LOVE Life - ZERO

In IRL

*LONG*

I am a 20 y/o guy (nearly 21) in college.

I need advice from people.

The problem is this - I have zero lovelife.

I have male and female friends from college but I usually just hang out with my male friends. With female frineds I just talk to in college and meet them in School parties. And theres hardly any house parties going on. I always go out to bars.

I have probably gone out to bars 50 times!
Some of my friends pull from here and there but Ive only scored once (out of fifty)!!! And that was because she started kissing ME, and not me to HER!!!!! And have got guess what 0 phone numbers from girls

My friends get girlfriends and get phone numbers but I just can't seem to do it.... and starting to get worried about it. Its two years in college and have NO zero zilch lovelife no action!!

I ask myfriends how they do it and they just tell me just to be a man and be confident about myself.. but this makes no sense to me. I wannna ask them what exactly to do to go about getting a snog/phone number but its just very embarasssing for me to ask them..I feel like I am lesser a man if I ask them

I have been sheltered by my mother in secondary school and I have only started interacting with girls as I moved to Dublin for college last year.

It just doesn't make any sense to me. I feel like I just have to figure this out by asking somebodyy..and boards.ie seems to be the best place to ask.

I just hang out with my friends when I go out and don't talk to girls at all and never get approached by girls either. My friends seem to somehow end up talking to girls. When I do takl to strangers its just with other fellas. How would I improve my lovelife. And please don't tell me to be confident/join a society/just be me stuff. I am happy enough with my social circle of guy friends and I want to improve my lovelife starting from here (basically going to clubs and bars. I am starting to like the whole club thing). How do I go about it?

*also is there anyone who would like to answer some of my private and specific questions via PM? if you are interested please reply here and I PM you some questions.*

FranknFurter

You say you are "starting to like the whole club thing", which implies you havent been comfortable with it until recently, so give it time, keep an active social life, and Im sure you will meet somone eventually. Perhaps when you are completely comfortable in your surroundings and social group.
Take your time.

B

Ruu_Old

Moved from After Hours, better place for your post. You need to be more confident, a lot of girls like that in my experience. This is something you need to work on. Good luck.

Laguna

I'm 23, I also have zero-lovelife, do I care - no. Neither should you, the more you dwell on it, the more it'll bother you. You might meet someone, you might not, there's nothing else to it really.

SpAcEd OuT

You say you never approach girls when you go out, how do you expect to pull if your not even attempting to talk to girls at clubs, its extremely rare [as you stated] for a girl to make a first move, get out of your comfort zone and actually go out on a whim and approach a girl, you'd be surprised how often this works, dont be nervous, just play it cool and talk to her it really is that simple

squealer_m

You need to approach the girls.

They aren't just going to flock to you for no reason.

You may get knocked back a few times but confidence is everything. If you appear relaxed and comfortable with yourself the girls will go for it.

Byrno

Man I was once like you and found it frightening to approach girls. My best advice is just to go up to them and start talking to them. Don't worry about being with them or anything, in fact I would recommend getting all thoughts like that out of your head. Just talk to them like they're one of the lads and you never know what'll happen. Have confidence, or at least appear that you do and what'll happen will happen.

And if you want to PM me about any other Q's I'd be happy to answer them.

Red Alert

This is a more common situation than you might think!

In IRL wrote:

I have male and female friends from college but I usually just hang out with my male friends. With female frineds I just talk to in college and meet them in School parties. And theres hardly any house parties going on. I always go out to bars.

I was a late starter when it came to asking girls out, kissing etc. Even from an early age though, I had many female friends, simply due to the population around where I lived and went to school. I kept up many of these friendships throughout secondary school. From what you're saying here, it's hard to make out how comfortable you are with your female friends.

