dunno whats goin on

degrassinoel

hi,
not sure if this is the right forum, if not, i apologise.

am a partially regular user, i dont really know who else to turn to about this..so i'll just explain the situation

So i met this girl in a club,
she gave me her number, we texted for a while and eventually met up.
we seemed to have loads in common.
great says i.
we met once or twice after that and we were getting on like a house on fire. she told me she was on the game. i nearly died. but we're still seeing each other. this isnt the most troubling part. I have basiclly learned to deal with that as i know what she does is morally wrong to me, but i can understand it as she makes an enormous amount of money.

i'm searching my soul here for answers to why this girl is interested in me, she is fantastic, and no, we havent had sex. i am unemployed, i'm 30 years old, i'm not the greatest looking fella. but still i'm flooded with compliments from her, and she does actually make me feel really good about myself.

Am i being groomed? my head is literally all over the place right now, i feel like a teenager that's lovestruck.

did you guys ever hear about anything like this before or is this new territory?

Cheers

sonic juice

Dude I think you posted in the wrong section,maybe it would be more suitable to the personal issues forum

degrassinoel

yep i misclicked, should have been personal issues

degrassinoel

thanks for all the advice

spinandscribble

whats being "on the game"?
is she a hooker?

Black Swan

Well, if the money making profession is what I think it is, I would personally have trouble seeing a future in the relationship. Then again, maybe she is a "Pretty Woman," like in the Julia Roberts film, looking for her Prince Charming to help her break out? She started out with honesty, and that's a plus. As to why she is attracted to you, not knowing you, I don't feel qualified to guess.

cournioni

I don't really know what you want us to say. You obviously like this woman, but her "profession" is something which you find immoral which is leaving you confused. "Should I be with her or should I not be with her"? Fact is, only you can answer that question.

Just tell her how you feel about everything. Discuss this "profession" of hers a little more and see why she does it.

Marksie

degrassinoel wrote:

i'm searching my soul here for answers to why this girl is interested in me, she is fantastic, and no, we havent had sex. i am unemployed, i'm 30 years old, i'm not the greatest looking fella. but still i'm flooded with compliments from her, and she does actually make me feel really good about myself.

Am i being groomed? my head is literally all over the place right now, i feel like a teenager that's lovestruck.

did you guys ever hear about anything like this before or is this new territory?

Cheers

I have been in that position a few years back, though the lady in question was no longer on the game.
She told me about it and the reasons why and left it for me to decide where i wanted to go, and whether i could see pass what she had done.

As Blue lagoon said she started with honesty and you must remember that she is human too with all the feelings and frailties.
It is possible that she sees you as a human rather than a client and so i think looks etc. are not important.

Still... you havent had s*x, and one thing is that how would you feel? The only thing i could say is that if you reach that stage then it is her as a person you would be with... but you might find it hard for negative thoughts to intrude.

I suppose the difference in my case was that the woman in question was only on the game for about 3-4 months, for specific reasons then stopped. I dont know if that is the case with the woman you are talking about.

But i think she has been open and communicated this to you for a reason. Time for you to reciprocate and get your thoughts and views out there with her. What it means to her, why, what it menas to you, and how would you handle it should she continue. I would do this sooner than later bnefore you go much deeper..but it must be a thorough and frank discussion.

Zulu

"In the port of Amsterdam
There's a sailor who drinks
And he drinks and he drinks
And he drinks once again
He'll drink to the health
Of the whores of Amsterdam
Who've given their bodies
To a thousand other men
Yeah, they've bargained their virtue
Their goodness all gone
For a few dirty coins"


It would eat me up inside and spit me out. You're a biger man than me if you could survive that knowledge.

I don't mean to offend you; I wish you every happiness.

Marksie

Zulu wrote:

"In the port of Amsterdam
There's a sailor who drinks
And he drinks and he drinks
And he drinks once again
He'll drink to the health
Of the whores of Amsterdam
Who've given their bodies
To a thousand other men
Yeah, they've bargained their virtue
Their goodness all gone
For a few dirty coins"


It would eat me up inside and spit me out. You're a biger man than me if you could survive that knowledge.
I don't mean to offend you; I wish you every happiness.

I like thats song, but would argue that the statement about the goodness being gone is not correct, it is just a catchy lyric... the person i knew was a very loving person indeed.

