Romantic night in

sexkitten

I’ve been with my bf for 3 years now. I know he loves me to bits but my problem is he’s never up for sex. We have sex at the weekends usually but never any other time. he’s a fit fella, does sports etc so its not like he’s just lazy. I do have a high sex drive and I’d like to have sex a few times during the week. Any time I try he says he’s too tired. I always thought fellas would be up for it anytime once you showed them a bit of Skin.

We’re living together about 8 months now, before we moved in he’d always went on about how great it will be to have sex morning noon and night. I’m lucky if I get it once a week.

I’m starting to think maybe he doesn’t find me sexy anymore.

Does anyone else have this problem?

chamlis

I know from experience that moving in with someone can completely change things, more than you would've thought possible.
No offense, but he could be sick of the sight of ya. The novelty is gone, perhaps? I assume he is into it when ye do do it at the weekends, cos if not then you do have a problem. He's just not interested anymore.

Ickle Magoo

Are you doing anything to get him in the mood ie cooking dinner, massage, aranging a weekend away, etc, etc? If your partner is having a busy time at work his sex drive may diminish out of pure exhaustion...the old "guys have a penis & so are up for it 24/7 if you flash them boob" is a fallacy in the real world. Maybe ask if you can DIY (with or without mechanical help) - it may even get him in the mood!

sexkitten

Following my thread below I’m planning a romantic night in with himself on Friday.

Anyone any tips? Romantic ideas

kkposse

thats what affairs are for sexkitten, people have different sex drives, pm me!!:D

SoupyNorman

Well I'm with my g/f 3 years and believe me when she wants it she gets it, when I want it.....I must earn it!

Definatley sounds like there is an issue to address there. It may not be that he is not attracted to you sexually but more a case of repitition in that the sex does not varied much in 3yrs and like any human 3yrs of the same thing can make any1 bored.

I know people always throw around the statement 'spice it up a little' but this could be the answer. Not so long ago me and the misses 'did it' out in the open, that was a rush. Ok that maybe a giant step but throw different positions, toys, massage oils and the like into the equation. Obviously talk about this with your man and dont just let it fester inside of you as that is not a healthy route to take.

Good look wit the book.

Dragan

Just out of interest, what age is he? People always assume that a man's problem with sex may be emotionally driven, or he might be sick of you.....but a major cause of a drop of sex drive in males is their Testosterone levels.

fermoyboy

Sounds like you've got stuck in a routine. Happened me when I lived with my girlfriend after about the same length of time and unfortunately that finished us!

Try spice things up a bit and bring the spice back into it!

sexkitten

I don’t think he’s sick of the sight of me, apart from this we’re a very very happy couple. When we do it at the weekends its grand. he does enjoy himself. I just thought living with someone you’d be like rabbits. We both lived at home before this and we never got to do it then which was a problem for me but I just put it down to having no where to go.

Maybe I just have the high sex drive and he has the low and that’s that.

smash

here's a tip... get a vibrator and use it! honestly, make him jealous.

LegacyUser

1st off . . as its friday .. make sure he doesnt go for 'the one' pint after work, then maybe send him a few txt's during the day. . . subject matter totally up to yourself . . but id have a few 'subtle' hints in them
When he comes homes your in the bath, lots of bubbles . . oh and wine
I wouldnt cook anything as (hopefully!) ye will be too busy.
Sure ye can always get a delivery afterwards . good luck

sexkitten

Un_reg_again_06 wrote:

1st off . . as its friday .. make sure he doesnt go for 'the one' pint after work, then maybe send him a few txt's during the day. . . subject matter totally up to yourself . . but id have a few 'subtle' hints in them
When he comes homes your in the bath, lots of bubbles . . oh and wine
I wouldnt cook anything as (hopefully!) ye will be too busy.
Sure ye can always get a delivery afterwards . good luck

a bath sounds like a great plan. if that doesn turn him on i've no hope. thanks x

LegacyUser

What about the possibility that he is getting it on the side ?

Love2love

Some people just have a lower sex drive than others. And apparently (according to cosmo magazine, anyway) couples who live together have less sex than those who live apart because it becomes less of a priority. Its only twice per week for those co-habiting. Just talk to him about it.

LegacyUser

From a male perspective, forget the bath.

Short skirt, slutty top and over the kitchen table is your man!

LegacyUser

ehhhh.

No. Not really.

onemanband

Do something radically different during the week to spice things up. Show him you are not ready to go "old and boring" with the love life just cause you have moved in together. Some examples:

1. Go and buy some porn that you think you would like to watch yourself. Sit down and watch him during the week and see where that takes you.

2. Buy some sex toys and use them together.

3. Dress up.

4. Be his slave for an evening.

5. Skip work and have a "sex all day" day.

6. Get a real massage table

Alternatively do something radically adventurous

onemanband

For what it's worth I was think reading the other thread that maybe the problem is that things are a bit too romantic and cosy with you both living together now.

