Thinking of coming out

LegacyUser

Hey,
OK i'm 20 and thinking of coming out to family. I don't know if I should my experience with fellas hasn't been much but thats mainly because i'm feared someone will find out about me. I have told 1 person online who is great friends with my sister, now i'm worried something might be said to her by him as he is out. I am at college at the minute aswell while living at home. Would it be wise for me to come out or will I be better to I have security i.e. a full time job? I just don' know how they'll take it, i'm not looking to tell everyone, just close family and some friends maybe. My parents are quite friendly with a gay couple, though I don't think they've ever actually told them their a couple if that makes sense. Dad appears to be touchy on the subject, my sister said to him she had her suspicions that this couple they are friendly with is gay, he told her no he definitely isn't i asked someone 1st to make sure!! He also gave out to mam for bringing up the subject of gay people while in company of their friends. Then he was giving off about my sisters gay mate after he met him. So i dont know if all this means he could react badly. Mum has asked me a few times if I am gay but I'm not sure if she was being serious, and I have just said no cause I was so embarrased, it just came out when I was least expecting it. Thats all she said but had she said that they'd still love me if I was I would have came out to them.

Annasopra

Hi

First of all - you say you are in college - do they have an LGBT society?

Here's a list of ones with websites

http://www.usilgbt.org/index.php?categoryid=25

LGBT socs are good from the point of view of freindship, personal development, personal support, improving your social life, gtetting to know other young gay people in the same college. I would strongly stongly recommend that you join if there is one.

You could contact the Union of Students in Ireland LGBT Rights Officer to find out if there is one - his email is lgbt@usi.ie


If there isn't - what about a youth group? such as belong to -

I'm suggesting youth groups or LGBT socs because they can be good support

If you don't think these are necessary there are other angles

This booklet is extremely useful

http://www.fflag.org.uk/documents/HowDoITell.pdf

you can ring the gay switchboard

http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/mainpage.htm

They have a booklet for parents that they send out out in a plain brown envelope if you request it

http://www.gayswitchboard.ie/parents.htm

limkguy

hiya.

it's an issue all us gay guys and gals have to face at sometime. my advise is not to be in any hurry to come out to anyone including your family. you've enough to be doing with college etc. it'll be a bit of a shock to your folks but they're your parents and nothing will change the way they feel about you.

best of luck to you!

Transcendant

Tell your sister and your mother and allow them to show their love and support. Afterall if your Mother and Sister support you their is nothing much your Father can do, not that i think he would do antyhting.

It is important to remember that men are sensitive about this issue and i would imagiune he probably has an idea about your sexuality and as such is trying to over compansate for this by avoiding the issue for your sake.

Place your faith in God and yourself, you will be fine.

Boston

Jesus that very harse towards the father there Transcendant, can he not show his son the same love and affection as his wife and daughter?

confusedfella, attitudes get re-adjusted when new realities present themselves. You can't really judge how they will react to their son or bother being gay, based on how they react to strangers being gay.

keynesian

LiouVille wrote:

You can't really judge how they will react to their son or bother being gay, based on how they react to strangers being gay.

Have to agree. It's allways differant when it's ur own blood. There's as much chance he/she would be fine with stranger being gay but beet the SH** out of u caz they "don't want u to have that life". I've sat in on business meeting where dad couldn't join in on homophobic remarks caz I was there. I knowing full well that if I wasn't there he would have been laughing to. But they weren't poking fun at him caz he gay (can't say why on forum).

Maybe he thinks your gay, well your mum did ask, and he want to protect you from it. Some times parants think like that, if we don't talk about it our son wont realize. Why they think it's bad? Well ur going to have to ask, well, maybe ask ur mum.

Limkguy: whats the rush, there going to cop in the end when ur not date girls, relax, some time ppl want to live in wonder land why being them out of it.

aaronquigley

confusedfella wrote:

Hey,
OK i'm 20 and thinking of coming out to family. I don't know if I should my experience with fellas hasn't been much but thats mainly because i'm feared someone will find out about me. I have told 1 person online who is great friends with my sister, now i'm worried something might be said to her by him as he is out. I am at college at the minute aswell while living at home. Would it be wise for me to come out or will I be better to I have security i.e. a full time job? I just don' know how they'll take it, i'm not looking to tell everyone, just close family and some friends maybe. My parents are quite friendly with a gay couple, though I don't think they've ever actually told them their a couple if that makes sense. Dad appears to be touchy on the subject, my sister said to him she had her suspicions that this couple they are friendly with is gay, he told her no he definitely isn't i asked someone 1st to make sure!! He also gave out to mam for bringing up the subject of gay people while in company of their friends. Then he was giving off about my sisters gay mate after he met him. So i dont know if all this means he could react badly. Mum has asked me a few times if I am gay but I'm not sure if she was being serious, and I have just said no cause I was so embarrased, it just came out when I was least expecting it. Thats all she said but had she said that they'd still love me if I was I would have came out to them.

Hi,
I would join the LGBT in your University and talk to some people your age who have tackled this. Just saying the words to other people will make it easier to say again.. "Actually I'm gay:".. very simple (now for me.. not so 15 years ago). Once you have spent a few meetings talking to people and then maybe talking to a new person who comes to the meeting and saying "I'm gay" you might be in a better position to open up to your parents. The fact you mam has asked means she probably knows already so it won't blow her away when you tell her. However, I know some people tell one parent then another.. I wouldn't advise either way as some people know their parents react well to this approach but other might react badly.

Small steps... day at a time.. get used to saying you are gay and being happy about it then it becomes natural and just who you are.. (it's not a big deal really)

Good luck,
Aaron

FranknFurter

Just one quick thing that always worries me about threads like this.
A LOT of people go (understandably) with the "dont worry they will support you" line, and while that may be true for the majority of us it is not *always* the case.

Imho, you say you are 20yo, personally I think you should make sure you have a back-up plan "just in case" they take time to accecpt this news.

-Have some cash to live off in case you need time to get work.

-Have a place where you can crash if needed (even a friends sofa, but find it *first*)

-Have support ready on the off chance you need it (be it a close friend or a college LGBT or similiar).

-Pick a day when you dont have much on that week, and when your parents are'nt very stressed about other things. The few days after you "come out" may require some free time available for both you and them.

-Try to be calm and remember, no matter what way it goes, you will always have those options if needed.

If they dont understand immediately, they will probably eventually. Take your time and allow them to take theirs.

Good luck

B

keynesian

FranknFurter wrote:

I think you should make sure you have a back-up plan "just in case" they take time to accecpt this news.
B

I couldn't agree more. The thret or reality of being "kicked out" is negated by having your our resoures. There's no rush!