To get engaged?

LegacyUser

Hi all.
Boyfriend proposed to me at chrstmas. ring and all. I said no. I'm 19, he's 21. We're together 3 years. Now, nine months later he's bringing it up again. Asking me what would i say if he asked again etc etc. Now I love my boyfriend, but I just don't know if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him, he annoys me, i annoy him, as in most relationships but i just don't know. What I'm trying to figure out is should I say yes? The ring might as well be stting on my finger than stuck in its box in his house. Should you only get engaged to someone if you know 100% that you want to spend the rest of your life with them, or just get engaged and just see how it goes?

Any opinions?

chamlis

Simple answer: No. You know that's the right one.

Love2love

Why would you say Yes if you're not sure? Just so you can wear the ring? If you're not sure then don't lead him on and let him think that you do want to spend the rest of your life with him. That's just bad!

Ruu_Old

You are not 100% sure, so I would have to say you should say no. Are you both living together yet?

spanner

I really dont understand people who are so dying to marry, surely if there is no children there is no big need to do it straight away. You can give it a lot of time until both feel right and comfortable going into the biggest agreement of your life.

However I for one have never been in a situation where I was even remotely thinking about maybe thinking of the concept of getting married to someone I was with.

as was said in other posts do not do it because you feel you have too because he asked you twice, if he asks you again and lays down any ultimatiums call his bluff

BC

You're both very young, you have loads of time ahead of you! If you're not sure then don't do it, whats the rush?

Black Swan

consideRING wrote:

Now I love my boyfriend, but I just don't know if I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him

Obviously, you are unsure and not ready.

Ickle Magoo

No.

When you find "him", there will be no if's, but's or maybe's about it. You will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you have found the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. You are still very young - why not leave it a few yrs & see if you develop those feelings? Best of luck.

kittenkiller

Saying no to his proposal will be 100 times easier than telling him that the engagment is off a few months down the line.
Take your time.
If he's willing to wait until you're fully sure than count your blessings and go with the flow.
Don't say yes for the sake of a bit of peace & a nice ring.
Take your time, you're still very young for such a huge decision.

L31mr0d

ok well I was going to jump on the band wagon here and tell you to say no. But there could be benefits to saying yes. I mean at the moment you are on the fence, i'm guessing you love your BF but are just scared of the commitment at such an early age (I mean there is a whole world of men out there to explore) But you don't want to have a situation a few years from now when you might live to regret not marrying your BF or at least securing the relationship with an engagement (you could still get engaged and get married 3 or 4 years down the line, most people leave over a year to organise a wedding).

If your feelings aren't in question but your fear of commitment is then i'd say yes, get engaged but make clear to your BF that you don't wish to get married straight away. If you genuinely don't think your BF is hubby material then i'd let him know, he might be in this for the long run whereas you might just be looking for a bit of fun before moving on, it would only be fair to let him go now rather than drag him along and break his heart further down the line when his feelings have grown.

Crea

If you don't feel ready then don't do it. Breaking off an engagement is far more difficult than saying no. How do you know that if you say yes plans won't be made, hotels booked, engagement parties thrown. How would you feel then? I've know someone who got caught up in the wedding plans being done by fiance and both sets of parents eventhough she didn't really want to get married. The marriage lasted less than a year as she didn't have the guts to call a halt to the plans.

neuro-praxis

Say no. Why? Because you're not sure.

Say yes someday when you are sure.

Caryatnid

consideRING wrote:

Should you only get engaged to someone if you know 100% that you want to spend the rest of your life with them

Yes.

consideRING wrote:

, or just get engaged and just see how it goes?

No.

Little-Devil

Simply answer is NO, dont go and get engaged for the sake of it. I guarantee in less then 3-months you will be regreting the decison. You already know the answer. I dont know you or anything about your releationship only hear-say like what you have told us. If you are having doubts about the relationship then i think you need to have a serious chat to your partner. IT seems to me that you are both want different things in life, he seems ready to settle down now and you seem to want to live a bit. Your right, your only young and if he respects you and loves which i no doubt he does then he will wait until your ready, no pressure.

projectmayhem

the fact that you're asking says it all tbh.

you're 19. you probably love the guy but at some stage you might want to "get out there" and experience life & the world, as it were. you're too young to make a commitment like that...

Hermione*

You're 19. Much and all as you may love your boyfriend, you're very young to make that kind of commitment to anyone. If your he loves you, he'll accept that you're not ready for that level of commitment.

Only say yes when you're 100% certain. At least that way, it'll be a special event in your life.

GAA widow

Gosh, getting engaged is not something you want to do half heartedly! - You're still quite young - I'm not the same person now in my mid twenties that I was at 19!
I can't understand what the big rush is - i would've bawked at the idea of doing something so "grown up" and responsible at 19 - the "future" being where we're going to head out next Thursday night or organising going to America on the J1!
if he really loves you he'll hang on for you until you're ready - if you can't see yourself with this guy for the longhaul maybe you should break up and put him out of his misery!