Maybe you should try and plan something more raunchy and less romantic this Friday. Suggestions just posted on other thread.

the Guru

Remember will have worked hard all week and you will need to wind down, get some of your partners favourite drinks and fruit maybe a massage, a romcom etc but make it relaxing and if you have been fighting at all that day call it off as it will be ****, move it to a different day when you are more relaxed.

dr.bollocko

If you are gonna be naked or nearly naked when the guy shows up, whatever you do dont forget the high-heels and the red lipstick!

shinners007

reading the first post and i thought that could have been me who wrote it. OP i was in the exact situation u where in untill i had enough. i try'd weekends away, surpise dinners, baths, oils etc.. eventually i sat him down and told him how i felt, if anything it brought us closer. only u know what turns him on etc.. so only you can decide what he'd really like.

believe me after trying all sorts it was a shock to him when i told him i needed more romance, kissing cuddling etc.. not just sex... even tho i dont ever say no:D !!! guys do think differently to women and sometimes just saying it straight out saves time and aggro, and ur guaranteed to get his full attention when you start talking about sex etc..!!!!

communication is a key factor here you can try lots of things but they mighten improve things long term, couples co habitating some times just get in to routines and this affects the desire to have sex/ romance in the relationship.

to me ye seem to be together long enough to sit down and discus this as it is an issue. how do you know his not thinking the same thing as you but doesnt want to say anything or feels he might offend you. it takes two to tango in most cases;) hence ye should work out this issue together, like adults. you'd never know it just may be what you need to sort this out.

then after ye've discussed it ye can enjoy dinners, massages etc.. knowing its what ye both wanted which is what makes it even more special and romantic.

best of luck.

Lurk

This is a really common problem, but that doesn't make it any easier, because when you start to believe that your partner doesn't find you attractive anymore, it can be soul-destroying...you get bitter, your own sex drive drops and the relationship fizzles out.

All of the tips that posters have given are excellent and are the 'technical' ways to go about spicing up a love life. At the heart of it all is convincing your partner that there is far more to you than they think they know....it is the loss of this novelty element that causes relationships to stagnate and the sex to fly out the window (applies to both men and women).

It takes a good bit of work, but if your libido is higher than his and if you really do miss the sex, it shouldn't be a chore. Start by having a look on the Internet at things that interest you - whether sex toys, outdoor "adventures," or gentle bondage - and find out all you can about other couple's experiences with them (there's loads of good sites that aren't seedy). When you start to introduce something new into the bedroom (or wherever) and your confidence shows because you've done a little research, it's the biggest turn-on. After all, the brain is the biggest sex organ

LegacyUser

OH!!! let us know how you get on, im sure it will work . . fingers x'ed

if you want any more ideas. let me know . . im doing feck all at work anyway

jj11

I can relate so well to this thread, because I'm exactly like OP's boyfriend. We've been going out for a few years now but only living together for the last year.

My sex drive is very low, and although hers isn't amazingly high, I know she'd like to be having sex more than we do. As other posters have said, we're in a bit of a routine now where do don't really have sex at all during the week, and then maybe once or twice on the weekends, but not every weekend.

We have a fantastic relationship - we're best friends and I do find her very attractive, but sex has never been very high up on my list of priorities. I don't get the urge to have sex much, and I never have even with any other girlfriends.

We've spoken alot about this and are very honest with each other. Sometimes everything is fine for periods of time and we have a great time; then it could go for a few weeks with nothing. Often if we try during the periods where I really don't feel like having sex I can't get an erection for long enough and its a horrible feelling altogether.

I wish I wasn't like this, and it gets me down a lot but I don't know the solution. We're not the type of couple to go out and buy sex toys or porn. My advice to you OP is to talk directly to your boyfriend and ask him to be honest about why he thinks things are this way, you might be surprissed at what you hear.

Beruthiel

sexkitten
I have merged your two threads, one is quite enough at a time.
B

kkposse wrote:

thats what affairs are for sexkitten, people have different sex drives, pm me!!:D

kkposse
Please read this forums charter with regards to unhelpful comments, before you get yourself banned.

biko

Meself, I can have trouble getting into the mood if I'm tired etc but after some persuasion the game is afoot. Shower together and start the sex in there.

Btw, guys don't go for candle lit dinners and rose petals on the bed to get us into the mood. Well, me at least. Toys, role play, kinky etc and Bob's your uncle

OliviaM

chamlis wrote:

I know from experience that moving in with someone can completely change things, more than you would've thought possible.
No offense, but he could be sick of the sight of ya. The novelty is gone, perhaps? I assume he is into it when ye do do it at the weekends, cos if not then you do have a problem. He's just not interested anymore.

i agree. and reasons could be, he's doing it with other girls. men could lie. and when they do there's no way you could ever find out.

Ayla

OliviaM wrote:

i agree. and reasons could be, he's doing it with other girls. men could lie. and when they do there's no way you could ever find out.

Wow, that's helpful. And completely irrelevant. Why are you so cynical?