But zulu, you have a valid point, and yes that is what the OP has to decide... wether he can see through it, or whether he will be damaged by it.

Still i am not trying to cause offence either

dr.bollocko

Maybe she is just looking for a nice decent bloke to start a proper relationship with. Maybe you are that nice and decent bloke. I don't think she is pulling the wool over your eyes mate, its up to you, but I would take her at face value until she gives you a reason not to...

Zulu

I know it's just a lyric, but I wouldn't be able to handle the fact that anyone could have had her, and that many did. I'd also have problems coming to terms with what else she could/would have done for money, and the type of people that would have had her...

...there are a million things that would eat me up. I couldn't do it, and I'm a lesser man for it, but I know myself well enough at this stage...

On an aside - it's a great tune.

Mr. Presentable

She seems to be honest with you, which is good. Only you can decide if her "occupation" is a problem. As an unemployed man, how would you feel about taking money, a gift, a drink from her, knowing how it's paid for?

Of course, she could be grooming you to take care of a pimp for her.........

Talliesin

I doubt she's grooming you (what the hell for, you don't sound like a good target for that).

She is making sure you're okay enough with her being a prostitute before things progress further.

As long as neither of you have silly ideas that you'll be able to "whisk her away from all that", which it doesn't seem like you could, it's all just a matter of whether you can personally deal with what she does for a living, what that means for what sex between you will mean to you, and the fact that she is living a criminal and risky lifestyle.

degrassinoel

thanks for the replies, am still lost at the moment, head spinning.

but i have a lot of food for thought, instead of just running around in circles.

Thanks for the help.

Seraphina

i love the way all the guys that argue that there's nothing wrong with prostitution and if thats how they want to make their money etc its fine that wouldn't go near and actual one with a 10 foot barge pole unless it was to 'use' her.

she's human too, looking for friendship and possibly love despite her method of making money. she's been honest with you from the start and its really up to you. i would say you should continue seeing her and see how things work out. there's no reason to believe you're being 'groomed' for anything, is it so crazy to assume she just likes you as a person?

Zulu

Seraphina wrote:

i love the way all the guys that argue that there's nothing wrong with prostitution and if thats how they want to make their money etc its fine that wouldn't go near and actual one with a 10 foot barge pole unless it was to 'use' her.

I love the way you drag out your brush and tar everyone at ease. Can you provide any evidence to your above statment?

degrassinoel

Seraphina wrote:

i love the way all the guys that argue that there's nothing wrong with prostitution and if thats how they want to make their money etc its fine that wouldn't go near and actual one with a 10 foot barge pole unless it was to 'use' her.

she's human too, looking for friendship and possibly love despite her method of making money. she's been honest with you from the start and its really up to you. i would say you should continue seeing her and see how things work out. there's no reason to believe you're being 'groomed' for anything, is it so crazy to assume she just likes you as a person?

what i'm mainly concerned about right now is how i feel about her, and how she feels about me, i keep thinking about how much i want a monogamous (sp?) relationship.
but again, this is shadowed by how i feel right now.

I understand what she does for money, and i understand its addictive, but i cant get my head around it.
I'm wondering if i can ever trust someone who is having sex with other men for money.
But.. also i'm thinking that yeah, jesus she was so honest and up front about it from the start, and maybe thats part of the attraction to her too.

Or it could be the fact that she is probably the strongest personality/or most manipulative person i have ever met, and i find that extremely attractive.. (the strenght part).

at this point i'm paranoid, scared, excited, and frustrated, but also i really want to be around her all the time. As a boyfriend, not a pimp or client or whatever else.

one more thing i was thinking, is this; i have no kids, and i am 29, could this ****ed up feeling i have right now, be something of a desire to be a parent figure/guardian to her or is it just a crush or something completely different.

this, honest to god, feels like a big crush i had on a girl when i was 17.
no appetite, cant sleep, head is actually dizzy sometimes, i'm constantly tired and broody, but when i'm with her i'm better than perfect, i feel euphoria.

ffs i dont wanna feel like this about anyone, it does not feel right, i almost feel obsessed. but then i could just have too much time on my hands being unemployed.

thanks for listening anyway.. it feels good to be able to talk about this, coz i cant/wont tell anyone i know irl just yet.