Gorilla

SystemError

A gorilla walks into a pub and orders a pint. The barman gives it to him and says,
"That'll be £5."
A little later, making conversation, the barman says, "We don't get many gorillas round in here."
The gorilla replies, "I'm not surprised at these prices

SystemError

A goat walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint.
'Sorry I can't serve you' the barman said.
'Why not' asks the goat.
'We don't serve kids' answers the barman.

SystemError

Two cartons of yoghurt walk into a bar. The barman, a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yoghurt cartons replies, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

SystemError

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man
with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?"
"No."
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog."

challengemaster

SystemError wrote:

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man
with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?"
"No."
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog."

a bit better than the first three..

Gordon

SystemError wrote:

Two cartons of yoghurt walk into a bar. The barman, a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yoghurt cartons replies, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."

Haven't heard that one before!

SystemError

A string walks into a pub and orders a drink.
"Sorry, we don't serve strings," says the barman. "What? That’s discrimination," says the string.
So the string walks into the bathroom and ties himself in a knot and messes up his end. He comes back out and approaches the bar and again attempts to order a drink.
"Aren't you that string I just refused to serve?" asks the barman.
"No. I'm a frayed knot."

SystemError

A golf club walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint. The barman refuses to serve him. 'Why not' asks the golf club. 'You'll be driving later' replies the barman

phantom_lord

meh...

SystemError

A drunk was sitting at a bar when a woman stood behind him and raised her arm really high to get the bartender's attention. The drunk saw that she had very hairy armpits.
The drunk yelled at the bartender, "Get the ballerina a drink!" She got her drink and went away. Later, she returned and raised her arm again. The drunk saw her and yelled to the bartender, "Get the ballerina another drink!" She got her drink and went away again.
The bartender asked the drunk how he knew she was a ballerina when she was a stranger and had never been in the bar before.
The drunk replied, "She's got to be a ballerina if she can lift her leg that high."

A Primal Nut

A Brain walks into a bar. The barman says "sorry we can't serve you!" "Why not"? asks the brain. Barman replies: "Coz your outta your head"!

Kojak

SystemError wrote:

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man
with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?"
"No."
A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly.
"That's not my dog."

Best of the lot, IMO.

Goodluck2me

SystemError wrote:

A string walks into a pub and orders a drink.
"Sorry, we don't serve strings," says the barman. "What? That’s discrimination," says the string.
So the string walks into the bathroom and ties himself in a knot and messes up his end. He comes back out and approaches the bar and again attempts to order a drink.
"Aren't you that string I just refused to serve?" asks the barman.
"No. I'm a frayed knot."

lol. thought this an gorilla one were the best

IceHawk

A wig and a set of jump leads walk into a bar.
The wig goes up to the barman and asks for two pints.
"afraid not" says the barman.
"Why not?" asks the wig.
"'Cos you're off your head and your man looks like he's about to start something"

xzanti

IceHawk wrote:

A wig and a set of jump leads walk into a bar.
The wig goes up to the barman and asks for two pints.
"afraid not" says the barman.
"Why not?" asks the wig.
"'Cos you're off your head and your man looks like he's about to start something"

LMFAO

Froot

die

On a lighter note well done...I have never wanted to stop people from telling jokes more in my entire life!

Pal

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and orders two pints. After a few more the giraffe keels over and hits the floor.

the guy walks out and the barman calls after him " Hey ! You can't leave that lying there !"

The guy turns around and says ....



"It's not a lion. It's a giraffe !"