ex bf still coming on to me

LegacyUser

i had a short relationship with this guy (very short 2wks just) but we lived inside eachothers pockets that whole time and before we met and became bf/gf we'd be txting eachother all night.
the relationship ended for the reason that he wasnt ready for a gf again (althought it was me who realised this and broke it off since he didnt think for sure it was a reason to breaK up, stupid i know). however i already had my doubts about being with him by this stage, our lifes dont mesh well enough.
i told him as i've been having a string of bad luck lately with guys i'd give them a break for awhile and concentrate on friends and college. since then hes the belief we'll get back together once he's ready again and because i'l be on this "break" i'l still be single. i told him i wouldnt wait around and although its a nice idea i cant see it happening. we like eachother and agreed to be friends except i havnt seen him since the breakup for lots of reasons.
after we broke up, for the 1st two wks, it was him telling me how he misses me and missed kissing me and spending time together but this wkend its all basically been him horny out of his mind and txting me about it. its all starting to get me very annoyed since i just want to be the guys friend now. i humoured him in that i just laughed the txts off and played them off like they didnt bother me but he's told me since the beginning he wont be able to be my friend without putting the moves on me. he's also confident about it because he knows i still like him so theres nothing holding him back except me and he told me he "knows" i wont stop him.
i just dont know what to do. i want to tell him in person that i mean it when i say we're broken up but the way he's acting its like its just a break, as its always best to do things in person. but its impossible at the moment to see him. should i just change the subject when he txts me those things? i cant just not reply really if i want him as a mate.
the worst part about it was last night he asked me to go to the cinema and i said yes but he started going on about how he'll by mistake on purpose kiss me and how he hopes it'll lead to more but i reminded him of the rules and suddenly he cudnt go anymore because of a few reasons that are likely to be true he said it was just a joke about going to the cinema but i get the feeling us going depended on my answer. then again he had very good reasons for not being able to go so maybe i should just believe him?

sorry if this is long but im just looking for advice. he's doing whatever he wants and im not sure i can be his friend because its hard to move on if you're still getting these txts from your ex whos meant to be your friend. the truth is im still attracted to him so i dont know what to do

Talliesin

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to get people to **** off and leave you alone.

If he can't be just a friend to you, then drop him as a friend. Be impolite if necessary.

miamee

Talliesin wrote:

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to get people to **** off and leave you alone.

If he can't be just a friend to you, then drop him as a friend. Be impolite if necessary.

I agree, if he's not taking the hint & doesn't want to be your friend then you need to distance yourself from this guy. I know it'll be hard at first but you need to tell him this & then ignore any texts he sends implying anything other than friendship

Miss Fluff

struggling wrote:

the truth is im still attracted to him so i dont know what to do

So the long post above could basically could have been condensed into "This boy likes me, I sort of like this boy, don't know what to do".

Either you want to be with him or not.

This "friends" bit suggests you're about 13 or 14 right?

Ignore his texts for the time being and make your mind up. Stop giving him false encouragement if you're not interested and arrange to hook up if you are :rolleyes:

Talliesin

Miss Fluff wrote:

This "friends" bit suggests you're about 13 or 14 right?

Surely refusing to be friends with someone just because you once dated is something one outgrows around then.

Sure, sometimes it won't work, but that's far from a given.

Black Swan

It would appear from your description that your relationship with this guy is not balanced. He wants a g/f and you just want a friend. He wants sex and you want a hand shake. So you need to make it very clear to him that its platonic or its over. And if he refuses to accept your condition and persists, then you must drop him.

Now to be fair to this guy, he may think that you are sending him mixed messages. Although going to the cinema appears innocent and something you would do with friends, this may appear to be a date for him, especially if it's only you and he going, or you double with another couple. And the chase is on... or might appear to him.

sweet-rasmus

this happened me me a few months ago. and i hope is ending, though it worries me that the guy tells me he like another girl, with my same name, doing the same subject as me, yet in a different university. creeps me out. of course i didnt want to know, but he told me. just cancel any cinema arrangements - as already said - you do have to be cruel to be kind - this guy wont get the hint and he'll try to get that physical contact back with you. you need to completely ignore him for a while. good luck!

