Yet another "Where to meet men" thread

LegacyUser

I'm a long-time member, and have seen countless threads on the subject in the past, but here I go again.

I've been single for over a year now and I'm going crazy. I've never been in a serious relationship and haven't yet lost my virginity (I'm 19). The problem is, I feel like I'm being left behind. All my friends at home are in serious relationships, all happily in love. I'm so grateful that I'm away in college so I don't have to be around them. This makes me feel like a horrible person, but I resent their happiness. I can hardly bear to listen to my best friend of 15 years talking about her boyfriend.

I want to be in a relationship so badly it hurts, but I simply can't seem to meet any men. I've tried and I've tried, but it's not working. I've joined societies, but I have the most girly tastes in the world, and they're all full of women. I do a girly course in college. I have nearly all female friends, except gay men and one straight guy who's like a younger brother, and doesn't have any good looking friends. Pubs aren't working for me, and I hate clubbing. It's too late in the term to take up any new activites, and I really don't fancy taking up a sport.

So, is there somewhere I'm missing? Where else is there that I can meet guys? I know this whole post probably reeks of patheticness, but I appreciate any help you can offer.

Chucky the tree

When did you start college? No way is it too late to join any new societies.

I'd say most people will tell you they found there boyfriend through mates etc. Do all your female friends not have any male mates?

Pubs and clubs are great. Mainly people just out for a shag and not hugely interested in dating.

About the mate whos like a younger brother - incest is best!


or maybe not...


Best of luck anyway.

theTinker

Its a extremely common problem as can be seen by all the threads about it. The no clubbing thing you have really takes the mainstream way of hooking up out of your life, which obviously makes it hard for you. I am the exact same way. Its terribly difficult meeting girls without clubbing and hard to meet friends since I dont drink and dislike drinking scenes.

I've found over the last 6 or so months that I just have to put myself out there for exposure more than most. Like I met a friend on myspace.com, something i found highly odd, Another few people i met in work, but you gotta really put effort into dragging people into a friendship. Any people that you "occasionally" talk to when you pass them in the street(from ex school etc), Take the plunge and ask for there number to 'keep in touch' and after a couple chats be bold and ask them to a movie.
Basically because you wont meet many guys without clubbing etc, you'll just have to be more determined or proactive about making it happen with anyone you do see anyone.
Ask your friends if they have anyone they think you might like, You can do something as a threesome as friends and if you like the guy well then it cant start off from there. Dont wait for you to randomly bump into a friend and their friend, make it happen.
Even though its a girly course your doing, There must be guys in the college? You'll just have to be more bold than usually common with people and sit with some for lunch. No guy would be unhappy about a girl joining them for lunch. It'll be a bit nervy at the start but have a laugh at it.

BrenC

I don't go to clubs much either, every once in a while and I have no girls in my course AT ALL but I know lots of girls, just introduce yourself and you'll no doubt keep bumping into the same people, everything will work out in the end, it pretty much always does.

chamlis

If you look for a boyfriend you won't find one.
If you look for mates you might just find a boyfriend.

There's nothing more unattractive than desperation. You need to make peace with yourself and learn to enjoy your own company. Be content with yourself.
You'll soon find Boys want a bit of "what she's got"

Elessar

Might I ask why are you so desperate for a boyfriend? What will that really give you that you absolutely need?

Is it because all your mates have one? If it's to do with that then just forget about it. There's nothing worse than having a girlfriend who just uses you as a fashion accessory. I've known several lads who were generally no more important than their girlfriends iPod "cos everyone has one".

Apart from that what is it making you so desperate?

Trinity

you are trying too hard! Honestly i have seen it time and time again.

My friends would say the same to me and i would object and say i am not even trying but when a relationship was the ultimate goal then people can sense this.

19 is very young, you should be going on lots of dates. Try speed dating, or join a club but when it happens you will be tied down long enough just learn to relax.

Motley Crue

you seem like a nice enough person, and if i wasnt going out with someone, im sure id have no problem talking to you and getting to know you better. being a virgin at 19 is not crazy, and ive plenty of friends whom im sure would actually die to go out with a girl as open as you, at least you had the courage to talk about your feelings on here as opposed to keeping them all bottled up. its a pity we dont have a boards meet and greet for single people cause ive loads o guys who are single and around ur age or a little older and say the same thing lol

cluborange86

hey i know what you mean, im a single guy and im finding it difficult to find a nice girlfriend. i just broke up with my girlfriend during the summer so im finding this all pretty weird.

i like clubbing for having a laugh but not for going on the "pull" i hate when guys come up to my friends and pretty much grope them and i have to tell them where to go which has almost gotten me in a fight on more than one occasion. i dont want to be one of those guys.

but i do think meeting people through friends is the best way, its never too late to join a new society or club so look into that. as for speed dating i wouldnt think you'd find many guys at that cause i know i wouldnt go!

LegacyUser

chamlis wrote:

If you look for a boyfriend you won't find one.
If you look for mates you might just find a boyfriend.

