did i overreact?

LegacyUser

Long story. Looking for others honest opinions, thanks.

Met someone online few months ago. It wasnt something i had ever even thought i would consider but I have a child, couldnt get out much, hard to meet people etc and initially was looking to make new friends.

Hooked up with this guy after chatting for a couple of weeks and didnt take long before i was mad about him. This went on for a couple of months, seeing him few times a week going out texting everyday etc. Things came to a head when he went to one of the events they organise on these dating sites where everyone meets up. So we decided we would just be friends as i felt he was still looking and i was getting more attached. He said he just wasnt ready for any responsibility even though he liked me.

we did the friendship thing for a while, lots of stuff together minus the sex. Get on great, still talking everyday etc, still mad about him but happy to be friends as he wasnt using me.

The other night he told me he loved me, i told him i loved him too. i was over the moon. Walking around with a huge grin on my face all day yesterday like a school girl. He was Still hedging about the responsibility part but i said ok think about it. I dont know what made me do it and i will probably get lashed for this! But i went onto the dating website last night just to check i suppose while he was texting me and he was online!

Would anyone else find this hurtful or am i too sensitive. Is he still looking? Is this how people in love behave?

Head is totally wrecked, i really wanted to be with him but now i feel stupid.

Thanks in advance for any advice!

neuro-praxis

He might be infatuated with you, but love is expressed through actions, not words. I don't think his actions reflect the words.

Are you over-reacting? It depends. What is he to you? You have no idea. I browse okcupid.com and my husband does too, but I am definitely not looking for anyone. So it might be purely innocent.

I don't see a future for you guys though unless he commits. Good luck.

Black Swan

isthislove wrote:

The other night he told me he loved me, i told him i loved him too. i was over the moon. Walking around with a huge grin on my face all day yesterday like a school girl. He was Still hedging about the responsibility part but i said ok think about it. I dont know what made me do it and i will probably get lashed for this! But i went onto the dating website last night just to check i suppose while he was texting me and he was online!

Would anyone else find this hurtful or am i too sensitive. Is he still looking? Is this how people in love behave?

If he in fact loves you, he will commit. If he doesn't he won't. Maybe he's reluctant cause of a bad experience with someone else? Surfing the dating site could be a form of denial for him that he in fact is falling for you and vulnerable? Then again, maybe he is still looking? If by saying he loves you that he wants to benefit from greater intimacy, but without commitment, I don't see much of a future in that.

Now, you visiting the dating site (to check him out) means to me that you are still lacking trust in a relationship with him. This is a big issue. Where there's no trust, there's no relationship.

Blu Eyz

isthislove wrote:

Long story. Looking for others honest opinions, thanks.

Met someone online few months ago. It wasnt something i had ever even thought i would consider but I have a child, couldnt get out much, hard to meet people etc and initially was looking to make new friends.

Hooked up with this guy after chatting for a couple of weeks and didnt take long before i was mad about him. This went on for a couple of months, seeing him few times a week going out texting everyday etc. Things came to a head when he went to one of the events they organise on these dating sites where everyone meets up. So we decided we would just be friends as i felt he was still looking and i was getting more attached. He said he just wasnt ready for any responsibility even though he liked me.

we did the friendship thing for a while, lots of stuff together minus the sex. Get on great, still talking everyday etc, still mad about him but happy to be friends as he wasnt using me.

The other night he told me he loved me, i told him i loved him too. i was over the moon. Walking around with a huge grin on my face all day yesterday like a school girl. He was Still hedging about the responsibility part but i said ok think about it. I dont know what made me do it and i will probably get lashed for this! But i went onto the dating website last night just to check i suppose while he was texting me and he was online!

Would anyone else find this hurtful or am i too sensitive. Is he still looking? Is this how people in love behave?

Head is totally wrecked, i really wanted to be with him but now i feel stupid.

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Firstly why should you get lashed for checking online? Your not with the guy an awful long time.....you were curious big deal !

I went internet dating last year for the buzz....similiar situation happened...only this guy was so full on with me, organising stuff for months ahead etc.....I was kinda like "slow down"........ anyway very same thing happened....just had a weird feeling one morning, he was acting weird/short on the phone so i was like "Right...somethings amiss.....so i didnt even have to log on cos you can still see who is online without logging on, yep he too was back online (by the way...... after he had asked me to cancel my account cos we were "seeing each other")

A good few of my friends were on the site so basically i just said to him "I notice your back online, My mate "X" was telling me, he couldnt lie or deny it so basically was crapping on about things moving to fast and could we slow it down? Eh .....yeah right pal..... I gave him the gate.......

Without sounding hurtful to you cos obviously your mad about this guy, he IS keeping his options open by logging on....plain and simple......some people might say that he has made friends with people and there is nothing wrong with keeping in touch..... Fine, i accept that but most people after a while give their own email/hotmail/private address out by that stage so there would be no reason to log on...i think if he is saying he loves you then he is taking the piss by being back online.....

Sorry ....but if it were me id lose him fast !

TBH my experience on the internet dating wasnt great...thankfully i only ever joined for the laugh so im prob being very harsh but there are a lot of players on the internet.... i know there are genuine people on it too!

John Mason

i was a member of a dating site for 7 months. the chances are he made some other friends on site and is just keeping in contact them. Did you have a conversation about both of you leaving the site? if not you are totally over reacting. the fact that he said he wasnt ready for responsibly sort of says it really - but you really should have a chat with him and see if he is ready to leave the site

dr.bollocko

I wouldnt be hurt about the fact that he was on the site, because rationally there is no real reason to be.

