Moving in together

LegacyUser

My partner is living in rented accommodation with a flatmate.

I got word last night that the flatmate was thinking of leaving the house.

My partner considers him a good friend (and he is).

So I was debating whether or not to tell my partner what I had heard - im sure he would have told me eventually.

I thought maybe he knew but didn’t want to say anything to me.

So last night I told him. Needless to say he was a bit upset.

I reinforced the point that it was only something I had heard and might not be happening at all – but I wanted to let him know.

He panicked a little and was saying “jees where am I going to go?” He doesn’t know many people from the area and its very hard to rent out rooms there.

What I didn’t tell him is is that his flatmate has a friend who is apparently looking for someone to rent a room in his own house.

I didn’t say anything, partly because everything is so up in the air and partly because maybe I am being a bit selfish (see next paragraph).

We are going out 9 months and I love him dearly – weve had ups and downs, like everyone. I was thinking that maybe I would like to move in with him. He hasn’t said anything at all. I guess I was kind of telling him the above to see what his reaction would be like. I am scared to mention it to him. I was trying to drop hints but nothing.

Fair enough if he doesn’t want to move in together. But weve never talked about it and I don’t know how to approach the subject.

uberpixie

Stop playing games.

You heard that his mate "might" be leaving, you don't know for sure.

You have only managed to get your BF stressed out over what might turn out to be nothing.

Stop "hinting".

Go talk to him about what you and he want.

Black Swan

I guess it really depends on your relationship... Mine is real playful, so this would work for me (but perhaps not you)...

Why not just bring it up in fun and see what he says? If he plays along with the idea, then you can playfully move towards asking him for real? If he backs away, then you were just playing?

Ruu_Old

Just talk to him about it but make sure it is what you want. Moving in is a big step, make sure you won't get sick of each other. I would give it some more thought.

kizzyr

I'd really think long and hard about this. Moving in together isn't like playing house its the real thing and IMHO I think as you've been together 9 months its too soon.
In the first year to 18 months of my relationship with my boyfriend we were so loved up and everything was great and wonderful etc etc etc and so the thoughts of moving in were "yeah I can do this its going to be fab". Anyway we didn't at the time and boy am I glad. We are living together now and have been for 2.5 years but between the first year and now real life intruded and we had many fights and many good times etc but wouldn't have been able to deal with living together at that stage. By the time we did move in together we'd worked through all of that and realised that we would be able to deal with anything (except cheating that will never ever be ok) and its great and wonderful.

Bazzy

He might be leaving he might be staying


If he stays your not moving in ...

If he moves say it to him straight no beating around the bush.

LegacyUser

Oh I have thought about it. I have lived with a previous partner so know whats involved.

Am not playing games. I was debating whether to tell him or not. I didnt want to stress him out - far from it - but what if it was said to him at the last minute, that he was moving out. I dont know what his flat mate's motive is.

And there I would be then, annoyed with myself that I hadnt said anything sooner. Yes I kind of wish I hadnt said anything now but I have.

Maybe I will leave it. If he wants something like moving in, he might say it. Was just trying to "suggest" it in a subtle way.

craichoe

If you cant be honest with each other then you shouldn't be even contemplating living with him.

goods

bad idea

jellie

craichoe wrote:

If you cant be honest with each other then you shouldn't be even contemplating living with him.

Agreed. If you're in a relationship that you consider stable enough to move in together you really should not have to "hint" at it.

If you really want it & think youre both ready for it, say it to him properly. Dont hint, dont expect him to know what you want - he's a man, they dont GET hints :rolleyes: & in this case he really shouldnt have to.

secret_squirrel

As everyone else has said if you can't even bring yourself to discuss the situation with him then you arent ready to move in yourself, never mind what his opinion on it is.

LegacyUser

'Hello,\r\n\r\nThanks for the replies.\r\n\r\nI met him last night and he told me that his flatmate had just announced he was moving out. He was pretty down about it. We talked about things for a bit.\r\n\r\nI did ask him in our conversation if he could ever imagine us living together. he said yes - we made a few jokes and then left it at that. Am not going to push it. If it happens, it happens.\r\n\r\nWould you go up and say to someone you were going out with \"Hey, I think we should move in together\" with out putting out feelers first? I dont think so.'

Ickle Magoo

If moving in together was a good idea, then I think you & your bf would be able to maturely discuss sharing a home, it wouldn't be any big shakes & you wouldn't have to post here about it.

I don't see why you should have to hint or be subtle, just ask. If he says no he is only saying he is not ready, after nine months, to live with you. It isn't a reflection on how he feels about you or your relationship. Some people are ready to move in together immediately, other people take many years to feel comfortable co-habiting, some people don't ever want to share their home with their partner on a full-time basis.

upthere

MovingIn wrote:

My partner is living in rented accommodation with a flatmate.

I got word last night that the flatmate was thinking of leaving the house.

My partner considers him a good friend (and he is).

So I was debating whether or not to tell my partner what I had heard - im sure he would have told me eventually.

I thought maybe he knew but didn’t want to say anything to me.

So last night I told him. Needless to say he was a bit upset.

I reinforced the point that it was only something I had heard and might not be happening at all – but I wanted to let him know.

He panicked a little and was saying “jees where am I going to go?” He doesn’t know many people from the area and its very hard to rent out rooms there.

What I didn’t tell him is is that his flatmate has a friend who is apparently looking for someone to rent a room in his own house.

I didn’t say anything, partly because everything is so up in the air and partly because maybe I am being a bit selfish (see next paragraph).

We are going out 9 months and I love him dearly – weve had ups and downs, like everyone. I was thinking that maybe I would like to move in with him. He hasn’t said anything at all. I guess I was kind of telling him the above to see what his reaction would be like. I am scared to mention it to him. I was trying to drop hints but nothing.

Fair enough if he doesn’t want to move in together. But weve never talked about it and I don’t know how to approach the subject.

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