new girlfriend

Rockstar*

My new girlfriend doesnt text me back or ring me!

Trying to avoid sounding insecure and paranoid I have so far avoided bringing this up with her - when she does text back its usually aaaages later and as I said she doesnt text me back a lot of the time anyway...she tells me she likes me and wants to go out with me still but Im unsure about this to be honest! it rerally bugs me-I dont crave for her attention but SOME would be nice and reassuring!

I think she was treated badly in the past by other fellas, maybe she just doesnt wanna get hurt and doesnt wanna get close to me(Im hoping this IS the case cause at least ill know she likes me then) .... on the other hand that would be positive thinking and Id like to look at this realistically!

what do you guys think?

Sam Vimes

i almost never text my gf back. i just don't like texting. i usually ring her though. what's she like when you're with her? maybe she just prefers face to face communication.

Ruu_Old

I think you might be overreacting a little bit, you might come across as clingy to her. How long have you two been together?

Ickle Magoo

What kind of texting are you talking about? And how many texts are we talking about?

Some folks just don't like texting...I text to get a message across (meeting point/time/instruction. etc), not generally for chat. I just can't be bothered & I can't think of anything that has to be said [outwith an emergency of some description] that can't wait until I next see the person face to face. Your gf may be the same?

If you need phonecalls & texts to reassure you of her feelings then maybe you would gain more by asking questions of yourself about that? It seems kind of funny that you would feel better about your relationship if she aswered your texts faster?

If she has been treated badly it may well prevent her from wanting to seem too keen & that is what stops her. Maybe you could bring up the subject with her & ask her why she doesn't answer you? Could be a great opportunity to get a greater insight into the dynamics of your relationship. Best of luck.

Rockstar*

yeah we've only been together around a month - I've only been clingy with one girl in the past when I was 18 and she dumped me so I learnt my lesson early on with that!

In saying that I havent liked a girl as much as this in a long time so I find myself reacting a little bit differently-I havent got a jealousy problem but I certainly feel it kicking in sometimes when it comes to her but I make sure not to act or say anything on it if you follow me?

I know I should play it cool, which I will but this texting me back or not wanting to talk to me by phone at night bugs me a lot!

Rockstar*

and ok fair point- It seems here that its ME with the problem in not feeling secure in the relationship, Im not blind to that at all...but the fact is Im still not sure where I stand with her and the way she doesnt text or ring me doesnt help

Sam Vimes

apparently, texting is so inefficient as a form of communication that a 93 year old using morse code can send a message faster

http://www.collisiondetection.net/mt/archives/2005/05/morse_code_beat.html

BreadBoard

Rockstar* wrote:

and ok fair point- It seems here that its ME with the problem in not feeling secure in the relationship, Im not blind to that at all...but the fact is Im still not sure where I stand with her and the way she doesnt text or ring me doesnt help

I'm going to be honest and say I'm a bit like you too. It drives me nuts when a g/f doesn't text back say within an hour or two or ring at the time they said they would.

The best advice I can give you is, keep a cool head and take it slow because if you don't you'll end up being clingy and she'll get nervous and probably avoid you totally and you'll get hurt.

Ickle Magoo

Rockstar* wrote:

and ok fair point- It seems here that its ME with the problem in not feeling secure in the relationship, Im not blind to that at all...but the fact is Im still not sure where I stand with her and the way she doesnt text or ring me doesnt help

Maybe she is trying to tell you that you have only been going out a month & she wants things a little less intense ie no nightly texting sessions? Asking her where you stand is the only way to know for sure. I think if you insist on trying to text or call more than she wants or is comfortable with, then you may well end up scaring her off

Pepe LeFrits

Stop texting her and see what happens.

BreadBoard

Pepe LeFrits wrote:

Stop texting her and see what happens.

I'll 2nd that.

Trinity

Ok i am a major texter so i get you totally. It drives me crazy when people dont reply.

However some people just do not like texting. Some people are very independant and just like their space on nights they are not seeing you.

Answer these questions first
how often do you see her?
Is it always you that suggest meeting up?
Is it always you makes contact?
How is she in your company?

Its early days but if you are not willing to ask her straight out where you stand then stop texting her and see what happens. She may well text you first or call you.

If she doesnt well it is possible that she is just not that into you. Again its early days. Try not to make excuses though for her we have all been hurt in the past, that does not mean we do not have to show respect to the new people in our lifes and ignoring your texts completely is a little ignorant tbh.

Nothing like a bit of reverse psychology really.

Rockstar*

HA I have tried - nothing happens!!

I suppose the only right thing to do is just go along with it for the time being , I mean if I knew it wasnt just be she didnt text back Id be fine with it but I cant help reading into it a little more than that im afraid - I just hope shes not wasting my time

spinandscribble

if shes been like this from day one maybe thats just the way she is. if she suddenly stopped txting you after being a txt whore, then you'd have something to worry about

Trinity

Rockstar* wrote:

HA I have tried - nothing happens!!

