Advice Needed

corkcailin

Been a reader of this board with a while, but never registered til now. I need to get some peoples views on a situation im in at the moment, its not really something i can sit down and talk about at home.

Ive been seeing somebody with the last few months, only problem is he is married. Hes not happy in his marriage, theyve been having problems with ages he said. he wants out of it, and wants to be with me. He says he needs time to leave her. Ive always believed him, but lately ive been having doubts about whether he will or wont leave.

So my question is, am i wasting my time on him?

Nevyn

If he is still living in the family home and is not seperated then you are better of leaving him alone until he get things sorted out.

jubi lee

i'm sorry, i need to ask an obvious question... why did you get involved with a guy who is married(happily or not -makes no difference)?

you've been going out with someone who is effectively cheating on his wife (and kids if he has any) for a few months. he's telling you his marriage is crap and he wants out but he hasn't left her yet.... and you believe him?????

thats the oldest line in the book! if he wanted out, he would have gotten out a long time ago regardless of whether you were in the picture or not. i'm sure he gave you the 'i've not been happy for years bit , can't believe i've found someone like you, i want to marry you etc etc' sob story

get rid of him or give him an ultimatum. he'll soon show his true colours.

If he does leave the wife for you, what makes you think he won't do the same thing to you in a few years???

This is how cheating gits get away with it! women putting up with their sh*t! and letting him treat other women(i.e. his wife) crap while he has his bit with you on the side.

Love2love

If he hasn't left already, he won't. Why should he? He can have his cake and eat it. And even if he does, whats to say he wont do the same to you? I'd steer clear of this situation, they rarely work out.

tbh

Thaedydal wrote:

If he is still living in the family home and is not seperated then you are better of leaving him alone until he get things sorted out.

my advice exactly. The more time you spend with him, the harder it will be when it ends (and it probably will). It takes a bit of willpower to get yourself away from the object of your affections, but it gets easier the less you see of him. If it's meant to be, it'll be. If it's not, at least it'll be someone else cleaning up the mess. You know yourself what you have to do, time to roll up your sleeves and get on with it. Easier said than done, but worth it.

Miss Fluff

corkcailin wrote:

Been a reader of this board with a while, but never registered til now. I need to get some peoples views on a situation im in at the moment, its not really something i can sit down and talk about at home.

Ive been seeing somebody with the last few months, only problem is he is married. Hes not happy in his marriage, theyve been having problems with ages he said. he wants out of it, and wants to be with me. He says he needs time to leave her. Ive always believed him, but lately ive been having doubts about whether he will or wont leave.

So my question is, am i wasting my time on him?

Unfortunately whilst he is having his cake and eating it it's hard to predict what's going on. He MAY genuinely love you and want to be with you but surely it will keep you hanging on if he tells you that his marriage is on the rocks and he wants to be with you? That's encouraging right? It keeps you hopeful.

Only thing is he's hardly going to tell you that he still loves his wife, has no intention of leaving her and may just be a bit bored/he fancies some action elsewhere.

I'd advise you to give him a wide berth for a while. He said he needs "time" to leave her. Give him that time. Give him all the time he wants and sever ties until he decides what he wants to do. That way you can proceed with a relationship or not and be under no illusions. He may wish to stay married and then you have the choice of being his mistress and all the head-f8cks that go with it or he may leave her and you can be together. At the moment you are only having a "half relationship" and nobody deserves that. If you're meant to be together, give him the time and yourself the time (and ask yourself if you actually DO want him - grass being greener and all that) to take stock.

Just remember, he's hardly going to tell you he's actually happily married and their sex life has just become a bit boring of late now is he?

Good Luck.

corkcailin

Thanks lads, yeve basically all just said what ive been thinking myself. I told him about my doubts the other night, and basically he said he didnt blame me for thinking that way but there was no need to.

Think all thats left now is for me to get out of this as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Miss Fluff

corkcailin wrote:

Thanks lads, yeve basically all just said what ive been thinking myself. I told him about my doubts the other night, and basically he said he didnt blame me for thinking that way but there was no need to.

Think all thats left now is for me to get out of this as quickly and painlessly as possible.

I know it's tough but these things rearely end well (well, except for Richard and Judy who both left their partners to get together:D ).

You can leave now and hurt slightly over what has happened or get in WAY deeper and leave with a broken heart. Delete his number. If he really loves you he'll come looking. Good luck.

LegacyUser

I am a reformed cheater myself. I used that same excuse when I'd get bored to excuse my indescretions with colleagues and friends of friends. In all liklihood he has no intention of leaving her. It may well be that he is not at all happy with her but (and I say this from experience) he's probably got so used to having her as his safety net that he'll never leave.
I was cheated on later and realised how bad it felt that I confessed about my own lapses and we broke up on better terms than we were together.
Just my two cents, everyones different

tbh

reformedCheater wrote:

I am a reformed cheater myself. I used that same excuse when I'd get bored to excuse my indescretions with colleagues and friends of friends. In all liklihood he has no intention of leaving her. It may well be that he is not at all happy with her but (and I say this from experience) he's probably got so used to having her as his safety net that he'll never leave.
I was cheated on later and realised how bad it felt that I confessed about my own lapses and we broke up on better terms than we were together.
Just my two cents, everyones different

fair play for the post.

LegacyUser

I think Miss Fluff has hit the nail on the head !

corkcailin

well the more ive been thinking about it, the more i realise not only am i being messed about, his wife doesnt deserve this treatment.

Have told him that we need to talk asap.