ex and friends

LegacyUser

i broke up with my bf about 2months ago, it was a mutual breakup and it wasn't over anything big just that things weren't working out as he was being too over protective over me..we both went our seperate ways after breaking up and never got back together properly...i still have feeling for this guy as he was my first and i am still very fond of him and he was very nice to me...

we have met up a few times for coffee in the last few weeks (on my initative) and he always seems keen to meet me and sorry to see me go.eg if i have to go do study or something he'd walk me to the library...the other night we met up for coffee and things were going great and then i tried to touch his hand and he pulled away and said he wasn't ready for a relationship (he has been on a few brief encounters with other girls since we broke up but nothing permanant)..i just don't understand it cos he was giving every inclination he liked me and just pulled away...he said he just wants to me friends etc but leaves nice things on my bebo so im very confused... what should i do..is he just trying to have me around because he hasn't met anyone else special recently? or is it true that men do actually want to be friends with their exs and will never want nothing more? i thought this was impossible..

Trinity

Hes probably confused.

Why dont you stop initiating the meetings and see what happens.

Give him time to miss you - i am very fond of that saying.

yes i do believe some men can just be friends if he liked you as a person thats not gonna change overnight.

Take things slow.

An ex is an ex for a reason and if it was a mutual breakup and not a heated row, just that things were not working out, well then you have to accept his friendship and the fact that it didnt work out and maybe he realises this as should you.

Are you looking for a reconciliation or are you making the break easier on yourself by still having him around?

These are questions you have to ask yourself before persuing a friendship with him.

Ruu_Old

Try not to get confused with your feels OP, you say he is nice and that are very fond of him. Make sure it is a relationship that you want.
Give him his space and you need your own too. You can't build a relationship on what you have before.

Black Swan

Continue seeing him, if a relationship is what you want again. Coffee is fine. Stay in touch. If an opportunity comes up, then talk about it. But no pressure. Take it slow and easy.

LegacyUser

unrefg wrote:

i broke up with my bf about 2months ago, it was a mutual breakup and it wasn't over anything big just that things weren't working out as he was being too over protective over me..we both went our seperate ways after breaking up and never got back together properly...i still have feeling for this guy as he was my first and i am still very fond of him and he was very nice to me...

Doesn't sound very mutual to me. It sounds from what you say above that you broke up with him because he was being over protective.

I'm sure if he still meets up with you that he still likes you but maybe he just doesn't want to get hurt by you again and thats why he doesn't want to get too close? Be sure that you actually want to get back with this guy first as to break up with him again, even for the same reasons as the last time wouldn't be fair on him. Good luck.

LegacyUser

to the above poster- in fairness though the guy wanted a break as much as i did and wanted to break up as much as I did and said he wanted a break. how would you know unless you were there? he wanted a break too to study for his exams. i tried to talk it though at the time and ended up getting ignored by the above person which hurt me a lot before we broke up. and in fairness i think your answer's a bit biased in that there's two people in a relationship not one so i don't think anything could ever be one-sided.

thanks to all the other posters for some great advice.

LegacyUser

hmmmm wrote:

Doesn't sound very mutual to me. It sounds from what you say above that you broke up with him because he was being over protective.

I'm sure if he still meets up with you that he still likes you but maybe he just doesn't want to get hurt by you again and thats why he doesn't want to get too close? Be sure that you actually want to get back with this guy first as to break up with him again, even for the same reasons as the last time wouldn't be fair on him. Good luck.

This is the only advice off here you need to take, excellent advice & I reckon it hit the nail on the head!!

Betsyboop

i'd say take a break and don't initiate anything for while. Maybe look around for new people as in my experience ex gfs can't be just friends with their bfs. The guy sounds really confused but said he didn't want a relationship with you..so why is he sticking around if he's not interested? maybe he just likes having someone interested in him and like someone mentioned doesn't want to commit to anything yet.
but then are you doing yourself a disservice from meeting other fellas in the hope that this guy might offer something more?..you said it yourself things weren't working out and he was being over-protective so if it was a mutua break-up you have to ask yourself do you want to get back with this person and why didn't things work out?