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(probably and old) Osama memo

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  • 16-10-2006 2:14pm
    #1
    danniemcq
    Registered Users Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭


    From: Bin Laden, Osama
    To: All Al Queda Fighters
    Subject: The Cave


    Hi guys,

    We've all been putting in long hours recently but we've really come together
    as a group and I love that! However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't
    forget to take care of the cave, and frankly I have a few concerns: -

    First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we should
    be even more concerned about the dust in our cave. We want to avoid
    excessive dust inhalation, (a health and safety issue) so we need to sweep
    the cave daily. I've done my bit on the cleaning rota ... have you? I've posted
    a sign-up sheet near the cave reception area (next to the halal toaster).

    Second: It's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying to
    scare the **** out of most of the world's population, okay? That means that
    while we're taping, please do not ride your scooter in the background or
    keep doing the 'Wassup' thing. Thanks.

    Third: Food. I bought a box of Dairylea recently, clearly wrote "Ossy" on
    the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, two of my Dairylea slices
    were gone. Consideration. That's all I'm saying.

    Fourth: I'm not against team spirit and all that, but we must distance ourselves
    from the Infidel's bat and ball games. Please do not chant, "Ossy
    Ossy Ossy, Oy Oy Oy" when I ride past on the donkey. Thanks.

    Five: Graffiti. To whoever wrote "OSAMA F***S DONKEYS" on the group toilet
    wall, it's a lie. The donkey backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself
    at the edge of the mountain.

    Six: The use of chickens is strictly for food. Assam, the old excuse that
    the 'chicken backed into me, whilst I was relieving myself at the edge of
    the mountain' will not be accepted in future. (With donkeys, there is a grey area).

    Finally, we've heard that there may be Western soldiers in disguise trying to infiltrate
    our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them.
    First patrol will be Omar, Muhammad, Abdul, Akbar and Dave.

    Love you lots, Group Hug. Ossy

    ps - I'm sick of having "Osama's Bed Linen" scribbled on my laundry
    bag. Cut it out, it's not funny anymore.


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