Going back to do the leaving

doctor evil

Hello all, good luck in what you wish to achieve. Just in about an hour from a night out with mates so its only tonight/early morning that I have the courage to write this.

Basically, my education appears to be chequerd. I`m 20 due to be 21 in March. I chopped and changed school in third year and then changed and repeated fifth year in the institure. Half way through repeating sixth year (because I ****ed it up the first time round, just cracked, perfectionist and all), at about January I left as I was diagnosed with depression. Turns out I was in another depressive episode, not thaving truly recoverd from the first one. So I went through years of hell wishing I was dead and just staying in bed. In my life I have made two suicide attempts. It seems strange writint that as I am still pished from the night out with mates (had a good time), I have never told anyone that bar one person about the 2nd suicide attempt.

I`m better now, I`m on Lexaprop and I am seeing a professional in cognitive therapy. Those that don`t like anti-depressants can **** off, sometimes a pateinet suffering from an illness needs that extra step up.

Basically, I am ****ing scared about the future. In sessions with my doctor I found out that I was a perfectionist which I was surprised to hear but found it made sense. I was the type that if it didn`t go right I would crack up and use bed as an escape mechanism from real life.

Right now I am wroking part time and have a share in lovely horse so I can ride monday to friday.

I`m torn between what I want to do and achieve. Rememberm, I am still plagued by perfectionist tendencies. I feel like such a failure, months ago off Amazon I bought a book about dealing with perfectionism as recommended by my doctor. I have get to read it which I think proves how far beyond real life I really am.

I wonder how still appear in the morning when I am properly sober?.

I`m scared about the future,m it fills me with dread. I`d like to get the money together and go to Australia for a year and work and then onto New Zealand. To do this I would have to get a better job and of course teell my parents who know doubt will object. I am the youngest and "less achievbed" in my family. Everyone else is braingy and motivated. All have verg abilities and achievements to show this. It just fills me with resentment and dread. I know \I shouldn`t compare myself to others as its just poisonous but its just so hard.

The main topis of this thread is my education. Due to my illness ( which I shall never deny was an illness) I have not achieved a proper LC). I`m stuck in the motions of using words such as "should" and "would" which puts undue pressure on myself.

To date I have passed ordinary maths at a B1 (never needed higher as a requirement) and English honours at a D1 (****ed up a much loved sublest big time as I did no study and did my worst question first). Because I am dyslexic (went to light therapy and attended Olive Plunketts) I am exempt from languages which somewhat buggers me from working abroad amd from my own National identity. Chemistry, Geography, Economics all at higher I did not do as I stayed in bed scared. Biology at honours I got a B1, classics a d3, which is quite poor as again of a much loved subject.

This is all back ground info.

The main thing I want to get is where/should/could I repeat the LC?. WHich is the best place in Dublin for range of subjects and techers. I went to the place I mentioned earlier on but I don`t think I could bear going back again. I `m afraid that it may be too much.

In which case which is my best option?. I want to travel and experience life but I also desperatley want to do something in science leading on through biology into genetic. I`m frightened that I just can`t take the pressure of exams, which is not a reflectinon of my ability. Just writing this now brgins a lump to my throat.

Mods,

Feel free to move this to PI if you think it will get a more suited response there.

Bewildered and scared in Dublin.

doctor evil

You cannot believer how better I feel havingwritten that!.

geminilady

Hey well done B1 in bio thats great well done. and good on ya for acknowledging your illness. Im in 6th year maybe u could check the rate ur teachers site to get honest opionions my own personal opinion would be the institute but i donno cause i never been
Anyway good luck with the rest of ur life
Dont worry about the future
Life is too short to be worrying take each day as it comes!

ZorbaTehZ

A very moving post mate, and I wish you luck with whatever you choose to do. I realise how difficult it must have been to make the thread and salute you for it.
Remember though, that the LC is not the Be-All and End-All of your life - just try your best. Nowadays everyone seems to think it is, from all the pressure excerted on you by teachers/parents etc.
Goodluck with the exams though.

nedward

Just make sure that ya wanna go back. You could get int college as a mature student (23+), and it's a hell of a lot easier than the Leaving.

As for where to go...you say you are a perfectionist, if so, maybe a grind school like the Institute wouldn't suit you, as the pressure to study ect ect is unrelenting from day one, but then again, it's more of a relaxed atmos. than the local CBS or whatever else.