I suppose the only right thing to do is just go along with it for the time being , I mean if I knew it wasnt just be she didnt text back Id be fine with it but I cant help reading into it a little more than that im afraid - I just hope shes not wasting my time

No you dont go along with anything you are not happy with. Ask her. You said you tried not textin and nothing happened - How long did you wait before you contacted her?

Can you answer the other questions i asked too?

Faith

I have a friend who I'm quite close to. We spend a lot of time together socially, and in college. However, when we part, she persists in texting me. I need a bit of time to myself, so I don't write back, hoping she'll get the point and give me a break. Maybe your girlfriend is doing the same thing.

Pepe LeFrits

Rockstar* wrote:

HA I have tried - nothing happens!!

I suppose the only right thing to do is just go along with it for the time being , I mean if I knew it wasnt just be she didnt text back Id be fine with it but I cant help reading into it a little more than that im afraid - I just hope shes not wasting my time

Well you obviously didn't try properly because you're still in contact. If she is interested she'll contact you, you shouldn't have to do all the running.

McGinty

I would ditto what Trinity says, but I'm one of those women who hate texting, it is very time consuming and I find it really irratating, I also hate nightly phone calls as well, I prefer to have face to face contact. Personally I'm of the opinion that texting and phone calls tend to take away face to face contact, we are relying far too much on electronic communication and not enough personal contact, your girlfriend may feel the same way.

spinandscribble

its true. let her prove shes as keen into you. maybe she likes pulling the strings.

Rockstar*

we do something every few days and its usually me who suggests we do something although she sounds up for it when I ask most of the time when shes nothing else on....and shes just fine in my company....I know this probably points to me being paranoid and yeah maybe I am but its hard to ignore my gut feelings cause afterall Im not convinced she wants to be with me 100%

I waited a day to text her

and yeah maybe she IS trying to tell me something - Ill take that on board

Pepe LeFrits

A day!?!? ONE day???

Zapho

Not a fan of texting either, or text conversations for that matter. If a girl texts me and I don't need to reply immediately, I won't!

As long as she doesn't ignore you when the two of you are together, then you dont have much to worry about

Ickle Magoo

Rockstar* wrote:

we do something every few days and its usually me who suggests we do something although she sounds up for it when I ask most of the time when shes nothing else on....and shes just fine in my company....I know this probably points to me being paranoid and yeah maybe I am but its hard to ignore my gut feelings cause afterall Im not convinced she wants to be with me 100%

I waited a day to text her

and yeah maybe she IS trying to tell me something - Ill take that on board

A whole day, eh? :eek:

If you don't want to ask her outright then why not tell her to give you a bell when she fancies doing something then just stop calling, stop texting, stop suggesting dates - stop doing all the running, period. See if she chases you after a while. I'd feel pretty unsure about a relationship in which I was doing all the work. If you let her do some of the running then you will feel much better about her feelings when she comes chasing you. If she doesn't bother then you know exactly where you stand.

Trinity

A day - awh sounds like someone is smitten

Wait 2 days next time!

I understand where you are coming from but these insecurities and over analysing the situation is what ruins what is supposed to be the fun part. If she likes you, you will see it in her actions.

I love texting, dated guys who hated it. Dated one that was worse than me!

But generally when people are into you, they show it and you know.

If you are not happy with something dont be afraid to talk about it with her in a light hearted manner.

Rockstar*

well I asked her if she wanted to do anything after work in a text - she didnt reply - I said to myself "fck that" and didnt text her the next day either....then the following day I rang her and she acted as if nothing was up(in the past I wouldnt have phoned her ever again but thats how much I like this girl)

Rockstar*

smitten is right - its a nice feeling cause Im going out with her but theres also the doubt at the moment that she really wants to be there so I feel a bit vulnerable.....I feel like a sucker too cause I usually dont do much running at all

Im 24 now and the last time I felt like this about someone was 6 years ago-thats why Im making such a big deal about it and posting here...I just CANT fckk this up-she hasnt a clue I feel like this but I wanna make sure she doesnt find out and also wanna feel secure about how she feels:rolleyes:

secret_squirrel

Tbh I think you are wasting your time. You are infatuated with a girl to whom you're nothing more than a minor distraction.

What Im getting from this is that she is only interested in you until something better comes along when she will be off like a shot.

Dont contact her AT ALL for a week. If she doesnt intiate contact - dump her before she dumps you.

I dont think she's all that interested tbh.

Go and find a girl who is into you as much as you are into her.

theTinker

secret_squirrel wrote:

Tbh I think you are wasting your time. You are infatuated with a girl to whom you're nothing more than a minor distraction.

What Im getting from this is that she is only interested in you until something better comes along when she will be off like a shot.

