Mean friend?!?

CosaFada

hey id really appreciate any advice you guys have!;)
well i have this friend, one of my best friends actually, and sometimes i just feel like she has a split personality!!This is hard to explain but ill try my best!!Shes a lovely girl, really really funny, fun to be around, sound and all the rest.Shes really friendly and gets on well with everybody.
However sometimes she can be horrible nand thats the only way i can think to describe it, just truly horrible, even thinking about some of the things shes said makes me want to cry!!And the worst part is i feel like im the only person who notices it!!:( she has a very dominant personality and she has the ability to make people somehow "gang up" on you if that makes any sense??Like if she feels like slagging me shell make sure everyone else is on her side aswell.And if anyone picks up for me shell bully them over to her side.Im really not a confrontational person maybe this is why she does it??Im quite a laidback person and i never have to shout the odds at anybody But shes genuinely the one of the only peple i find myself having to speak out against and she just knocks me down and i never win an argument with her!!And if she doesnt want to do something well know all about it!!shes like a spoilt brat at times and its shocking to think no-one sees it!
I just feel so helpless.Ive no-one to talk to about it because im just afraid people will not have a clue what im on about and think im a bitch!!I really feel its one of them things i just need to vent about and know im not alone because right now im so frustrated!!I know theres much bigger problems out there so please dont think im just a whiner but it really gets me down at times!!If anyone knows anyone like this or has dealt with anyone like this id love to know!I just want to sort it out, i dont want to ruin our friendship!!
Thanks!!

fasterkitten

it all depends on how old you are - it's ridiculous behaviour from an adult but if you're younger and pushed together a lot at school etc then maybe she feels she needs space.

Sangre

You don't want to ruin you friendship? Do you really want to be friends with someone like this?

Sure, he is a really nice guy most of the time, he only killed one person!

shinners007

just tell her straight out that sometimes she offends/hurts your feelings,
if she's a real friend she'l apologise and be more sensitive.

maybe she's self concious or have low self esteem and uses domineering ways to get attention and feel liked and good about herself etc...

either way just tell her nicely how its affecting ye'r friendship.

good luck.

trout

CosaFada wrote:

I just want to sort it out, i dont want to ruin our friendship!!

i have to ask ... if you can feel bullied at all by this person, if she makes you want to cry, and she can be horrible to you ... how is this a friendship ?

is she is all sweetness and light when there are no other outlets for her very dominant personality ... and mean to you when there is an audience ?

i've seen people like that, often young-ish girls, and it must be very tough for you ... you have my sympathies

my daughter had a similar situation ... it was quite a delicate situation, as this girl was a focal figure in the classroom ... and i'm sure you don't want to make her even more mean to you

if it was me ... i would try and stay on friendly terms with this girl, but foster friendships with other, less volatile people ... hope this all works out for you

Beruthiel

CosaFada wrote:

!I just want to sort it out, i dont want to ruin our friendship!!

You don't have a friendship to ruin.
Sorry if that's harsh, but a real friend would never do this to you.
You are useful for making her feel better about herself by putting you down. You are the easiest one to do this to because you let her and don't stick up for yourself. She's a bully and you're a doormat.
Find yourself some real friends and stick up for yourself.

ams

Sooner or later in your life you'll realise that its not worth having this sort of person around you. Your friends should not make you feel like this. Have a talk with her and make her realise how you feel - if she refuses to change drop her. Shes not worth it.

miamee

As the others have said, a real friend would never be intentionally mean to you. You need to give yourself some space away from this girl & try to start new friendships or concentrate on other (less hurtful) friends for the time being.
A workmate of mine is going through a similar situation at the moment & has decided to just ignore this bully and has not heard a peep from her in almost a week...so far so good.

I hope it all works out for you, most likely this girl is unhappy in herself & trying to make herself feel better but you do not have to be her scapegoat or an outlet for her frustrations

Love2love

I agree with the others. A Bully is not a friend.

Black Swan

Talk to her. Share your feelings. If she rejects them, then move on.

chamlis

Bully indeed. Some people have the gift of the gab and can control situations and steer people to their way of thinking. It's the mob mentallity, I believe (though obviously to a lesser extent). Try not to be an easy target. If you give as good as you get she'll soon back down. I wouldn't consider her a good friend, you just feel loyal because of misconcieved leadership qualities ye percieve she has, no doubt.

You can rest assured she's probably deeply deeply unhappy in her life.
Bully.