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Out of the loop for a while - can't decipher feelings!!!!

  • 09-10-2006 1:39pm
    #1
    Up_Mayo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8 ✭


    Hi all....never thought I'd be writing about an issue I have on this site but here it goes.....

    I'm a 34 year old unmarried father of one. My little girl is 5 and myself and her mum have been apart since just after she was born. We get on okay and I live in the same area as my daughter. Since that relationship, which was fairly tramumatic I've pretty much avoided relationships, dating etc....

    I've had the odd one nighter but always avoided going any further with it as my life was too complicated and I always felt that I could never give someone the committment required with my little girl on the scene and all.Prior to my little girl coming on the scene I was a bit of a player and kind of regret a lot of behaviour back then. Now a lot of my female friend say they can't understand why I don't just get out there and move on with my life and start a relationship. They reckon that I'm well in demand but I'm just too fussy or need to get over my supposed baggage.

    In the last few months I've got to know a girl who hangs in the same/similar cirles and we built up a great relationship as mates. A couple of my friends told me that she was keen on me but I never acted on it as she is only 24.......
    Anyway lately things have happened, we spent a few nites together. No full sex mind you as she says initially ''All you want to do is get into my knickers''!!! She's been messed about before & I knew this anyway and I really respect her & wanna show her that I'm not one of those fellas who have used her before. I think I'm developing feeling for her but dunno am I just lonely or horny or really falling for this girl. Haven't had that kind of feeling in a while....i've been a bit aloof with her on occassion cos I'm afraid too.

    Dunno what to do....really should find out how she feels but don't know how to approach it. There are so many things going through my head...my little one, the age difference & what are my feelings...do I really like this girl or is it something else!!! Anyway I can't work this out!


Comments

  • #2
    chamlis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,175 ✭✭✭chamlis


    The most obvious thing is the age difference. Figure out if that's a problem before you do anything else or go any further. If it's not (and it really shouldn't be, it's not like she's 18) then work from there. But you gotta decide before you go any further. It's a powder keg; there are going to be people who'll judge. But ye're both cool with it, and ye're mates are too, then the other people won't matter.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi Op - listen, that is pretty much the same age difference as me and my BF (me 25, he 34) and it doesnt even register on the scale as a problem. if thats all thats holding you back, then id say go for it.

    however, have you sussed out her feelings on you and your child might be? she is a young single carefree girl, how do you think she will cope/react with your situation as a single father?

    best of luck!


  • #4
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Up_Mayo wrote:
    Dunno what to do....really should find out how she feels but don't know how to approach it. There are so many things going through my head...my little one, the age difference & what are my feelings...do I really like this girl or is it something else!!! Anyway I can't work this out!

    Relax!
    First off, be honest and tell her that it's been a while since you've been with anyone for more than a one nighter, but you'd like to take her out as you think she's a grand girl and you like to get to know her properly. Tell her you'd like to take things easy and just enjoy her company with no pressure.
    As for the age difference, piffle. I'm with my bloke 7 years now and he's 7 years younger than me. Age is a number in your head.


  • #5
    Trinity
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,662 ✭✭✭Trinity


    Dont try so hard to work things out!

    I am sure you are not under any pressure to 'know' or 'tell her' what it is you are feeling.

    Thats what dating is for. If you are just honest with her and dont lead her on by promising the sun moon and stars then just enjoy it and go with the flow.

    Your feelings will become clear in time just ease yourself back into it!!


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