jealous

LegacyUser

Hi, there was a topic similar to this recently so Ill try to keep this brief...

Basically Ive started seeing this really great girl, Im actually falling in love with her to be honest and I know that shes into me too(Ive been told by several people)...The problem is that shes an absolute nightmare for trying to make me jealous - this happens usually when we're out and a few drinks are on board, she'll blatently start chatting other fellas up and keep looking to see if Im watching(which I sometimes am cause she'll leave me sitting on my own when jus two of us go out ),then she'll say sorry afterwards but do it again the next time we go out. I dont say anything while this is going on for fear of looking like Im tryna control the girl and pretend Im not noticing her doing it.. Im more embarrassed than anything else when it happens..around a month ago I told her I didnt want any games being played but shes doing this bigtime now in my opinion and I cant bear the thought of having to break up with her over this cause im so crazy about her.

I AM a little bit insecure and slightly jealous type but I bottle it up well--unfortunatly in this case its getting a bit too much and I say this having thought things through carefully -im not exagerating or being paranoid in other words...I have tried talking to her b4 about this but it didnt go down well so I ignored it since then-any advice please?

Talliesin

Flirt outrageously.

If she doesn't mind, she's just flirty and not actually trying to make you jealous to play with her.

If she isn't just flirty, dump her.

GAA widow

Talliesin wrote:

Flirt outrageously.

If she doesn't mind, she's just flirty and not actually trying to make you jealous to play with her.

If she isn't just flirty, dump her.

i agree with what tallesin said

cheeky_guy

Next time she does it, just wait until she has her back to you and walk straight out the door. Switch off your phone and catch up with her the next day. That'll teach the auld beeach a lesson. LOL

easyontheeye

sounds like a dangerous aul head wrecking weapon to me...get rid!!

Moojuice

Good call cheeky guy. Seriuosly, its a good idea. If she asks whats up tell her you cannot be bothered watching her all over other guys. She seems like the type that wants what she cannot have so she might jump on you if you do that. It could go the other way but you have to have some sort of dignity. You are right in not wanting to seem like a control freak but you dont have to sit and watch it happening. Especially since you asked her not to do it. She seems to be doing it more intently since you asked her. teach her a lesson, walk away and wait for her to call you.

ferdi

she sounds like a headwrecker and very immature (in a bad way), tell her to sling her hook.

craichoe

Perhaps she doesnt see it as flirting, I had an ex who used to think i would flirt with any woman i talked to. I dunno .. maybe its about your perception, or perhaps she isnt aware of it.

Either way you should communicate how you feel to her, without flying off the handle, at the least you should give her the chance to give you an explanation.

If she gets a reaction out of it it may turn into a cycle of her flirting subconsciously and you getting angry about it.

In the end, do what you think is best and do whats right for you.

Laslo

Dump her. Life's too short.

hullaballoo

I'd agree with Talliesin as well, but sometimes it's not easy to flirt if you're shy, so here's what I'd suggest. Keep on bringing up her best friend (or an attractive friend of hers) in a nonchalant way, but often and persistently. That should make her jealous.

But do be careful, the last time I talked to a girl who did what your girlfriend does, I ended up being with her. Needless to say her boyfriend wasn't too impressed.

greenkittie

I once was seeing a guy who did this.. one time i was rather drunk and i walked up and gave the girl a sharp kick in the ankle she looked confused and he loved it! haha fun times

secret_squirrel

greenkittie wrote:

I once was seeing a guy who did this.. one time i was rather drunk and i walked up and gave the girl a sharp kick in the ankle she looked confused and he loved it! haha fun times

That was pretty dumb. Why did you kick your bf?

Idbatterim

pathethic! what age is she! seriously either start flirting yourself and see her reaction or get rid of her. One of the good points with the getting rid option is that if you tell her you are ending it, if she really does care about the relationship she will know you mean business and stop.

