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past interfering with future?

  • 26-10-2006 4:37pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    please give me your advice. with my bf for 3 years. had always known he
    had slept around before i met him but didnt know until recently he was as bad as he actually was. he told me he has been with prostitutes, and actually slept with alot more women than i had thought, sometimes being with 3 women every night of the weekend, one resulting in him getting a girl pregnant(this i did know about). Now i feel like i dont know him anymore and if i should trust him as much as i did. Please give your opinions


Comments

  • #2
    Ruu_Old
    Closed Accounts Posts: 36,634 ✭✭✭✭Ruu_Old


    The past is the past so try not to dwell on it too much, if you are not able to come to terms with it then I suggest you talk to your partner about it. Are you both happy now? Has he changed? Did this all come up recently? Any doubts you have on trust should be addressed now.


  • #3
    metrovelvet
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Dissillusionment is part of the path of any relationship and a real test of mature conciousness. Its not always easy to love the warts, and most of the time we are happier with our delusions.

    The question I would ask, is given his past, does he have the emotional equipment to go the long haul with you?


  • #4
    secret_squirrel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,357 ✭✭✭secret_squirrel


    As long as it stays in the past its fine.

    However I have a suspicion that both you and I may be thinking "He's a serial shagger and bound to cheat."

    Now only you can know that with any likelyhood of accuracy.

    Quite simply the question boils down to :

    Do you trust him??

    Yes - then past shouldnt be a problem.
    No - You're in trouble.

    Try to get past your shock at his antics and consider the core issue.


  • #5
    Bazzy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,485 ✭✭✭Bazzy


    You look back you don't stare.

    I'm sure there's things you've done when you were younger that he doesn't know or doesnt need to know.

    If your relationship is ok then dont worry about it. If its not it thinky thinky time.

    Only you know him.

    3 girls in the one weekend is fairly impressive.:p


  • #6
    Rabies
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,258 ✭✭✭✭Rabies


    If he has was sleep in prostitutes before you got together, did you and he get an STI test?


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    none of the two of us have had an STI test done, something i want us both to do but he seems relutant on the idea. a girl i knew years ago became infertile as a result of an STI so i feel he should it from my point of view.
    can a fella really go from being such a serial shagger to a one woman man?
    he used to talk about marraige and kids in the first twelve months of our relationship but nothing lately...maybe he's missing his old ways.. he's 37 so i think he's at an age where he should learn how to keep it in he's pants


  • #8
    justsomebloke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,407 ✭✭✭✭justsomebloke


    Rabies wrote:
    If he has was sleep in prostitutes before you got together, did you and he get an STI test?


    ye I would agree with this, especially as he got another girl pregnant, so using condoms probably hasn't always been high on his prioity list, so If I was both of yous I would go get STI tests


  • #9
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I think you need to stop blaming your bf for doing what he did before you ever met & start concentrating on whether you can live with knowing what he did in the past.

    If you trusted your boyfriend yesterday, there is no reason to stop trusting him because he used to be promiscuous. Lots of promiscuous people go on to be happily monogomous. If, however, finding out about his past has changed how you feel about him & your relationship, then you need to do some thinking as to whether you are happy to be in a relationship with him now. It is unfair for you to dwell on it & punish your bf by being unhappy or angry - so you either need to come to terms & move on with your relationship - or just move on. Best of luck :)


  • #10
    Black Swan
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,355 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Everyone has things in their past they are not proud of. The past is the past. What about the 3 years you have been together? Was there trust? Did you love each other? Do you still love and trust each other now? If not, then get together and talk about it.

    Regarding a sexual past. I always think of the film "Pretty Woman" played by Julia Roberts. She was a young prostitute in the film, but wanted something more out of life. She found her prince and left prostitution. Would you hold that against her if you met such a person in real life?


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