Dont contact her AT ALL for a week. If she doesnt intiate contact - dump her before she dumps you.

I dont think she's all that interested tbh.

Go and find a girl who is into you as much as you are into her.

Are you his gf?

spinandscribble

jesus christ why is it guys love nothing more then a girl that'll treat him badly?

you said you havnt been like this before, so keen? this girl is the first girl thats made you run around after her? put simply you want what you cant have.

guys in my experience are like this. they dont want a gf thats as keen into them, they want the girl who doesnt give a monkeys for them. they might say they want a gf to treat them well but its always the girl that ****ed them around that they really want/care for.

leave txting her, wait til (if) she gets in contact with you. if she doesnt ring her to meet up. ask why and tell her the relationship doesnt mean that much to her if he has to chase her all the time. tell her you like her but you're not waiting around to fall for a gf that couldnt be bothered.

unless she makes a effort thereafter, break it off

LegacyUser

Ickle Magoo wrote:

A whole day, eh? :eek:

If you don't want to ask her outright then why not tell her to give you a bell when she fancies doing something then just stop calling, stop texting, stop suggesting dates - stop doing all the running, period. See if she chases you after a while. I'd feel pretty unsure about a relationship in which I was doing all the work. If you let her do some of the running then you will feel much better about her feelings when she comes chasing you. If she doesn't bother then you know exactly where you stand.

I'd second this but make sure you don't just stop texting. Like Ickle Magoo said, tell her to give you a shout when she wants to do something. If she doesnt contact you, well then...

spinandscribble wrote:

guys in my experience are like this. they dont want a gf thats as keen into them, they want the girl who doesnt give a monkeys for them. they might say they want a gf to treat them well but its always the girl that ****ed them around that they really want/care for.

It is the opposite way around in my experience i.e. the girls liking the "bad" guys.

spinandscribble

haha i wish i liked the "bad" guys. at least i'd know what to expect! mind you the last one has turned out to be a baddy and its only served to reinforce my liking of the "nice" guys

Black Swan

You should talk to her and share what you have shared with us? Then again, my gut feel is that you may be over reacting and could blow the relationship if you push it too hard. After all, it's only been a month.

LegacyUser

dude youre 24 you gotta just talk to her about it.

py2006

secret_squirrel wrote:

Tbh I think you are wasting your time. You are infatuated with a girl to whom you're nothing more than a minor distraction.

What Im getting from this is that she is only interested in you until something better comes along when she will be off like a shot.

Dont contact her AT ALL for a week. If she doesnt intiate contact - dump her before she dumps you.

I dont think she's all that interested tbh.

Go and find a girl who is into you as much as you are into her.

I would have to agree with this. It does sound like she isn't all that interested. If she was she wouldn't be ignoring your texts.

I went through a phase like this recently. We didn't get to the stage of going out but she knew how I felt and kept be dangling on a string until her situation changed.

It is infuriating when people ignore texts because they prefer face to face conversations. When your not face to face you can't have a face to face conversation.

Some people like to get the odd text here and there. It reassures people that they are being though of etc. When I got a text from that girl I liked my face lit up. But when I didn't get a response for like a day it made me feel like a total looser waisting my time. Which as it turns out was the case.

py2006

spinandscribble wrote:

jesus christ why is it guys love nothing more then a girl that'll treat him badly?

I think women are more guilty of this than men! Although it appears both sexes fall for this.

b3t4

Men love a b1tch as much as women love a b@stard.

OP, talk to your other half will ya? It'll save you all this stressing and guessing.

A.

cance

TBH i wouldnt get too upset about it, i hate texting, so much in fact my friends know that if they text me now they may get a response now, or they may get a response next week.

Its a f&$£ing lame form of communication, its handy for the "im just there, where abouts are you?" "give us a ring when you get a chance" "dinner friday night?" etc not full blown, "how was ur day?mine was bad,how are you feeling?what are you up to?" etc.

LegacyUser

Maybe she doesn't like 'Text Pests'.

It's very easy to get into the habit of sending out texts
right, left and centre, all day, every day. This is fine if
U have nothing else to do all day long except scratchin
yer balls. However, maybe the girl is busy with her work
etc.

Húrin

This thread has drawn no conclusive answers to the OP, I say just ask her.

spinandscribble wrote:

jesus christ why is it guys love nothing more then a girl that'll treat him badly?

That's OK, women are exactly the same.

secret_squirrel

H&#250 wrote: »

This thread has drawn no conclusive answers to the OP, I say just ask her.

I disagree. There seems to be 1 of 2 possibilites according to all the posters.

1. She is not a texter - deal with it.

2. She's not interested - deal with it.

It shouldn't take the OP more than 5 mins to work out which one is true.

Mojito

or

3. She is not a texter and she's not interested - deal with it.