Potential Long Distance Relationship Situation

LegacyUser

I'm currently in a situation with a guy which could potentially lead to a LDR. There would be a four/five hour distance. The feelings are mutual for both of us but he says the situation is difficult for him. Surely if he really wants to be with me like he says, distance wouldn't matter to him he would go for it anyway? I am quite confused at the moment. I've left it up to him to decide in his own time what he really wants. Just wondering if anyone has any advice or have been in similiar situations. Really really like this guy

Odaise Gaelach

I've no experience in these matters whatsoever, but I've lots of friends who have LDRs. I think that if you two manage to meet up fairly regularly, then you should be able to work through it.

HelterSkelter

I'm doing long distance to London, we meet up every third/fourth weekend, on the phone for at least an hour every night, lots more at weekends. Works very well for us, we communicate much more than a couple living in the same city. Good Luck.

Beetlebum

It could be that he has reservations because he's scared of getting hurt. Maybe he's worried that he'll miss you too much or that you'll meet someone else in his absence. If he's having doubts it might be because he really really likes you too not because he doesn't like you enough (hope that makes sense). I had a LDR with a guy before and I was crazy about him but I considered ending it loads of time because I found it too hard being away from him. Give him time and hopefully he'll decide to give it a go.

Best of luck!!

ClockWorkOrange

I can understand his position, in my experience LDRs end up becoming too much work and just an annoyance..

jellie

if youre gonna go through with it, just be warned: its so so so damn hard. you see each other for intense chunks of time, & then big gaps of trying to keep in contact with phone/txt/msn/whatever.

the more you get to know each other & like each other it gets harder. everytime you have to say goodbye it gets harder. & although i wouldnt want to end my relationship, i would say if you can avoid it do, because its so so so hard

unnameduser

it will be v difficult. are you ready?

me i wouldnt bother... too much and not enough play

Demetrius

Give it go and see what happens. What's a few hours distance if ye like each other? You both will still be able to communicate over the phone and internet.

Good luck!:)

LegacyUser

I have just reached two years on the long distance relationship chart. Its very tough at times but im still glad I did it.

For a guy I think its extra hard because sex is important and lack of sex is really really tough - especially when you have a girlfriend!

How long have ye being seeing each other? A long distance relationship is a big commitment.

Red Alert

Temporary LDR's are well worth it and can be very good for the couple involved.

Permanent LDR's need a lot of commitment - i don't know how much i'd fancy one.

Jules

I'm in an ould LDR and its fine, we see each other every two weeks or more, shortest length of time was 9 days longest will be 17 days, but we talk every morning and every evening, and when we hang up from the phone we spend most of the night chatting on msn... yeah its hard, miss him lots and hope he is missing me, but hey the time we spend together is worth the time apart!!

Maybe he is worried about not being around all the time, or maybe worried about you being committed, now im not questioning you, but i know that can be a concern, you meet someone else who is closer, its something i worry about from time to time. but tbh if its right then you will know it and he will too and the distance wont matter.

And Helterskelter is right about the communication, we talk all together about 8 to 10 hrs a day, so would definatly more than a couple living in same place.

LegacyUser

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh....

for a minute I thought we were talking about light dependant resistors and i was like what is going on????

haha

LegacyUser

i just got dumped due to the difficulties of long distance relationships. At the beginning, you both may accept the fact that you wont see each other as much as other couples, but eventually this will put a strain on one or both of you.

I would definitely give it a shot, as love is the most important thing in life, but be prepared for a broken (or frustrated) heart.

LegacyUser

My brother and his now wife had a LDR between Ireland and Mexico. They got together on holidays in the US and stayed in contact mainly by phone and email. It was quite hard espically with the time difference but if it is meant to last the distance won't make any difference. You've nothing to loose by giving it a go. They are now happliy married and have two beautiful kids.

stovelid

Maybe he wants to see how things work before committing to a move.

I had a LDR (with my now wife) Clare to Dublin and she moved up after 3 years to live with me.

I don't know the full background to this but if its a new relationship; relocating to be with someone is a big step and some people need more time than others. There is no way I would have moved (or wanted her to move) early in the relationship.