LegacyUser

to the poster who thinks being friends with a ex is the actions of a young teen i completely disagree with you. its backwards.
we're 19, he doesnt want a gf, he knows he isnt ready. he just talks of our friendship as a stop gap between the end of our relationship and us taking it up again in the future when he is ready.
yes i do admit i agreed to this just after we broke up, we were sad and it made both of us feel better to think we'd make a proper go of it in the future. i thought maybe we could, like we'd grow a strong friendship and it would help us if we ever got back together again. i stress if. i never said absolutely that we would.

he doesnt seem able to have a normal friendship with me. i tend to build close knit friendships and this is what i have/had in mind for him. it might still happen since we havnt been able to meet since the breakup due to illness but he's directly told me he wont be able to not try to kiss me. he's very attracted to me since the 1st time he saw me, its just a fact, but it was him at the beginning that was so keen on us remaining friends and it was him that said he'd respect my wishes about not having a friendship with kising still involved. (im well aware how stupid a kissing friendship can be, he does not think with his head, only his *ahem*)

i guess what im asking really is should i just ignore his saucy txts completely or reply saying what exactly? also once i meet him again should i be clear i cant see a future for us, even thought im not sure?

LegacyUser

also i'd like to stress it isnt a case of him wanting to be my bf and me being unsure.
its that he isnt over his past gf and i dont want to develop serious feelings for a guy who still might/might not love another person. we both agreed it would just get messy.
its a case of him wanting all the fun of a gf i think without the emotional involvement because he's not ready.
trust me if he wanted me as his gf and he was ready i'd be with him. except he's not. plus i dont like this selfish attitude he's shown. he said he'd respect my wishes but he just keeps going on about wanting me. surely its not helping things move on if he keeps doing this?

LegacyUser

have you tried being honest with him?

Ruu_Old

You will just have to make it clear that you are uncomfortable with his advances. If all you want is a friend so tell him that and if he doesn't accept it then it is his tough luck.

Faith

You just have to tell him straight out that you're not interested in a relationship with him. It's really tough to do, I know. You'll probably have to be pretty harsh too to get the message through. Be prepared for losing him as a friend too.

Best of luck!

Owen

Sometimes us men are completely useless with this type of stuff. Tell him straight out, normally, we prefer this, rather than the cryptic 'hints' you women seem to give us

Don't worry, once you sever the link you'll start to find other men attractive, and no doubt he'll get bored of using texts to get his kicks, and turn his attention to someone else. Either way, be selfish, and look after yourself first.

thebman

If you've done subtle hints then just tell him what you want because he obviously isn't getting the message. Either because he's too dumb to or he's an asshole and doesn't want to and either case your just going to have to spell it out for him.

LegacyUser

i've told him i cant see it ever happening between for reasons x, y and z. he said we'll wait and see...
i've told him i wont let him kiss me and the like because we're not dating. he said he'd respect my decision and follow our rules. since then every time he sends me a txt about what he wishes he was doing with me/to me, i go "remember the rules". ever time its like this is the first he's heard of it and goes "what?not even kissing accidently on purpose? unfair....boo", then i need to justify it all again.
truth is all thats left is to tell him to f off. this wasnt what i wanted to do. i hoped we could just be simply friends, but i think he's looking more for someone to pin his hopes on. he keeps going on about missing kissing but it came up how he nearly "scored" the other week and he just wasnt bothered and went home.
what im going to do is show my disbelieve by changing subject at the lightly dirty txts, distaint for the backwards txts consisting of "missing eachother" and no comment whatsoever on the really dirty txts.

Talliesin

struggling wrote:

i tend to build close knit friendships and this is what i have/had in mind for him.

Maybe he doesn't tend to build such close friendships or does so only very slowly. As such he may see things in how you act as a friend that he would normally associate with either people he's known a lot longer or in girlfriends?

Some people are like that.

Ironically, the hypothetical situation whereby you become partners down the line is only going to happen if he gets it out of his head.

LegacyUser

haha thats very true about that being ironic....

should i tell him that?

Talliesin

And have him talk repeatedly about how he isn't into you that way anymore, yet seem to somehow be around an awful lot even for a close friend?

Trinity

Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too!

Been there with the ex's, they always come back - wanting what they want on their terms and hiding behind the term friend.

Hes more or less asking you can you be casual, acting like boyfriend/girlfriend without the commitment.

I wont be able not to try and kiss you?? He is being selfish tbh.

I'd break contact.

Delilah

Trinity1 wrote:

Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too!

Been there with the ex's, they always come back - wanting what they want on their terms and hiding behind the term friend.

Hes more or less asking you can you be casual, acting like boyfriend/girlfriend without the commitment.

I wont be able not to try and kiss you?? He is being selfish tbh.

I'd break contact.

:mad: i agree! dunno why lots of men are like that these days...LOTS!!!including mine!:mad: