What was it like for you??

LegacyUser

What was it like for you when u first moved in with your partner. Well I am moved in a year now and its just not what i thought it was going to be. He is a lazy sod, i couldnt remember when the last time he did any cleaning was, no matter how much I nag him. DIY is a no no, my family do most of what i want done. And besides all that, i thought it was just generally going to be different, instead there is loads of arguments, he goes out a lot with friends and then i feel he doesnt want to go out with me then when the occasion arises, even tho money is tight so we dont go out every weekend. I am with him years and years, this is the first time we lived together. I just thought we were going to have more fun and stuff, hasnt worked like that tho, not too many cosey night on the couch either. Is it just me???

Nevyn

As the saying goes "If you want to know me, come and live with me"
If he won't clean and tidy and do his share and won't do things to make where you live a better place then the chances are this will never change.

Why not try a sit down and have a talk about what both your expectations are for your relationship and how the household runs.
Make a list of the tings you are not happy with and see if you can have a grown up discussion with him about it.
IF he does not see that there are problems and you are not happy and he is not willing to have a look at changing a few things then tbh stop cleaning up after him and think about moving out.

The Sweeper

Yes - in a lot of cases with Irish men, their mammy did so much for them at home, they get into a relationship with someone, move in, and don't realise it's a different kettle of fish when both of you are working full time. That, and they also don't know that you have to do things like actually clean the outside of the toilet bowl too, every once in a while.

Ruu_Old

I always looked after myself and never really put my Mam to do any of my work. I moved out to live in England for a while on my own to get a bit of life experience and now I am living with my wife in the US. I do most of what needs to be done and it doesn't bother me at all.
Sit down and chat to your partner about it, if he can't be bothered then just make a list out and leave it with him, tell him you want it to be done by the time you come back.

0utshined

It's not just guys MAJD, girls can be just as bad in my experience! I do agree with you though that Irish mammies have a lot to answer for. When I think back to how messy I was allowed to be I can't quite believe it. Parents should be introducing their kids to the real world not shielding them from it.

I've never lived with a partner but I have done the housemates thing before and what you have to realise is that people are different. For some people it's okay to not clean up too much, for others it's important that it gets done. The main thing is don't get stressed over the small things but if something is an issue for you there is no point being passive about it. You don't have to be confrontational about it, just let the other person/people know. Unless they're a díck they'll work with you to find some common ground and if they're a díck do you really want to live with them?

Having said that, I've got my own place right now. Just me and I love it. Not having to clear up other peoples mess = happy++.

Trinity

When i was younger i moved in with a guy in England, it was his house. I left London to move in with him.

First thing i noticed was how clean he was and how tidy his house was but it was only a matter of weeks before he started leaving his underwear on the bathroom floor, thinking i would pick it up.

i did at the start but he got so lazy when his folks came i would cook dinner he wouldnt even make them a cup of tea after it!

that didnt last long.

Lived with a guy over here and he was so bad he would only cook for himself when it was his turn to cook, he wouldnt cook for myself or my son yet when i cooked it was for all 3 of us. His excuse was he couldnt cook larger portions than for one person i.e pototoes, peas and chops - could only do it for one didnt know how to cook the same dish for 3

that didnt last long either. Think they pick up habits if they see you doing it at the start they think you will do it all the time.
My mothers famous saying "you start as you mean to go on"

scoot on

I moved in with my boyfriend about 4 years ago. We rented for two years and bought our own place 2 years ago. At the start I was in college and he was working full time. I felt like I was doing absolutely everything, which in fairness I probably was, mainly because I was at home a lot more than him. I didn't realise this at the time though. I thought he was just being lazy and letting me do everything because I was the girl. As things progressed I finished college, got a good job and am in the process of making a good career for myself. Since I started working full time he finishes work before me every day. Every single day I get home he has the house tidied, the fire lighting (in winter) and the dinner on the cooker ready to be served. I have to admit it is something I completely and utterly adore about him. I always thought it was me that was always going to be responsible for household chores but he told me that he likes doing it because he knows he has more time on his hands than I do and it's only fair. I think this is the attitude most fellas should have, although it's easier said than done!

charlesanto

Justmovedin wrote:

And besides all that, i thought it was just generally going to be different, instead there is loads of arguments, he goes out a lot with friends and then i feel he doesnt want to go out with me

Justmovedin wrote:

I just thought we were going to have more fun and stuff, hasnt worked like that tho, not too many cosey night on the couch either.

Ok the lazyness is one thing but what i read is that you appear to be two people who share a house. Is there a relationship at all ??? You dont go out together and you don't enjoy one anothers company when at home.