McGinty

I am a great believer in treating people with dignity, and from what I can see your girlfriend is not treating you with dignity, jealousy aside, if she is with you for a night out then she should be with you, not chatting up random guys, it smacks of bad manners, I would say to your gilrfriend that it bothers you, if she ignores what you say then walk out and leave her to it, it is not right for her to take her insecurities out on you,

Alter-Ego

Talk to her about it before starting to play games. If she's doing it on purpose, dump her!

Lust4Life

Oh, lighten up, people!
OP, maybe you need to be more clear with your lady as to where you both stand in your relationship. If you feel secure, her talking to other men shouldn't bother you.

I go to a pub and talk to EVERYBODY!
That doesn't mean I'm looking to go home with someone else, it just means I love being around people!

Have a sense of humour! She goes home with you. That's what matters!

mmenarry

Talk to her. She *may* be doing it just to see your reaction. If she's the attention seeking type, it'll only get worse if you take it in your stride.

Basically, it takes two people to have a relationship - if you aren't happy, and it can't be fixed, then move on.

M.

LegacyUser

I actually told her not too long ago that even though I was nuts about her I wanted to break up with her because it seemed like we both wanted different things from the relationship,which would'nt work and she drunkingly begged me not to - so we didnt.

There was a point there that if I felt secure I wouldnt mind her talking to other men, well this I dont mind at all but when she starts approaching random guys in the pub and leaves me sitting on my todd well its THEN that I start saying to myself right your taking the p*ss now this is a bit embarrassing...THIS makes me feel jealous and I dont know how anyone wouldnt be by it!

She knows where she stands with me cause Ive been very clear about communicating this kind of thing, Im never over the top about it but I've made sure she trusts me and knows I wont mess her around...cant say I feel the same way at all!

I've been through a lot in the past few years and Im just not someone that plays or wants to play games but do you think if I stopped phoning and texting her she'd want me more?...she never contacts me by the way or asks if I want to do anything its always the other way around and I do realise that this may be a little bit of a turn off but you've no idea how cracked about this girl I am...I think about her 24/7 and I cant help it,Its been so long since I felt like this . I completely forgot that you can actually feel this strongly about someone and the idea of just telling her to sling her hook just wont sit with me,I cant bear the thought of that and its been 8 years since I felt even remotely like the way I do now about someone!

secret_squirrel

Lust4Life wrote:

I go to a pub and talk to EVERYBODY!

And you do this specifically to get a rise out of your BF do you?

Thats the problem the OP has with her behaviour, and unless they both like playing with that kind of flirtation (and obviously he doesn't) then she should cop on to herself (if she values the relationship), or he should dump her coz she'll never be able to behave how he wants her to.

Some men get a kick out of seeing their GF flirting with other men, which is cool as long as both parties are cool with it. The OP obviously isnt, and needs to sit down with his GF and re-evaluation their relationship.

Talliesin

hullaballoo wrote:

I'd agree with Talliesin as well, but sometimes it's not easy to flirt if you're shy, so here's what I'd suggest. Keep on bringing up her best friend (or an attractive friend of hers) in a nonchalant way, but often and persistently. That should make her jealous.

I wouldn't say that was agreeing with me. I'm talking about doing what she does to try to see if she thinks its something that is reasonable or a justifiable cause of jealous, not doing something very different that could make her jealous.

Black Swan

I'm a flirt, but I would never cheat on my SO. They know this. We are very playful in our relationship. Next time you're out with her, maybe you should flirt with some girls and see how she responds? If it becomes an issue for her, then share what you have shared with us?

Lust4Life

Secret Squirrel, I said I TALK to everybody. I don't FLIRT with everybody. But I suppose it is a matter of opinion. The GF may see nothing wrong with her behavior. She's only talking to people.
Maybe the OP is over reacting.
Maybe they need to reach a happy medium.

Esel

Move to a seat in a different area when she's not looking. Bring her drink as well (if she left it with you, if not . . . .). Or get a stool at the bar, near the television. If in a nightclub, take up a strategic position and enjoy looking at all the girls dancing. Act all surprised if she calls you on it. You don't have to play the game.

