my boyfiriend doesn't talk to his mother

LegacyUser · 24-09-2006 10:51am #1

My boyfriend has been living in Dublin for about six years having left home about ten years ago. We've been together for about five years and in that time he hasn't been in contact at all with his mother at all.

Last year we visited the village he's from and parked the car down the road from his mother's house and just sat there watching; I found it very sad as I reckon the day will come when she isn't there to talk to and I don't want him regretting it after she is gone.

We have a great open minded relationship and can talk about (pretty much) anything and I have considered talking to him about it but having been here in a previous realtionship I reckon that adults should make their own choices and I should not stick my oar in but still it's in the back of my mind. A penny for . . . .

Beruthiel · 24-09-2006 11:07am

You are right not to stick your oar in by telling him what to do. But has he ever even discussed his reasons for this breakdown in communication?
I don't see why ye can't talk about that.

Pigman II · 24-09-2006 11:52am

I have an immediate relation that I have made a deliberate effort not to contact in several years and whom I don't ever intend chaging that policy for.

If the day comes when I live to regret it then so be it but that's mine (and your bf's) decision to make and I'm sure for him (as it is for me) it feels 100% the right way to act presently.

If I was with somoene I'd explain my reasons why so I'm sure he will to if you ask him. Make it clear you're going to support (or at least not interfere with) what he's doing and you'll probably get full disclosure.

Beruthiel · 24-09-2006 11:58am

It has to be said though, if he's driving to the place he comes from just to sit in his car then he would seem to be sad about it and perhaps feeling regretful. That's a shame.

Darragh29 · 24-09-2006 12:46pm

I'm in the same situation but with my father, we don't speak and haven't in a long time. People ask me how I can be on such terms with my father and my answer is that all I can do is make sure the same situation never can happen between myself and my children, so from bad comes good. You're as well of staying out of it from my own experience...

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 24-09-2006 12:59pm

You need to know the background. Are their any close brothers or sisters who might be able to shed light on the subject? Possibly he has good reason, possibly not. If he has been wronged, then the question would be if there's any remorse on the mother's part? Assuming she did something major.

Possibly, they just drifted apaart, but no contact for that length of time suggests an issue.

ircoha · 24-09-2006 10:24pm

My mother died without seeing either of her grandchildren or her greatgrandchild

Yes it will be V hard on him, I know.

Yes there are always issues, in this case is there a clue in the OP's ID of An_fhear having a boyfriend? Apologies if wrong
I am from a rural village and that would not fly there, they dont recognise single mums.

my boyfiriend doesn't talk to his mother

Comments