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Relationship trouble, confused??

  • 08-11-2006 1:03pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Ok going unregged.
    I'm 21 yr old male and in the past I haven't had a lot of self confidence with the ladies. However this has improved a bit in the last year or so and I'm not so worried about it. I'm just saying this to show that I've never had a real relationship with a girl before - a few flings thats it.

    I met a girl during the summer and we got texting and stuff. It wasn't really till about 2 months ago that we started going out for real. She's a good looking girl (not great maybe but good) and she's got a nice personality. We got on okay and things started to move. So far so good.

    Now the problem: I can't see myself with her in ~6 months time. I can't see myself in a long term relationship with her. The more I get to know her the more things I see that aren't compatible. Little things like she belives in psychics but I hate all that stuff, I'm not in anyway superstitsus at all. I belive it's for mugs. Thats a small example but the keep piling up. Usually this wouldn't bother me if she was just a friend but at this stage she's more than that.

    When I started going out with her I was looking for a bit of fun but I had an open mind. I thought if I fall for her then I fall for her. The thing is I think she's falling for me.

    The question is should I stay with her for another while and see where this goes or do I say goodbye now before we get further involved?

    Part of me wants to leave as I feel we can't have a relationship fully up to my (possibly to high?) standards both intellectually and physically (mainly intellectually). Part of me wants to stay as I'm having a good time with her and in the back of my mind I'm thinking I won't do any better (possibly some self esteem issuses from a couple yrs ago not fully sorted).
    I'm leaning one way already myself but I want to hear want you guys think. I just wanted to write this down and put it out there as I'm really confused over this.


Comments

  • #2
    Talliesin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,314 ✭✭✭Talliesin


    Unreg5891 wrote:
    Part of me wants to stay as I'm having a good time with her
    A good enough reason if that's all you're looking for right now and all she's looking for too. Otherwise though, not good at all for either of you.
    Unreg5891 wrote:
    and in the back of my mind I'm thinking I won't do any better
    One of the worse possible reasons to be with someone.


  • #3
    Rebeller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 271 ✭✭Rebeller


    Unreg5891 wrote:
    She's a good looking girl (not great maybe but good) and she's got a nice personality

    For me that statement sums it up. Been there done that.

    That seems a very detached cold statement to make about someone you are going out with. It seems to suggest that you don't really have any intense feelings for the girl.

    I think if you are certain that you are not going to fall for this girl and are sure that ye have no longterm future then I would say the best thing to do would be to let her down gently (if she's really into you of course!).

    You're going to hurt her whether you break up now or several weeks down the road.

    However, by doing it now you only hurt her and don't break her heart.

    If you're unsure how much she digs you why not talk to her to confirm exactly what she's feeling? Maybe she's just there for the good time too?

    Good luck.


  • #4
    tbh
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    Unreg5891 wrote:
    .

    if you are confused about what to do, I suggest this little test.

    if the situations were reversed, and you were falling for her, but she wasn't arsed, what would you hope she would do?

    good test isn't it? it works for everything, too. invented by some Jewish bloke.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Rebeller wrote:
    You're going to hurt her whether you break up now or several weeks down the road.

    However, by doing it now you only hurt her and don't break her heart.

    Thas the way I was thinking to be honest


  • #6
    Black Swan
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,353 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    You seem very uncertain about your relationship and do not see a future for you both? Maybe it's time to move on?


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  • #7
    misswex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 745 ✭✭✭misswex


    You don't come across as having any loving feelings for this girl and are only with her because you think you can't get anyone better so you'll stick with this one till another comes long. If the shoe was on the other foot would you like that to happen to you, you say this girl is falling for you, well before she does I think you should tell her honestly that you don't feel the same. Stringing her along isn't fair.


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