On the other hand, maybe you could just join her. Does she have to sit with you all the time?

Stabshauptmann

evening herald wrote:

I actually told her not too long ago that even though I was nuts about her I wanted to break up with her because it seemed like we both wanted different things from the relationship,which would'nt work and she drunkingly begged me not to - so we didnt.

There was a point there that if I felt secure I wouldnt mind her talking to other men, well this I dont mind at all but when she starts approaching random guys in the pub and leaves me sitting on my todd well its THEN that I start saying to myself right your taking the p*ss now this is a bit embarrassing...THIS makes me feel jealous and I dont know how anyone wouldnt be by it!

She knows where she stands with me cause Ive been very clear about communicating this kind of thing, Im never over the top about it but I've made sure she trusts me and knows I wont mess her around...cant say I feel the same way at all!

I've been through a lot in the past few years and Im just not someone that plays or wants to play games but do you think if I stopped phoning and texting her she'd want me more?...she never contacts me by the way or asks if I want to do anything its always the other way around and I do realise that this may be a little bit of a turn off but you've no idea how cracked about this girl I am...I think about her 24/7 and I cant help it,Its been so long since I felt like this . I completely forgot that you can actually feel this strongly about someone and the idea of just telling her to sling her hook just wont sit with me,I cant bear the thought of that and its been 8 years since I felt even remotely like the way I do now about someone!

This sounds identical to a situation I was in last year.

You love her, she likes you.

If you call or text her less she may call/txt you more, or the momentum of the relationship could dwindle. (for me last year, she started to txt/call me more)

I wasnt much of a flirt at the time and began talking about her friends as hulla suggested. Made her mad, though she thought she was hiding it well. It didnt stop her flirting (possibly because she never saw the connection), it just hurt her.

Though things ended between us for a few different reasons, a main one would be that I felt disrespected by her flirting one night that was totally OTT. I just left. She lost the plot the next day about my not trusting her, me being a jealous freak etc etc

Dont go tit for tat.
Be careful before you do something drastic like just leaving her alone in a pub.
Try to get some balance in the relationship, dont be the first to txt all the time, especially if you like her more than she does you.

Stabshauptmann

Talliesin wrote:

I wouldn't say that was agreeing with me. I'm talking about doing what she does to try to see if she thinks its something that is reasonable or a justifiable cause of jealous, not doing something very different that could make her jealous.

Nah cant agree with ya there.
Man1 is insecure, he feels that his gf could easily pick up any other man in the pub. He is jealous if she flirtys with them
Girl1 thinks that her bf cant pick up girls. She does not feel threatened by them. She does however feel inferior to her friends looks wise. Though they are out of her bf's league, she is not concerned that he'd go off with them, just that they are better looking/have more choice than her.

Its exactly the same thing. Its about being made to feel lower down the pecking order.
The woman is making the man feel inferior to randomers in a pub.
The man is making the woman feel inferior to her friends.

LegacyUser

thanks for the advice everyone esp that last one redeye,I think Im going to stop contacting her for a while to see what she does and Im glad you said that about not walking out on her because Ive thought about this before and almost done it on a couple of occasions only to swallow my pride and stick it out. This is so hard for me to do cause Ive never taken any crap in the past and have always been a "mans man" about things but my feelings towards the girl are so strong this time that I cant help letting things go in order for us to hopefully work it out...love is blind as they say.

By the way just about some of the talk about whether or not flirting is ok in front of your partner. This for me is fine, I flirt with women all the time....whats not ok is how over the top she goes with the flirting when we're out, I know shes doing it on purpose most of the time and theres been many times we're shes just looked short of getting stuck into these random guys right in front of me(I suppose you'll have to trust me on this)....

Can I just ask anyone how far you think I should go with ignoring her now? I mean all I want to do is have her start to think "**** im losing him" as opposed to her thinking " ah f**K him ill go out and be with someone else seen as hes ignoring me" ..... as I said I dont want to annoy her I just want to stop her taking me for granted which is what she seems to have been doing the past while.

Thanks everyone