Arguing with BF

LegacyUser

Myself and my boyfriend have been arguing a lot lately. It seems to be a bad habit we just cant seem to break. We have been together three years and lived together for a year and a half, we have since moved back to our own homes since June of this year. Just the last month we have been fighting like cat and dog.

I love him and i certainly dont want to lose him because we do have an otherwise good relationship. I just dont want this to continue, we have talked about it and have decided to give it our all this time round and hope for the best.

we start out with a trivial argument that just seems to escalate more and more and it ends up being about something totally different to what the original row was.

i am posting here just to see if anyone has any advice or has been through this themselves.

ams

Maybe you should write down the sort of things that you're arguing about. If its meinal things like someone not doing the dishes ye could make an effort for this not to occur. If you identify whats getting on your nerves you can make more of an effort not to let it annoy you. You should also think about how much you love your boyf when you get annoyed with him and realise that its not worth the fight.

SoupyNorman

Me and the g/f were pretty similar last year, were together 3yrs and live together for about the same amount of time as ye. Dunno what really triggered the arguements but they esculated into ridiculously inflated arguments. Got to a point were I said time out so i called for a 'break',


long story short we found we couldnt live without each other, solid as a rock since.

LegacyUser

thats good to hear bravestarr. we both are so stubborn and wont back down and the two of us feel that we are both right and wont back down.
afterwards we are like how did that happen. i think one of us needs to take a step back maybe and assess the situation, but at the time its very hard.

Black Swan

Maybe find someone that you two can sit down with to help you work though whatever is causing the arguments? If you were married (but you are not), I would suggest a marriage counsellor.

Laslo

At the risk of sounding harsh, I would give this advice to you and your boyfriend - grow up. If you can't have discussions over contentious (or everyday) issues without ending up in a barney then either one or both of you is probably not mature enough to be in a relationship. Generally in these situations though, I've noticed it's usually one person is to blame as opposed to both. So pay attention to how these arguments get heated from now on if you can.

thebman

argumentative wrote:

thats good to hear bravestarr. we both are so stubborn and wont back down and the two of us feel that we are both right and wont back down.
afterwards we are like how did that happen. i think one of us needs to take a step back maybe and assess the situation, but at the time its very hard.

I read an article on this in some Mag (written by someone qualified) and it pretty much said that the problem is that you both are trying to win the argument rather than solve the problem.

Basically like said above before it gets out of hand you need to think is it worth it? You care about the person and getting the problem sorted should be the objective not winning the argument.

Bringing up old arguments is a sign that ye have unresolved issues with each other and need to talk out the problems in the relationship by possibly writing them down like someone else suggested.

Thats what I can remember from it anyway. There pretty much common sense suggestions.

dazftw

I think ye should take a break! Same kinda thing happened me and my ex awhile back(also involved others things but fighting was one reason) Well we didnt take a break and now its over im still screwed up over it 5 months later!

I honestly think a break would have worked!

LegacyUser

brim4brim wrote:

I read an article on this in some Mag (written by someone qualified) and it pretty much said that the problem is that you both are trying to win the argument rather than solve the problem.

Basically like said above before it gets out of hand you need to think is it worth it? You care about the person and getting the problem sorted should be the objective not winning the argument.

Bringing up old arguments is a sign that ye have unresolved issues with each other and need to talk out the problems in the relationship by possibly writing them down like someone else suggested.

Thats what I can remember from it anyway. There pretty much common sense suggestions.

THanks a million for this. i definitely think we are both trying to win the argument. I dont want to take a break either but if this continues we will more than likely have to. I will take everything here on board and try to apply it. i am responsible for myself so if i can change the way i react well thats a good step. thanks everyone much appreciated