helping a grieving partner

yermandan

Hi guys,

I've never lost anyone close to me thank god. I'm seeing a girl for the past 4 months. She is amazing and is the strongest person I've ever met. She lost her brother to suicide in March. He was her best friend, They come from a family with 6 children, She is 21 and He was 34 when he died but they were very close and attended the same college together when he took his own life. He didnt leave a note or any indication as to why he did this. I am the only person that she has talked about this to but in all honesty we have only glossed over it and I try to be as supportive as possible but I am distinctly unsure of what to say. I advised her to seek counselling and she is activly doing this as we speak so that is a MAJOR step in the right direction for her i think.

So I guess my question is can any of you guys give me any advice on how to help her from my point of view? Is there anything I can specifically do that will help in her grieving process which is only 6 months old this month. I've been told that just to listen is enough but I am interested to hear from anyone who has been in a similar position and their experiences that helped them through it. Bear in mind that I met her 2 months after this happened so I am getting to know him through her and what she says about him. Its so raw and I want to be the best friend and partner that I can be through this horrible time for her.

Thanks in advance guys..

dan

Beruthiel

You are doing all the right things already Dan. All she needs from you is that you listen and be there for her, supporting her as she needs it.
That's all anyone can do in a situation like that.
Best of luck.

neuro-praxis

It sounds like you are doing a great job as it is. Let her talk about it as much as she needs to, but offer fun distractions as well, so that your new relationship isn't just all doom and gloom. Plan romantic evenings and do some things that you both enjoy.

Please try to hold back a little inside yourself, I have no wish to undermine your relationship but she is very vulnerable right now and her feelings for you may be confused. When she is over the worst of the grief, your relationship may not in the place you had hoped.

Also, make sure you are both staying in good contact with your other friends. A deep intensity in such a young relationship may mean that you burn out fast. It sounds like you are being loving and caring and sensitive - but also be sensible and healthy in your approach.

I hope it works out wonnderfully for you both.

Marksie

you are doing what yuo can. Listening is enough at most times.. just being there. Let her talk when she wants too and let her grief out when she wants to.

I was in a similar situation with my brother and his wife who lost their only son through a heart attacke at 28.. nearly two years ago. All i could do was be there like yourself.... it did help immesurably

The strangest things can happen at the oddest times. And something simple can kick it off. This still happens after two years an it was just something incosequential that caused it.. So while you cannot prepare for that.. when it happens just hold her in the now and be there.. recognise it for what it is part of the healing process

I wish you both all the best

mark

Blu Eyz

yermandan wrote:

Hi guys,

I've never lost anyone close to me thank god. I'm seeing a girl for the past 4 months. She is amazing and is the strongest person I've ever met. She lost her brother to suicide in March. He was her best friend, They come from a family with 6 children, She is 21 and He was 34 when he died but they were very close and attended the same college together when he took his own life. He didnt leave a note or any indication as to why he did this. I am the only person that she has talked about this to but in all honesty we have only glossed over it and I try to be as supportive as possible but I am distinctly unsure of what to say. I advised her to seek counselling and she is activly doing this as we speak so that is a MAJOR step in the right direction for her i think.

So I guess my question is can any of you guys give me any advice on how to help her from my point of view? Is there anything I can specifically do that will help in her grieving process which is only 6 months old this month. I've been told that just to listen is enough but I am interested to hear from anyone who has been in a similar position and their experiences that helped them through it. Bear in mind that I met her 2 months after this happened so I am getting to know him through her and what she says about him. Its so raw and I want to be the best friend and partner that I can be through this horrible time for her.

Thanks in advance guys..

dan

Jesus with someone like you caring for her the way you do......need i say anymore! She is lucky to have someone like you to get her through whatever faces her.

You sound like anyones best friend! Just keep doing what your doing!