Anyway, I'm not from Dublin, so I'm not qualified to give names. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Luluk

Hi, sorry to hear you've had such a hard time with your education. I'm repeating the leaving certificate this year, so I know how daunting it can seem, especially having gone to the Institute myself, where there is so much competition for high points. I've decided to teach myself from home, and really, it's not a bad way to do things if you're motivated. When you teach yourself you have to take responsibility for things that are taken for granted at places like the Institute, like reading up on the syllabus for each subject, analysing past papers to find the topics that come up most often, studying marking schemes from previous years etc. It has helped me to become a lot more informed about the best techniques for answering questions and I think I stand a very good chance of getting my points. Best of all, I don't have the expense or the inconvenience of having to travel or pay fees. So you might want to consider it.

doctor evil

nedward wrote:

Just make sure that ya wanna go back. You could get int college as a mature student (23+),

I`d like to go in as a mature student but the problem is that I don`t think I have actually passed the LC.

Let me explain, when I repeated fifth I did pass maths in that year to get it out of the way. So when I did sixth year I only sat in the exam three subjects (English, Biology, Classical Studies). To the extent of my knowledge I don`t think I have passed the Leaving Certificate as I think you need to pass at least four. Correct me if I`m wrong.

I suppose I should go back, I want to learn and I have a keen interest in biology. When I get a chance to I enjoy reading National Geographic, New Scientist and the like.

Thank you all for replying. I still find it a bit difficult re-reading the post, definatley would not have put it if I was sober!. It would have been constantly on the long finger.

seamus

Moved to PI at the request of the OP

Trinity

Hey

Know where you are coming from with the chequered education!!

Not post hijacking but in my job i went for an aptitude test for promotion - i passed with flying colours - was ranked in the top 10% out of 10,000 applicants (sorry but i am proud of myself!! ) and was disqualified before i got to interview stage because i didnt do my leaving cert. I didnt do it cos i didnt want to fail. Looking back i most likely wouldnt have but i was too scared to take that chance so i left just before the exams. 31 now and feel its just a bit too late (i know others would say its never too late but jesus starting all over again now!)

Its ridiculous in this day and age but for some reason this peice of paper is important.

Anyway i think its important you get it. If you have passed 3 subjects, you wont have to sit them all again. You can pick 2 or 3 AFAIK.

Also if you are diagnosed with dyslexia then you can apply for RACE - Reasonable Accomodation in a Certified Exam. It can be a spelling or grammer waiver or whatever else you require.

Try no to put too much pressure on yourself but choose a couple of subjects you are at ease with and you feel confident you will pass. If you call your local college - maybe evening courses may suit you better than full time college. Alternatively you can study at home although a support group may be better. VIsit your old secondary school and the guidance counsellor or principal may be able to advise you. If you decide to study at home you will need to book your place in the exam through a school anyway.

you are obviously quite a strong person. We all worry about the future but you are facing your fears head on and doing something about it so dont be too hard on yourself. You are not hiding under the bed covers this time so give yourself credit!

hamsterboy

Hey Doc. That can't have been easy for you to write, though it's good that you feel better having done so. I know what a burden depression can be, someone very close to me has had it for quite a while and it's difficult to even see the change in a person. I never sat the leaving cert either and fecked around for a few years till I copped meself on and decided to go get me some education. The college I decided on had a coures called a Foundation Course and it was a one year, part time course especially designed for people like you (and me) who don't have a LC. After a year on completion of your exams, you'll be given access to any course in the college as a mature student.
This is how i happened fpr me and I now hold down a pretty cool IT job.
Thing is, if you have that nagging voice in your head telling you to go to Oz or NZ, then that's probably what you need to do first.

Hope this helps

doctor evil

I tried applying for RACE but didn`t get it as they only give it if its quite severe. Spelling I don`t really have difficulty with, its mainly for if your visually impaired etc. A few years ago they added an extra 20 minutes to the exams. I can understand it being very strict, imagine the amount of chancers they must have applying!.

My parents may be happier if I went back to education in one form or another before traveling. I think that would be better as I would have more prospects to come back to. Definatley want to travel.

If you do a foundation course can you go onto any course in any college as a mature student?.

hamsterboy

When I did it, which was 5years ago, they would accept you into any course in the college. This was G.M.I.T. in Galway. I know the girl that ran and still runs the course if you need more information. I know the course in G.M.I.T. was the first of its kind but there were several more in the pipeline for other colleges.

doctor evil

bump.

Catari Jaguar

You could put it off, get a job you like, save up, hang out enjoying yourself. Maybe realise that life doesn't have to be on this track where you HAVE to do great in your Leaving Cert-> university-> impressive proffession -> mortgage -> 2.4 kids. You could travel first, find yourself, grow and develop and realise you ARE living life well. Can always come back and do exams when you feel like you can handle the pressure.

