what the hell is he doing?

LegacyUser

Hi Guys going unreg for this!..I broke up with my boyfriend a year ago we had been going out for 2 years, most of the time it was great, but I battle with depression and he couldn't really handle it and towards the end of the relatioship I had a miscarriage or missed pregnacy as my Doctor called it!..he was allways scared of real commitment, he was like a big child and all our firends were getting married and he paniced.Anyway, we work together so I see him a lot but over the space of the year we have gone out for drives, gone to the pictures and we go for drinks quite a bit.

Since we broke up we have got on really well and we often spoke about getting back together but we didn't, but what confuses me is, he texts me every single day and we get on great and he flirts withme alot to, but, he says he doesn't want to get back together, but he won't let me go either even though we've tried it we've allways ended uo being friends. It's like as if he runs hot and cold on me all the time. Iguess what I'm asking is, why does he do it?..why does he text me all the time and go out with me, he says he doesn't really want to get back together, but that he still fancies me!!..any opinions would be apppreciated. Apologies for it being so long!

Ruu_Old

Probably because he hasn't gotten any space from you and that is down to the both of ye. I guess he still wants to wrap you up in cotton wool. Move on, with or without him as he will do the same.

Sony

Sounds like he's afraid of you meeting someone else and is sort of stringing you along till someone he "does want to go out with" pops up...youre his safety net. Either way you should sort this out and tell him to either say he wants to get back with you or stop flirting and telling you he fancies you-not on:rolleyes:

Heyes

Sony wrote:

Sounds like he's afraid of you meeting someone else and is sort of stringing you along till someone he "does want to go out with" pops up...youre his safety net. Either way you should sort this out and tell him to either say he wants to get back with you or stop flirting and telling you he fancies you-not on:rolleyes:

Hit the nail on the head unfortunately

Chinafoot

mondello wrote:

Iguess what I'm asking is, why does he do it?..why does he text me all the time and go out with me, he says he doesn't really want to get back together, but that he still fancies me!!..any opinions would be apppreciated. Apologies for it being so long!

Been there and it sucks! I ended a pretty rocky 2 year relationship and afterwards he decided he wanted to be friends. He'd call down to me and we'd go for drives and have a chat and he'd tell me how he still loved me, etc. I said I still loved him so why don't we get back together but he said no. Turns out he was with someone else (a few weeks after we split up and, if friends are to be believed, a few weeks before we ended) but he still kept telling me how he loved me but was going to stay with this other girl.

He messed with my head for months and flitted back and forth between telling me he loved me and then telling me he never loved me at all and then back to loving me..!

In the end I told him to go and jump because it wasn't worth the heartache. He had no intention of ever getting back with me but he still didn't want to let me go completely. It was better to just cut my losses and say goodbye for good.

OP: you've been over for a year and while it may be awkward seeing as how you work together, you are not a couple anymore. He needs to accept that and let you move on. If you can remain friends then fantastic. But if you are being strung along by him as some sort of back-up then its not a real friendship and you'd be better off saying goodbye.

Sit him down and tell him that he needs to make his mind up once and for all and if he doesn't want to get back with you he needs to stop messing with your head by telling you he fancies you. (Hopefully he's not trying to suss you out for a fúck-buddy scenario :rolleyes: )

Lust4Life

I totally agree with Sony.
Tell the man to fish or cut bait now.
It's not fair to either of you to be in a half-relationship.

Black Swan

mondello wrote:

he texts me every single day and we get on great and he flirts withme alot to, but, he says he doesn't want to get back together,

why does he do it?..why does he text me all the time and go out with me, he says he doesn't really want to get back together, but that he still fancies me!!..

Are you guys still sleeping together? If so, could it be that he wants the benefits of a relationship, but does not want a commitment? No future in that. It would seem that a decision needs to be made, and if there's no commitment from it, perhaps it's time to move on?

theTinker

peachypants wrote:

Been there and it sucks! I ended a pretty rocky 2 year relationship and afterwards he decided he wanted to be friends. He'd call down to me and we'd go for drives and have a chat and he'd tell me how he still loved me, etc. I said I still loved him so why don't we get back together but he said no. Turns out he was with someone else (a few weeks after we split up and, if friends are to be believed, a few weeks before we ended) but he still kept telling me how he loved me but was going to stay with this other girl.

He messed with my head for months and flitted back and forth between telling me he loved me and then telling me he never loved me at all and then back to loving me..!

That sounds like a nasty experience, all messy and yucky and heart breaking

OP: This type of thing happens alot. In the end it always has to be one of you to stop it as it just goes on and on and on and on......
You should tell him to either get back together or stop the middle ground ****. Hes probably afriad to let you go so he keeps you around him always but hes said he doesnt want to get back so your only gonna be around till he can replace you. Whats gonna happen if you were around him all the time when he gets a new girl? you gonna get shunned or worst have to hear about the new girl all the time.
Sadly, your relationship is over now and if it ever did get back together, its not gonna happen since he has you around him anyways.
I suggest you end the stale mate and take some needed space.

LegacyUser

thanks guys for all your replies. I know it's a very messy and sad situation and as hard as it is, it's very hard to let him go as we are each others best firend's also and I still love him very very much, and both of us have not been with anyone else since we broke up...I have tried to distance myself from him but that doesn't seem to work, when we;re at work, he always follows me around and sits beside me and stuff, and if I don't reply to his texts he keeps asking am I ok, or why didn't I reply...He has told friends in the past that he still loves me but is afraid of getting hurt...Sometime's it feels like we are still in the relationship even though we aren't...95% of the time, our relationship was amazing and we were very happy, we had our stupid little fights like every couple do, I guess it's just weird because there has never been any closure I guess.