its been nearly 2 years+still Im botherd

LegacyUser

at the risk off being shot down,my story is that 2 year or so ago i was dumped and left you could say really hurt and down.It was a very long relationship that lasted 4 quality years,but it ran its course according to her.I did everything I could to get it back to the way it was and pleaded with her to give us another ago.the pleading went a little far and we fell out because of things said to me, and things I said to her in particular.in the 2 years that passed Ive changed jobs,made new friends,kissed a few girls as they say and lived a quiet but enjoyable life.

The problem is with me is that I lost a little confidence,and also cant seem to give girls a chance.my standards are too high in a way that i look for everything looks,personality,wit and spark etc.It just frustrates me more than anything that this girl still pops into my mind at least once a day after all this time,and that very few girls that came my way.the ones that did i neither didnt really fancy or just never gave a chance,probably in fear more so than anything.it is also weird because sometimes I dont seem to mind or bother when it comes to making an effort looking for a partner.I think I still feel sore from the breakup that was 2 years ago,and it bothers me that it still bothers me.any one with any ideas or experiences like this?

OrangeOranges

Dude,

IMO I dont care what type of personality a person is etc etc but the only way to completely move on from a relationship is to eventually find another. Ya gotta get back in the saddle man.

Be more proactive in your dating life. Put yourself out there more. Drop the standards a little and once a steady flow of women starts coming your way the standards will increase as your confidence does.

LegacyUser

I hear what OrangeBox is saying to U there - but I can't see that U are doing
anything too wrong by taking your time until U get over the hurt and find
the right person.

What's wrong with being on your own anyway ?
Shure, a woman can make your loife 3 times more miserable than
it already is !

free2fly

You need to find a way to move on with your life or you will end up a bitter and lonely man. Loosen your standards just a bit and give a girl a chance. You may be pleasantly surprised. It is sometimes very difficult to get over a relationship. But if you don't at least try you will just stay stuck in the rut that you are currently in OP. Good luck in your search.

LegacyUser

thankyou to all that replied.I hear what you are all saying.I just missed the comfort of having someone there that knew me.someone that was really sensable,mature,kind and a really good friend to me.someone that would call me at anytime at night and chat for hours.Im just feelin alitte lonely I think.it was long relationship, well into our mid twenties.Lately its back on my mind and Im finding it hard to shake off.

Dustaz

Yeah mate, Im in a similar boat to you. Im a year out of a 3 year relationship and it still really hurts me. I find it goes in cycles though. Even though ill still think of her every day, its only on bad days or weeks when it actually really gets me down.

I'm pretty sure that ill never fully shake it off untill i develop something similar with someone else. In my experience thats really the only thing that will 'fix' how you feel about your last ex. Good luck.

tbh

OP, it sounds to me like you are having problems dealing with the fact that the relationship is over, and that's gonna keep causing you problems until you work it out - ok, so I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. If you went out with the girl for four years, I'm sure you spent some of that time imagining your life together in the future - kids, houses etc, and now that's been taken away from you. You need to grieve for the loss of your relationship and put it behind you. If I could tell you how to do that, I'd be a gazillionaire. Are you comparing any girls to your ex? for example, I was in a fairly long term relationship that ended, and any girls I was seeing after that I would say "My ex wouldn't do that" or "my ex would know what to say" or whatever. The fact is, the relationship ended because me and my ex were incompatible, and after it ended, all I could focus on were the good times, and couldn't remember the arguing or anything. It takes effort to remind yourself "My ex wouldn't do that because she couldn't be bothered" or "She'd know what to say because she knew me for years" etc and give other girls a chance. They say you spend a year recovering for every year you were in a relationship - so maybe you've a bit to go before you are totally over her. I'd disagree with other's advice to get straight back in the saddle, but I would suggest dating other people, so you can figure out what you want in a girl, and - more importantly IMO - what you don't want. The best advice I can give you is to learn to be happy and relaxed in your own company. Don't look for a relationship to complete yourself. Thats what I did, and as soon as I did, I found a girl and we've been together nearly four years now. I still meet the ex from time to time, she's married with kids now, and while I'm always delighted to catch up, I never want to get back with her or anything - a fact I would not have believed for ages after we broke up. Good luck.

greenkittie

Took me well over a year to get over a two year relationship, just takes longer for some people, give it time!

miamee

greenkittie wrote:

Took me well over a year to get over a two year relationship, just takes longer for some people, give it time!

Have spent 2 years getting over a 1 year relationship! In between I did have a wonderful relationship with someone else & during that time forgot totally about the ex but then #2 dumped me for his ex & I felt like I was back to square one with the first ex still epitomising everything I wanted in a man.

