should I be bothered?

randomman

Ok, I'm not currently on speaking terms with my friend/flat mate/work colleague & here's why. A few months ago we moved in together and then his girlfriend came over for a month and spent a month living in the same appartment - fair enough. I paid a bit less rent while she was here and got on well with both of them. Then she went back to Spain for exams and he became very friendly with my sister and started carrying on with her. She was always in our place or he was in hers and they were pretty much in each others pockets for a while. He then went back to Spain for a week and was with his girlfriend over there. Now he's back and we're not on speaking terms because I dont like the carry on basically and think he should either break it off with his girlfriend or quit his carry on, I like his girlfriend and find it all a bit too close to home as the other person involved is obviously my sister. So should I give a crap - they're both adults after all or am I right to feel very annoyed with him? if it goes on like this feel I'll have no choice but to move out...

Ruu_Old

I would say its up to them to figure it out, as you mentioned they are both adults now. Is he chipping in with any of the bills or anything?

wet-paint

Sure they're both adults, but are they consenting adults? Does each girl know about the other? If so, and there's no problem, then you just have to swallow it. Talk to your sister, see how she reacts to your problem (if she knows about spain girl) If she doesn't, I know if I was her, I'd like to be told. He's obviously having the life of reilly and making fools of the girls, which sucks. He's not going to stop, so let her know. You're not sticking your nose in, this is close enough to involve you, and you have a valid concern caring for you sister.

Noelie

Does you sister know he has a girlfriend and that he was with her when he went to spain?
I don't have a sister but i'm very protective of some of my cousins and i'm be well pissed is some guy was acting like this with one of them behind her back.
Different story if she knows where she stands with him.

Darragh29

randomman wrote:

Ok, I'm not currently on speaking terms with my friend/flat mate/work colleague & here's why. A few months ago we moved in together and then his girlfriend came over for a month and spent a month living in the same appartment - fair enough. I paid a bit less rent while she was here and got on well with both of them. Then she went back to Spain for exams and he became very friendly with my sister and started carrying on with her. She was always in our place or he was in hers and they were pretty much in each others pockets for a while. He then went back to Spain for a week and was with his girlfriend over there. Now he's back and we're not on speaking terms because I dont like the carry on basically and think he should either break it off with his girlfriend or quit his carry on, I like his girlfriend and find it all a bit too close to home as the other person involved is obviously my sister. So should I give a crap - they're both adults after all or am I right to feel very annoyed with him? if it goes on like this feel I'll have no choice but to move out...

Sounds like your mate is completely takin' the pi*s to be honest! If it was just a thing where he wanted to be with your sister, that would be difficult enough and I imagine he'd have to proceed delicately, but to be basically using your sister for sex while he's gf is away for a few days/weeks, thats just completely takin the pi*s imo, you sister's worse for letting him use her, maybe you should ask her what the fu*k she's at???

randomman

Yeah, she knows about the girl in Spain, but doesn't seem to care, so the only person getting shafted here is Spain girl - for the time being anyway - and I had a lot of time for her so reckon thats why I dont like the carry on + I feel I would never have considered going near this guys sister if I was in a similar situation, so it feels like he's being disrespectful or something!! but then I know that is prob selfish on my part..

Trinity

randomman wrote:

Yeah, she knows about the girl in Spain, but doesn't seem to care, so the only person getting shafted here is Spain girl - for the time being anyway - and I had a lot of time for her so reckon thats why I dont like the carry on + I feel I would never have considered going near this guys sister if I was in a similar situation, so it feels like he's being disrespectful or something!! but then I know that is prob selfish on my part..

No i dont think its selfish and i think you are probably a very caring individual who is not fond of this undesirable behaviour, particulary as it involves your own flesh and blood. And the fact that you. know the girl in spain is a nice girl and doesnt deserve it

I would talk to your sister first. Then if possible distance yourself from the two of them.

wet-paint

**** the selfish bit man, Spain Girl is getting shafted, through and through. Your sister, and I don't mean any offence, is the selfish one. She knows he has a girlfriend, but she's still staying around. That's mean.

miamee

I'd say you have every right to be bothered by your friend & your sister getting it together anyway regardless of the fact that he has a gf! But you should speak to her & see if she's aware fo the situation & if she is there's not much you can do really. But it's bad form for your mate to be doing that anyway, let alone under your nose :mad:

cance

personally i would have been more upset with him carrying on with my sister in the first place. the rules i kinda abide by with my mates are:

no mothers
no sisters
no ex gf's (unless discussed)

its a bit weird having a friend with a sister, wouldnt be too keen personally.

but in this case i would deffo let him deal with it, any kind of interaction with spain girl could have untold reprocussions. Its understandable you dont like to see her get messed around but he'll either get caught eventually or it will be called off.

L31mr0d

I'd lay down to gauntlet to your friend, i've done it before regarding my own younger sister. Tell your friend it is making you uncomfortable that he is with your sister and that you'd rather him end it. A true friend will understand, or you'll lose someone you shouldn't have as a close friend anyway. There are things male friends are allowed to request of each other if they are concerned. Obviously you have grounds in this situation, as your friend is a proven cheater, whos to say that if this thing gets serious with your Sister and he leaves the Spanish girl that he wouldn't cheat on your sister. God help me if I was living with someone who was cheating on my sister behind her back.