Problems socialising. Starting a 1yr course tomorrow...

LegacyUser

Hi,
Im a very shy person (almost 18) suffering from severe anxiety and have always found it hard to fit in anywhere cause of this. I get anxious over anything to do with meeting new people but whats worse for me is starting in a college where i do not know anyone... This is exactly what is happening tomorrow and im the most anxious ive ever been for a long time! I know for certain that i will be the only one there (as usuall) who will be a loner and wont be friends with anyone at the end of the month... This kinda thing is always so humiliating for me... Im just dreading going in tomorrow and im feeling so down... Just some advice from ppl would be helpfull, and if theres anyone who suffers/suffered the same sort of problem i have please let me know how you have overcome it.

JC 2K3

I had a similar problem, can't comment on the extremity of the situation though.

The one thing you should remember is on the first day no one views you as any different to anyone else. If you go up and talk to random people they won't give a shit(first time convos are simple - "Hi, what's your name? My name's X. What school did you go to? Looking forward to starting here?" etc.).

Basically, get to know a couple of people the first day(no matter how vaguely, letting them know who you are is enough), it's the easiest day to do it. One you know a few people you can say hi to you'll settle in a lot easier.

Madge

Hi Unreg345,

The best thing to do is realise that everyone is in the same boat as you- starting a new course. I can guarantee that even the most confident people will be a tad nervous or anxious. Its the same as starting a new job.
You don't have to act all pally wally with everyone, all you have to do is show an interest in them- ask them questions, like whats their name, why they pick this course etc. Just make general small talk. Remember to smile too! Even if you don't feel like it.
The only way you'll end up a loner is if you CHOOSE to be. Don't go into class with a negative attitute like that. You have to visualise yourself being comfortable and well able to make friends. Because YOU CAN

Scraggs

I'm sure that there will be other people there that are feeling the same as you OP [trust me I know from experience]. Remember that nearly everyone will be leaving their friends from school behind and its a new situation which for many is really daunting. College [well in my experience so far] is totally different from secondary school and people generally leave all the pettiness and childish crap behind them!

Its really hard to do but smile, break the ice and introduce yourself.
Find out something about them, ask them where they're from, what they like to do? I'm not sure what course you are doing but perhaps you could ask them something course related.
Speak to the people you're sitting next to, as well as people before and after your classes.

I'm sure the college will have different clubs that you might be interested in, you'll meet lots of people who share the same interests.

The most important thing of course is to be yourself! Theres nothing worse than someone who is putting on an act trying to impress others or be someone they aren't!

Best of luck:)

Jonny Arson

Aye some good advice on this thread

Unreg345 wrote:

Hi,
Im a very shy person (almost 18) suffering from severe anxiety and have always found it hard to fit in anywhere cause of this. I get anxious over anything to do with meeting new people but whats worse for me is starting in a college where i do not know anyone... This is exactly what is happening tomorrow and im the most anxious ive ever been for a long time! I know for certain that i will be the only one there (as usuall) who will be a loner and wont be friends with anyone at the end of the month... This kinda thing is always so humiliating for me... Im just dreading going in tomorrow and im feeling so down... Just some advice from ppl would be helpfull, and if theres anyone who suffers/suffered the same sort of problem i have please let me know how you have overcome it.

Could I ask is your college a big/small college, big/small course?

Either way positivity will help you cope starting a new course/college. I'm pretty certain you'll not be the only one feeling anxious nervous starting so that immediately is a major plus! Start a bit of small talk, nothing too pushy or heavy but be friendly and give off the impression that you are approachable and someone people would want to be friends with, if you are feeling all negative inside that will actually show in some shape or form so you're really going to have to make an effort interacting with these new people, i know this is easier said than done but you have to stay positive and believe in yourself.

You won't make best friends with people in one day or one week, it takes time to get to know people so don't be too downhearted if you're not on the piss with people off your course by next week. Step by step, get to know people, you will probably get rejected by some people, that's a fact, even in the last 2 weeks in college myself trying to get some people to make any effort to talk is like trying to get blood out of a stone, some of these people were outright unfriendly and some were pure cagey/shy - if you're like the latter some people may interpret that you're unfriendly unfortunately, respond and make an effort to speak to people, if you don't you're worst fears of being isolated may come true.

Smile on face, be nice, bit of small talk, positive thinking, be yourself and i'm sure you will be grand, good luck!

Zillah

You're just gonna have to bite the bullet unfortunately.

Walk up to someone who looks friendly. Say "Hello, I'm X!" Take it from there. Perhaps try a "Whats your name?" followed by "Like the college so far?"


Dive head in. No other way around it. The vast majority of people will respond nicely. Even if you get nervous and mess it up and splutter, most people will ignore it and try to be nice.

Seriously, dive in. After the first introduction or two you'll wonder what the big problem was.

abetarrush

slag the teachers

great ice-breaker

BrenC

Just say hows it going,whats your name, im ____,

.....

LegacyUser

Thanks guys. I'll see what happens tomorrow. Just gotta hope it wont be too overwhelming...

LegacyUser

Unreg345 wrote:

Hi,.. Im just dreading going in tomorrow and im feeling so down..

This is going to be written all over your face tomorrow if you don't
get a positive attitude / chill-out. Nobody wants to hang-out with a person who is socially awkward and uncomfortable in social situations.

Basic rule of thumb is just talk to the people you meet the same way you talk to your friends. If you start analysing situations and people too much - it will just lead to social paralysis where will be afraid to talk to anyone. Chill out your class mates are human too.

Small talk is your friend tomorrow - as one poster suggested slag the teachers, talk about weather - anything - just dont be a wall flower.

Don't give a sh^t what people think about you.

Go to your class parties / events. Alcohol can be a great social lubricant
esp. if you are really nervous.

So go to college tomorrow - smile, head up , act confident even if you're not!...when you start to interact with your class mates u will discover they do not bite and most of them are just as nervous as you tonight.

Friendships for life can be made in the next 12 months.

Bartronilic

Obviously you're going to trinity. You will get on absolutely fine there absolutely. As long as you aren't cynical towards people's accents eg. "that guy is way too posh," or "that guy is the biggest bogger ever".

Black Swan

Is there something you really enjoy doing? Join a Soc that is for people who enjoy this thing too.