But I really dont know why you are posting here other than that.
Dont ask us!
Go talk to the guy! Hope it works out for you.

LegacyUser

I wouldn't wurry really.
Maybe he has made some friends with people on the WebSite and
wants to just keep in touch.

I 'met' a girl on a WebSite once ; we sure used to send long emails
to each other telling about ourselves and our lives ; but ... I have no idea what she looks like and vice versa (we never sent pics). It stopped fairly
suddenly in the end.

However, I do think U both need to slow down a bit.
It's only been a few munts that U know each other.
U do have a child and U all hqve to be sure as possible
that he can cope with that for longterm stuff.

padser

Maybe the lesson would be that meeting ppl online is not exactly the best way to go about dating. While i accept that a lot of people posting in this thread (and indeed probably on boards in general) use/have used dating sites I think for most people with at least average social skills they would probably be a last resort

Blu Eyz

padser wrote:

Maybe the lesson would be that meeting ppl online is not exactly the best way to go about dating. While i accept that a lot of people posting in this thread (and indeed probably on boards in general) use/have used dating sites I think for most people with at least average social skills they would probably be a last resort

Speaking from my own experience I agree.......If anyone out there is gonna try internet dating my advice would be to NOT take it too serious....Do it for the laugh but not to meet "The One"...

Myself and my mates came across some right weirdo's on the site..same guy chatting us up telling all sorts of lies which we got a laugh out of only because we were not taking it seriously.....i didnt last long myself internet dating but dont regret trying it out

miamee

Let me get this straight. You both told each other you loved each other. Then you both went online to the dating site. How do you know he wasn't checking up on you?

Maybe, as someone else said he made friends on the site & continues to keep in contact with them? Or maybe they have a forum he enjoys contributing to?

LegacyUser

No sorry i should have made it clear - i left the website after meeting him - hadnt gone on looking for anything serious but realised the internet dating thing wasnt for me and wouldnt do it again but i was glad to have met him through it as a friend if nothing else.

Thanks for the advice guys. We decided to call it a day. I got on my high horse last night and told him i wasnt happy with him looking for another girl and if he loved me he'd give it a go. I kind of regret it now but its probably for the best, i should have given him the benefit of the doubt i suppose. He said he was deleting it.

I think he is more infatuated with me as someone pointed out. Hes not ready, particularly with the child and its not fair on either of us to be trying to be something that we are not.

No internet dating may work for some, but i didnt find it great, granted i made a good friend that could have been more but i'll be sticking to the more traditional methods from now on!

free2fly

miamee wrote:

Let me get this straight. You both told each other you loved each other. Then you both went online to the dating site. How do you know he wasn't checking up on you?

Very good point. How do you know he wasn't checking up on you? :rolleyes:

finnpark

isthislove wrote:

Long story. Looking for others honest opinions, thanks.

Met someone online few months ago. It wasnt something i had ever even thought i would consider but I have a child, couldnt get out much, hard to meet people etc and initially was looking to make new friends.

Hooked up with this guy after chatting for a couple of weeks and didnt take long before i was mad about him. This went on for a couple of months, seeing him few times a week going out texting everyday etc. Things came to a head when he went to one of the events they organise on these dating sites where everyone meets up. So we decided we would just be friends as i felt he was still looking and i was getting more attached. He said he just wasnt ready for any responsibility even though he liked me.

we did the friendship thing for a while, lots of stuff together minus the sex. Get on great, still talking everyday etc, still mad about him but happy to be friends as he wasnt using me.

The other night he told me he loved me, i told him i loved him too. i was over the moon. Walking around with a huge grin on my face all day yesterday like a school girl. He was Still hedging about the responsibility part but i said ok think about it. I dont know what made me do it and i will probably get lashed for this! But i went onto the dating website last night just to check i suppose while he was texting me and he was online!

Would anyone else find this hurtful or am i too sensitive. Is he still looking? Is this how people in love behave?

Head is totally wrecked, i really wanted to be with him but now i feel stupid.

Thanks in advance for any advice!

Isn't it obvious. He has seen that you are vunerable and is just taking advantage. He probably has 10 others just like you all thinking how great he is. Good Luck.

LegacyUser

Basically everyone on there is dating everyone else, and if someone is signed up for a couple of months and meets with you, they are hardly going to just stop dead, thats the nature of the site, the buzz of meeting all these new people by just sitting there at your pc is too much to keep away from!

I mean if you go out to a pub and meet up with someone on a saturday night, your going to be working etc during the week so would not return to that pub to be meeting someone else would you?
Whereas with online dating it all seems so easy as you can be online day or night at any time and meet someone!

Go onto the site, have a buzz, and leave it at that.

secret_squirrel

Well at least you know you need to get a grip on your paranoia as its ruined a potential relationship.

Did you discuss you both leaving the dating site?

Did you even ask him what the story was before losing it?

Do you realise he's well within his rights to ask the same questions of you?

Honestly you need to work on your insecurities before dating again - be it on the internet or off it.

oulu

If he wanted he could make himself invisable on line I think , so you would not know he was on line if he chose, if that is the case then he has nothing to hide

OliviaM

he's still looking and he isn't serious. i know how hard it is to you but accept the truth because if you won't the more you'll hurt yourself.

DilbertPartII

brood for the moment. you'll wake up soon and you're over him. you don't deserve that kind of person.:cool: