant self confidence last, its very possible he could be looking at another blemish on himself and considering the same option.

greenkittie

When it comes to dating a large part of the initial self confidence comes from appearnce, you cannot just tell him its something internal he needs to fix. If looks better and feels better he will start approching girls and successes will only add to his self confidence. You could say changing his appearnence is just the catalyst he needs to start his new confident life.

Ickle Magoo

greenkittie wrote:

When it comes to dating a large part of the initial self confidence comes from appearnce

You think you have to look good to be confident? I know lots of people I wouldn't consider as classically good-looking and who are very popular with the opposite sex purely because of their confidence. Confidence comes from within not because of aesthetics...I would feel fairly cynical about anyone who has to look good to feel good. Looking good may make me feel better - but I was confident & happy with myself to begin with.

Who says the OP doesn't have body dysmorphic disorder or self-esteem/confidence issues that can be cured through therapy? Who says surgery will work, make them feel better or make them any better looking? Surely if the problem can be rectified without the cost or risks involved in going under the knife then the OP would be best to follow that avenue first? Rather than jumping onto the operating table for irreversible surgery that they may live to regret.

greenkittie

Good point actually.

cch

OP if you had said that you wanted surgery because you've got acne scars, a crooked nose and droopy eyelids (just picking random examples) that are getting you down then I'd be on the side of "go for it". But your vague description of cosmetic surgery as a panacea for all your problems says to me it must be an internal issue that can't be fixed with a knife.

Black Swan

I'm not going to question your motives. People into modeling, stage or film do it all the time. If you go that route, be careful. There are a lot of poor cosmetic surgeons out there, and the good ones are very expensive because of their reputations for being so.

Strokesfan

I would say go for it like cch said if it's something specific that is bothering you - I wouldn't just go for a complete change for the sake of it. If it's something like ears being pinned back - that probably would improve your confidence.

I used to have dull teeth and I got them bleached which gave me an instant rise in confidence and some people can't even put their finger on the change. Alot of minor corrections will be undetectable (although people might notice something is different) so don't worry about family and friends being shocked.

panda100

I wouldnt think any less of a friend who had cosmetic surgery. As long as they did it for the right reasons and didnt go down the lea from Big Brother route.Also as blue lagoon said dont fall for rogue cosmetic surgeons. The best cosmetic surgeons will make you look like you but just a better version. The cheap crap cosmetic surgeons will try to make you look like Brad pitt and fail.

Actually a good example at the moment would be ashlee simpson. She wasnt bad looking before but she got her nose done and it does make her look a lot nicer though she still looks much the same. She said its something that she wanted done for her and while she always felt good about herself this just made her that bit more confident.