Fear

LegacyUser

Its hard to put down on paper what my personal issue is. I don't really know myself how to pin point it.

Basically I'm a 21 year old guy (with a decent degree) whoose terrified of life. Afraid of getting a simple menial job, talking to a girl, learning how to drive to lodging money in the bank. Little things that people do every day are a big deal for me.

I've tried and am trying to nut up basically but I don't think I'm strong enough. I just put things off, make execuses and its been like that really since I was 18. Now its all coming to a head.

My family (mother and younger brother) have had mental health problems in the form of depression and panic attacks. And although I'd really like to talk i through with them how I feel, I don't want to put any more stress on them, especially my mam.

I just feel like I'm in a big black hole. I hate where I am at the moment but am in total fear of doing anything about it.

Zillah

My personal opinion would be that you should throw yourself in the deep end. In old days they'd have put you in the army; once you've shot people it puts things in perspective

Anyway, modern solution I think would be to go on a big scary holiday on your own. Don't even book accomodation, just dive right in and you'll desensitize yourself to this sort of stuff.

Or see a counsellor. Thats good too.

Ruu_Old

I would take one thing at a time. You might have to force yourself to do some of these things. I understand how you feel, I think the feeling you have is that you may feel that you are a bit lost among all these things and it is weighing heavily on your mind.
Take things easy, make a list for yourself and set yourself goals like I will get lessons for driving by Monday Oct [insert date] and so on. Good luck.

Crucifix

Aside from therapy/counselling, the only thing you can do is try. If you let it get on top of you you will end up agoraphobic, and quite likely a recluse.

Kevo

I agree with zillah. Used to be in a similar situation. I got a job where I had to interact with people all the time. It was horrible for the first week but I became comfortable with it after a while.

Sam Vimes

as they say on nike ads:

just do it


as as they say on dr. pepper ads:


what's the worst that can happen?



honestly, consider the second one. before you do something, think "what's the worst that can happen" and you'll realise: not a whole lot

turbot

My suggestion is:

Read as many books as you can by Robert Anton Wilson.

Lets see if you can maintain your limitations after reading him!

Black Swan

Agree with Ruu. Make a list, then work on one thing at a time until your list is complete. Maybe give yourself a little reward after you finish each task. And when you complete the list, time to party! Something to look forward to.

Marksie

Unreg 21 male wrote:

I just feel like I'm in a big black hole. I hate where I am at the moment but am in total fear of doing anything about it.

Fear can be like that. We all are afraid at times.. usually because what we are about to do is an unknown quantity. In my case, a simple example would be giving a lecture to a group of people in a conference... My thoughts had built it up to something gigantic and in the end it wasn't. But it could be anything, a first date, even phoning someone.

At the risk of sounding pretentious i will put a quote here:

"Fear makes the wolf bigger than he is."

I think it was Emerson who said the only way out of fear is through it. The next time something shows you fear within yourself, go through it instead of running away. Running only allows your fear to gain ground, not you. Not facing your fear is much harder than dealing with it.

As others have said, start small, make a list and overcome a step at a time.