TinCool

My girlfriend lives and works in England and I'm in Dublin. We've been going out for two years now. We see each other as much as we can a couple of times a month and speak on the phone as much as we can. It can be hard but it does work (for us at least) if you're willing to put the work in.

TC.

bubblicious

me and my ex boyf had a long distance relationship Limerick to Dublin...i know it's not a massive difference, but it stills takes almost 4 hours on the bus, or 2.5 on the train, cos neither of us drive...but anyways, we only decided to start goin out after i had moved to dublin (i was on placement there for 8 months) and sure, it was really hard at the start, but we made it work...stupid thing is, we lasted those 8 months long distance, and broke up when I came back to limerick!!

but if ye want to be together, ye'll make it work...we saw each other pretty much every weekend, spoke every night on the phone...makes you appreciate every second you have together..

i'd say definitely go for it if both of ye are willing to commit to it...

Ruu_Old

I've been through a long distance relationship OP (me in Ireland and her in the US) and am happily married over 2 years from it now. It takes a lot of hard work on both sides or it simply won't work but it can work if you want it to. What ways do you keep in touch? Email, phone, write letters, anything else? Feel free to send me a PM if you wish. Good luck with it.

LegacyUser

'i\'m in a ldr for the past year i\'m working mainly in the US and she is at home, things at times are really tough like when she goes out and her friends bring their bf\'s but these are small hickups and all forgotten when you meet up. I would strongly recommend a webcam dont think it has been mentioned here but it makes all the difference when you can see each other every few days and it is really important to let each other know that you are thinking of each other, flowers at work, nice texts, etc. Also make sure you meet up as regular as possible, it works both ways it cant be one person doing all the work. we are trying to buy a house also at the moment in ireland so you can imagine how tough it is on my gf but i think the fact that she is willing to wait for me let me know that she was definately the one for me. Best of luck with everything'

Raphael

Well, I've been in a 5 hour time zone distance relationship for over 3 years at this stage, and while it does suck, it's worth it if you love the person. And absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Really, you should just try it. Maybe it'll be too hard, in which case you can break it off and at least you gave it a shot. But it could turn out to be the love of your life, in which case the distance is very much bearable. Trust me

ZiabR

I am in a long distance relationship also. Me in Ireland and my G/F is in Netherlands. As many have posted above it takes alot of effort but it is worth it imo. We are on the phone each day and more at weekends. When i can get the time off work or vica versa we fly over etc.

Just don't get scared off just because the person you are in love with or dating is in a different county or country.

biko

I've had a couple of long distance relationships but it never works out - for me.

Black Swan

unreggy100 wrote:

I'm currently in a situation with a guy which could potentially lead to a LDR. There would be a four/five hour distance. The feelings are mutual for both of us but he says the situation is difficult for him. Surely if he really wants to be with me like he says, distance wouldn't matter to him he would go for it anyway? I am quite confused at the moment. I've left it up to him to decide in his own time what he really wants. Just wondering if anyone has any advice or have been in similiar situations. Really really like this guy

I have been in a LDR for several months (and at a greater distance than you). If you truly love each other, you will stay together, if not, you will move on. It will not be easy sometimes, but then again, we have had some good times I would never want to have missed if given a choice to go back in time.

southernstomper

Demetrius wrote:

Give it go and see what happens. What's a few hours distance if ye like each other? You both will still be able to communicate over the phone and internet.

Good luck!:)

sometimes you need more than just an end of a phone. Can a phone give you a hug or a kiss when you really need it, can a phone be there for you if you needed someones advice, can a phone go to a show with you or have a meal with you? these are things you miss - if its short term then you will be fine if this is a long term decision then one of ye will have to give in and either he'll move home or you move to where he is. If this went to marriage what are you expected to do sit byself yourself everynight at the end of a phone waiting for him to call what happened if you got pregnant and the child gets sick and hes away all the time are you meant to do everything on your own sorry you have to be realistic in these situations
If not walk away before it gets too heavy and hard to do later