In IRL wrote:

I have probably gone out to bars 50 times!
Some of my friends pull from here and there but Ive only scored once (out of fifty)!!! And that was because she started kissing ME, and not me to HER!!!!! And have got guess what 0 phone numbers from girls

Look at what you've said here. You're sociable! That's a good start. Let's build on that. I started going to pubs/clubs in my late teens but wouldn't try to engage a girl i hadn't met before in conversation for a long time after that. And you must be attractive too, seen as one girl closed the deal for you.

In IRL wrote:

My friends get girlfriends and get phone numbers but I just can't seem to do it.... and starting to get worried about it. Its two years in college and have NO zero zilch lovelife no action!!

I was in this situation for a good while. It turned out I never asked for kiss, date, phone number etc. It does take a big leap of confidence to ask a girl you haven't met before for her phone number.

In IRL wrote:

I ask myfriends how they do it and they just tell me just to be a man and be confident about myself.. but this makes no sense to me. I wannna ask them what exactly to do to go about getting a snog/phone number but its just very embarasssing for me to ask them..I feel like I am lesser a man if I ask them

There were one or two people in school who were great for dishing out advice without making you feel bad. You could also ask some girls you know - their advice can be really good.

In IRL wrote:

I have been sheltered by my mother in secondary school and I have only started interacting with girls as I moved to Dublin for college last year.

Mum-sheltering is very common, and even without it it's not very practical to have a girlfriend anyway whilst you still live at home (if she does too).

In IRL wrote:

I just hang out with my friends when I go out and don't talk to girls at all and never get approached by girls either. My friends seem to somehow end up talking to girls. When I do takl to strangers its just with other fellas. How would I improve my lovelife. And please don't tell me to be confident/join a society/just be me stuff. I am happy enough with my social circle of guy friends and I want to improve my lovelife starting from here (basically going to clubs and bars. I am starting to like the whole club thing). How do I go about it?

Again what this says to me is that you're a confident and relatively sociable guy. Girls seem to scare you for want of a better word! PM Sent.

r3nu4l

It can be hard to just approach a girl and start talking to her so why not just look around you, if you see someone you fancy maybe try to position yourself so that you can make eye contact.

This is important! Don't do the staring thing, it freaks women out!!

Instead, catch her eye and then look away as if a little embarrassed to have been caught, leave it a minute or two, look again and keep doing so until you catch her eye again, then give an apologetic little smile and slight shrug of shoulders, maybe raise an eyebrow. She may think you're an idiot or she may like what she sees and maybe look at you next time.

If she seems a little receptive (smiling or looking at you and raising an eyebrow etc) then you can probably approach her, say hello, ask her is she local or in your college etc. Don;t offer to buy a drink at this stage, smacks of desperation and a hint of 'then you'll have to talk to me or owe me something'.

Keep it friendly, introduce yourself, say a bit about what you do in college...don't get negative by saying 'Oh, I hate my course' or 'I'm going to fail my exams'. Keep it lighthearted and appear as though you are just a happy guy out for a good night. Don't try to dive in just because the clock is ticking. If things go well, ask the girl for her number, if things go better maybe you'll score.

None of what I've said is a step-by-step guide to scoring (if it was I'd patent the mtehod and be loaded!). Really, you need to be intuitive about it and relax. Try to judge her reactions and take it slow. It's not the be all and end all of a night. Take it as it comes, it will happen.

My 2 cents.

Black Swan

I am not a pubber or a clubber, although I have gone enough. You just started clubs? You could continue and see if something comes out of it? Also, check with your mates. If they are good friends of yours, they may introduce you to others?

Colm_OReilly

In IRL,

The bad news:
Ultimately any sort of success will come down to being confident and being yourself. Why this is frustrating is people usually just say "be confident" which is ambiguous. "Be yourself" is a scary concept for a number of reasons, least of which it forces you to define yourself first. Secondly, what do they mean by it? Essentially it's saying don't pretend to be something you're not. This does not mean that you can't become someone better, but living outside of your integrity will not help you at all.

The good news:
PM sent!

Colm