And don't be jealous of your family or compare yourself. Won't help anyone.

ugliest

meep, just read this post+i know im late replyin n all, but maybe i have somethin that could help you behind me.

-i also messed up the leavin, dropped out a month before it, i was sick too, on the ol' lexapro for 6months to no avail. Have spent the past two and a half years on various different pills, but thats neither here nor there, basically, can empathise.

-i went back+did my leaving, did VERRRY badly....not a good time, details unimportant.

-but i lucked out+somehow passed+got a course, (with the few points i actually got) and went off to college+pretended it was all behind me.

just because i had pills though, it didnt really change the fact i was sick. tried counselling+different meds+such but ended up failin summer exams (got exempt from the christmas ones because i was sick+sent to hopsickle)
but when repeats came round i got scared and had another breakdown and realised i couldnt do it.

what i did then was sign myself up for a plc course. (i walked in the day i decided not to go back to college and i started the next day)
-its only a year so it isnt as daunting and im gonna come out of it with a fetac qualification.
also a lot of the work is continuous assessment, so you do the work as you go along and its less pressure at the end of the year.
the classes are small (in my college anyway) and theres people of every age group.

-and since its on the fetac system, you can still apply+progress to an I.T./university.

i'm half way through the year and it's going ok, and since the classes are small, if there's an issue, it IS easier to talk to a tutor about it.

guess what im saying is, take it slow, you've had a hard time and if you need to take things slow, do it, because it sounds to me like you can do it.
-you can do fas/plc courses till you can apply as a mature student, in that time you'll have gained qualifications+proved to yourself you can do it, at this point you just want to work on your confidence.
take it easy, if this is what you want you to do then, then it will happen.

meep, if you need any info or want to chat or anything pm me, good luck.
(also i hear cog therapy is really effective, so hope it works for ya)

kindle

Ugliest is spot on with his advice, there are loads of education options available with/without the LC, the people who run courses are always interested in new students so have a chat with them and see which one sounds best for you!
Grats on your achievements so far considering the circumstances you have already done remarkably well!

fits

Well, I'm in the same boat as you were... going nowhere.. would you ever have guessed? I also retreat to the bed, and sometimes think the animals have saved me from complete collapse...

I too think you've done really well. I dont know if you should go back to do the leaving since it has caused so much stress previously. Perhaps doing the foundation course for college would be a good idea.

Good luck Doctor Evil! PM me if you have any questions, having spent a long time in University at this stage, I have some wisdom about what people should do. I also want to hear about the share horse!

doctor evil

Thank you all. On the job front I`m going to leave my part time one in January, I`ve been there about eight months am getting a bit sick of it. I`m going to visit a temp agency and see what my options are. I want to get money together to go traveling.

How many subjects do you need to have cleared to have passed the LC?.

Nevyn

4 subjects at pass level getting a D in all of them or more.

spurious

They don't really talk in terms of passing or failing the Leaving anymore, but I know what you mean - the standard most places would talk about is 5 passes.

Reading this thread, it sounds to me like you could do worse than go in and talk to people in the CDVEC adult ed. schools - one is in what used to be Rosary College in Edenmore, one in Pearse College, Sundrive Road. There are others. They have classes exactly for people in your situation, at all levels and they also have an excellent in-house educational psychologist service to help out with 'reasonable accommodation' applications and any personal issues.

Even if you still intend to go travelling, go in and have a chat with one of the co-ordinators - it really is not 'like school' and as others have said, some of the non-LC courses they run are useful for college entry.
http://www.pearsecollege.ie/cms/
http://www.colaistedhulaigh.ie/vtos_leaving_cert.htm

LegacyUser

I was just about to write a big response to this thread, it's uncanny how similar my situation was to the OP's a few years ago, but I'm tired and need sleep and I know I wouldn't articulate what I'd like to. Basically, find somewhere that doesn't hold any old bad memories for you, associate yourself with a few really motivated people (mature students also) and try to keep focussed. I'll write a proper response to this tomorrow, best of luck with it, chin up! I've been seriously depressed before, and although it feels like it will never leave you at the time, it does. And I fully agree that if you need them anti-depressants can be a life saver. When I look back now on when I was depressed it's like I'm looking back on a different person. Chin up anyway dude, you sound like a smart guy and you'll find the L.C. a doddle if you just manage to keep focussed.

ZenforHead

Try Rathmines College, It's non fee-paying and it's a fantastic place. The teachers are incredible. I went from an E in maths first time around to an A1.

doctor evil

I checked the webiste on it, it looks promising pity I missed the open day. May drop them a line after the new year.