I think it probably is loneliness OP, and you remember all the good times & how she made you feel loved & wanted & warm but she doesn't feel that way any more unfortunately, that's the hardest thing to keep reminding yourself of I find
I'd love to meet someone else to blot him out of my mind for good - I hope you do too

tbh

miamee wrote:

I'd love to meet someone else to blot him out of my mind for good - I hope you do too

try not to focus on someone else as the solution to your problems, get your head right independently of anyone else. I think independence and confidence are the two main traits that make someone attractive, but maybe thats just me

miamee

tbh wrote:

try not to focus on someone else as the solution to your problems, get your head right independently of anyone else. I think independence and confidence are the two main traits that make someone attractive, but maybe thats just me

Well its not that I think about him all the time or anything (which I did unti not too long ago) but when I feel lonely or whatever I do think of him and probably moreso today cos I was convinced I saw him last night

I'm quite independent (maybe a bit too much) and confident (at times) - maybe I need to work more on my confidence
Thanks tbh (sorry if I've kinda hijacked your thread OP I'll stop now!)

tbh

miamee wrote:

Well its not that I think about him all the time or anything (which I did unti not too long ago) but when I feel lonely or whatever I do think of him and probably moreso today cos I was convinced I saw him last night

I'm quite independent (maybe a bit too much) and confident (at times) - maybe I need to work more on my confidence
Thanks tbh (sorry if I've kinda hijacked your thread OP I'll stop now!)

don't get me wrong - sounds like you are getting yourself together, everybody does it differently. It's only really if you can't see yourself being happy on your own that you have to worry I had a dream that an ex (not the same one) was getting married (to Tom Jones (in Dalymount Park)) and it threw me a little!

miamee

No problems on my own at all, been living alone for 2 yers now & I'm not sick of me yet

pmsl @ your ex marrying Tom Jones

tbh

miamee wrote:

No problems on my own at all, been living alone for 2 yers now & I'm not sick of me yet

pmsl @ your ex marrying Tom Jones

the weirdest thing about that dream was me trying to start a chant of "One Tom Jones! There's only one Tom Jones!" I guess thats my subconcious telling me I'm over her

dr.bollocko

Regardless of how amazing this girl was, you have to forget her as a part of your regular daily life.
You seem to be comparing women since her to your idealised view of her, and how can they hope to compete? Regardless of what other posters say, I dont think that its just "something that takes time." It shouldnt take two years, you are young now, and these are great years to really grab hold of your life and put yourself in a position you want to be in.
And yet you are still hung up on a past that you can never return to, and a girl that has moved on.
Now is the time to end this chapter in your life.
Be thankful for the great times you had, but know that you can have the same or better with another.
You are at a stage where you are used to living independently, the open brain-killing hurt that you experience when a relationship ends is now over. There are no pieces left to pick up and you have done a great job to get where you are.
But its time to realise that you don't need this pain in your life.
Some things work out, and some things dont. And when life kicks you in the face its totally fine to get pissed off and even wallow for a little while, but nobody should be expected to carry pain for two years straight, not when you are young and single and your ex has moved on.
Its time for you to reclaim yourself.

Static M.e.

The problem is with me is that I lost a little confidence,and also cant seem to give girls a chance.my standards are too high in a way that i look for everything looks,personality,wit and spark etc.It just frustrates me more than anything that this girl still pops into my mind at least once a day after all this time,and that very few girls that came my way.the ones that did i neither didnt really fancy or just never gave a chance,probably in fear more so than anything.it is also weird because sometimes I dont seem to mind or bother when it comes to making an effort looking for a partner.I think I still feel sore from the breakup that was 2 years ago,and it bothers me that it still bothers me.any one with any ideas or experiences like this?

YOUR ME!! lol :eek: Yeah I know EXACTLY what you mean, although for me i'm now a year ahead, started dating more, no longer care emotionally about the girl in a relationship way ...

I remember exactly when it all happened too I meet her on the street one day with a friend and when she started talking to us and I just kinda looked at her and realised that she wasn't at all the person that I had in my head, infact my memory of her was completly tainted. Kinda hard to explain but I had taken the memory of what she was like (and us) and glorified it so much to make it perfect. I realised I had been comparing all the new girls I had meet with my memory of the X and of course none of them ever came close, how could they?! It was such a weight off my shoulders when I finally just saw it I almost started laughing, it was so simple.

Some people fall harder than others bottom line, it takes some people 1 month, 1 year...Try not to let it worry you too much but I know thats easier said than done. I dont really what else to say if its any consolation things will be alot better in a years time

cluborange86

im just out of a two year relationship that i didnt want to end. i know what you mean about your standards, your still comparing every girl to your ex and i know im going to do that as well and that im not gonna give any girl that comes my way the right opportunity cause its unfair to compare a girl to another relationship.

i do think the best way to get over it is to meet someone else and to try and forget bout your ex even though i know thats next to impossible to do