There's nothing more unattractive than desperation. You need to make peace with yourself and learn to enjoy your own company. Be content with yourself.
You'll soon find Boys want a bit of "what she's got"

Take this advice.

Lonely06 wrote:

doesn't have any good looking friends

Also take a look at what you said here - maybe you didnt mean in a bad way but maybe thats the way you are thinking sub-consciously.

Sangre

Lonely06 wrote:

I want to be in a relationship so badly it hurts, but I simply can't seem to meet any men. I've tried and I've tried, but it's not working.

Hmmm, I think I may have cracked this little mystery. You're 19, you're the last thing guys your age want to meet. They can hear the boiling water in background awaiting their poor rabbit, Mr. Snuggles.
19 year old guys want to go out, meet different girls, booze and have a laugh. Meeting someone they want to go out with is poorly coincidental, it usually happens over the course of a few scores on different nights.

You're just going to have to make that effort to go to pubs and clubs if you want to meet guys. Guys that age usually need the social lubrication of booze to get the flirting going.

Sangre

hmmmm wrote:

Also take a look at what you said here - maybe you didnt mean in a bad way but maybe thats the way you are thinking sub-consciously.

I can't believe the tramp is so shallow! Whats wrong with inner beauty.....:mad: :mad: :mad:

Trinity

cluborange86 wrote:

hey i know what you mean, im a single guy and im finding it difficult to find a nice girlfriend. i just broke up with my girlfriend during the summer so im finding this all pretty weird.

i like clubbing for having a laugh but not for going on the "pull" i hate when guys come up to my friends and pretty much grope them and i have to tell them where to go which has almost gotten me in a fight on more than one occasion. i dont want to be one of those guys.

but i do think meeting people through friends is the best way, its never too late to join a new society or club so look into that. as for speed dating i wouldnt think you'd find many guys at that cause i know i wouldnt go!

LOl yeah i dunno about the speed dating then i just threw that in there!

Well i dunno if its against any rules on boards but it would be easy to organise a night out for the singles on here as a lot of people seem to be in the same boat whether it be jsut short of friends or looking for love :rolleyes: .

Failing that there are boards beers although from what i can gather they are only every few months.

Maybe ask the mods if it would be ok to organise a night out through one of the forums here??

Rabies

Trinity1 wrote:

Well i dunno if its against any rules on boards but it would be easy to organise a night out for the singles on here as a lot of people seem to be in the same boat whether it be jsut short of friends or looking for love :rolleyes: .

Failing that there are boards beers although from what i can gather they are only every few months.

Maybe ask the mods if it would be ok to organise a night out through one of the forums here??

OP, some colleges have forums here. If you are attending one of the colleges try to arrange a mini boards beer. Could help you a bit.

Not sure when the next boards beer is but maybe you couldjoin some college groups to improve your social scene.

Like another poster said, don't go looking for a b/f. Doesn't work like that.

ANXIOUS

where are you located, im 19 as well (male), i find from looking at people out in clubs and pubs that women are constantly swarming around them like sharks and that you could have your pick, maybe thats not what your looking for. Do you go to college socials?

oulu

The way you are talking your swear you where 39 not 19, please chill out it is early in your life to be only happy if you have a man, anytime for that would be wrong and sad. stop trying for god,s sake you stand out like a sore thumb and men can tell this. Nothing more to frighting to a man than a women who wants to be serious. the virgin thing will sort its self out dont worry about that. when you do lose your cherry please enjoy been single for at least year

LegacyUser

theTinker wrote:

Take the plunge and ask for there number to 'keep in touch' and after a couple chats be bold and ask them to a movie.

lol im doing that exact thing atm:D

King of Kings

you're trying to hard....you seem to need a man at all costs.

We guys might be thick but a bunny bolier is one thing we can smell a mile off.

As a previous poster said - try and make some male friends and from them - be it one of them or a friend of their relationships will come.

Also if you constantlyjudge a guy by his looks alone (as you mentioned in the point about your male friend's friends) you'll probably end up missing out on somebody that's really good fun.

Black Swan

You can always join another SOC, just make sure there's a good mix. Maybe drop the mostly female SOCs if you're pressed for time? I'm in taekwondo, and at the upper levels of mastery it's mostly guys who pursue this Olympic sport and martial art. So for a girl, even at white belt entry level, it's a target rich environment. They should have one or more martial arts SOCs on campus that would love to recruit you anytime during the year (and you could increase your fitness and learn a little self-defense while you're at it).

onemanband

First things first you need to get yourself down to Ann Summers and invest in a decent rabbit. Relax and enjoy your sexual side without the need to find a boyfriend to jump into bed with straight away.

You should be patient about meeting someone and losing your virginity, otherwise you will end up having a fairly regretable experience.

Remember there are thousands of guys in the same boat looking to meet someone. You just need to put yourself in the shop window as much as possible. Pubs, clubs, bebo, myspace, boards, societies etc etc are the way to go. Just don't go overboard and be cool. Being desperate is the one sure fire way of blowing your chances.