The Best Football Quotes

MrJoeSoap

Anyone got a favourite? Thread was inspired by Paul Osams wise words on Friday night, and practically everything the guy says is genius.

- "It’s been a half of two quarters."

- "That's milk that is, past your eyes (pasteurised) in a second"

- "They've two big games coming up, and if they can pick up 5 or 6 points..."

Then of course there's Keegan...

- "When you do that with footballers like he said about Leeds... I've kept really quiet, but I'll tell you something: he went down in my estimation when he said that - we have not resorted to that. But I'll tell ya - you can tell him now if you're watching it - we're still fighting for this title, and he's got to go to Middlesbrough and get something, and... and I tell you honestly, I'd love it if we beat them - love it.

The legendary Brian Clough on Man Utd's decision to opt out of the FA Cup in favour of the World Club Championship...

- "Manchester United in Brazil? I hope they all get bloody diarrhoea"

and on being remembered...

- "I want no epitaphs of profound history and all that type of thing. I contributed. I would hope they would say that, and I would hope somebody liked me."

Ian Holloway on QPR's finances (the guy is a genius)...

- "It's like the film Men in Black. I walk around in a black suit, white shirt and black tie where I've had to flash my white light every now and again to erase some memories, but I feel we've got hold of the galaxy now. It's in our hands."

And no list of quotes would be complete without a quick word from Wee Gordon Strachan...

- "Velocity"

Mad Dog

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
- Alan Shearer

"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd."
- Johnny Giles

"Nicholas Anelka left Arsenal for 23 million and they built a training ground on him."
Kevin Keegan didn't sign Anelka, he excavated him.

"His tackle was definitely pre-ordained."
Glenn Hoddle sees a too-footed lunge written in scripture.

"When he makes a decision, there's no arms thrown in the air and no gestating."
Kindly Niall Quinn spare a thought for an infertile referee.

"Bryan Robson wears his shirt on his sleeve."
Brian Moore spots a potential problems at throw-ins.

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
Stuart Pearce has the pefect incentive for a bunch of donkeys.

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it. You can see it all over their faces."
Ron Atkinson has always chosen his words carefully.

"He signals to the bench with his groin."
Mark Bright spots a stricken Villa player. Dion?

"Well his foot was high and that's why he got his penalism."
Quintessential Frank Stapleton.

"Venegoor turns and just lampoons it into the net."
Tommy Smyth reveals satire is PSV's most potent attacking weapon.

Reganio 2

"The fans here are the greatest in the land. They know the game and they know what they want to see. The people on the Kop make you feel great yet humble"

"There are 2 great teams in Liverpool: Liverpool and Liverpool reserves."

"The kop's exclusive, an institution, and if you're a member of the kop you feel you're a member of society, you've got thousands of friends around you and they're united and loyal."

"I'm a people's man - only the people matter."

"There's Man United and Man City at the bottom of division 1. And by God they'll take some shifting."
Looking at the league table early in the 1972/3 season.
All by the Master Bill Shankly

And another Liverpool Legend Ian Rush.
"I did'nt like playing in Italy it was like playing in a foreign country."
Or Something along those lines.

Mad Dog

And now for some Ronglish from Big Ron himself

"They've done the old-fashioned things well; they've kicked the ball, they've headed it..."

"I've had this sneaking feeling throughout the game that it's there to be won."

"Woodcock would have scored, but his shot was too perfect."

"They must go for it now as they have nothing to lose but the match."

"Now Manchester United are 2-1 down on aggregate, they are in a better position than when they started the game at 1-1."

"Beckenbauer has really gambled all his eggs."

"Tony Adams - he's the rock that the team has grown from."

"He sliced the ball when he had it on a plate."

"Someone in the England team will have to grab the ball by the horns."

"They've picked their heads up off the ground and they now have a
lot to carry on their shoulders."

"He's treading on dangerous water there..."

"Chelsea look like they've got a couple more gears left in the locker."

"There's a little triangle - five left-footed players."

"I would also think that the replay showed it to be worse than it actually was."

"He's not only a good player, but he's spiteful in the nicest sense of the word."

"The keeper was unsighted - he still didn't see it."

"You half fancied that to go in as it was rising and dipping at the same time."

"That was Pele's strength - holding people off with his arm."

"I wouldn't say Ginola is the best left winger in the Premiership,
but there are none better."

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw."

"City will want to win this one.Moreno thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard."

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces"

"Zidane is not very happy, because he's suffering from the wind."

"Stoichkov's playing on the wing, in this situation he likes to come in and scalp the centre-halfI never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."

"A ten-foot keeper really should have stopped that."

"They've come out at half time and gone bang."

"The lad throws it further than I go on holiday"

"..and Schmeichel extends and grows even bigger than he is."

"I think that was a moment of cool panic there."

The man's a legend ! ! ! !

Mad Dog

And now for some HAMILTONISMS

"Just not far enough under the crossbar."
You're right George, Ian Harte's free kick in fact hit the crossbar - giving it an underness factor of oh let's see... not under at all.

"He wasn't aware of the pace Gary Kelly would bring to that procedure."
So complacent were the Irish against Andorra, some of them began to practice medicine mid-game.

"He caught that with the outside of his instep."
George proves himself as great a master of human anatomy as he is of Continental languages.

"And Hyypia rises like a giraffe to head the ball clear."
George alludes to the giant African mammal renowned for its mighty leaps.

"What that situation really needed was a little eyebrows."
Multilingual George adds Ronglish to his wide repertoire of languages during the Liverpool- Porto game last week.

"The orange tide is lapping against the green door which refuses to open."
George is all at sea with this maritime metaphor.

"Like a tiger stung by a hunter's dart."
Having minutes earlier lauded Bonner's long spell without conceding a goal, George is stung by his own complacency. Does anyone know if George meant Ireland were the tiger or the hunter?

"What a goal. What a goal! Straight through the legs of Adams, it flew towards the roof of the net like a Wurlitzer! I mean, like a ... howitzer"
A Wurlitzer is a type of jukebox.

"The eiderdown of this 2-0 lead is a lot more comfortable than the blanket of 1-0."
Ireland's progress gives George a warm feeling.

"The midfield are like a chef...........trying to prise open a stubborn oyster to get at the fleshy meat inside."
Reckon Keano would have got the hammer out.

"And there's no telling what the score will be if this one goes in!"
George prepares for a Swedish free kick in the last World Cup. The score at the time, by the way, 0-0.

"Italy are preparing to make a substitution - and it is, the unmistakable figure............of Roberto Baggio"
George announces the arrival on the pitch of..... Gianluca Vialli. Unfortunately, the two subs had got their shirts mixed up.

"And Ireland have got to contain the brothers Baggio."
George surely was the only one not to know.

"The Baggio brothers, of course, are not related."
But at least he cleared it up. Or did he?

"And Winter shoots, on target but just wide."
George suffers from a dose of the Fred Cogleys

"The seeds of doubt that were sown at the weekend against Egypt have been doused by a dose of Jack Charlton's almighty weedkiller."
George goes green in Italia 90

"He's pulling him off. The Spanish manager is pulling his Captain off!"
Our George thinks THE George as Butragueno is replaced.

"Sergen Yalcin is called simply Sergen because Turks like to be known by their Christian names."
George overlooks the fact that 90% of Turks are Muslims.

"Referee Norlinger is outstanding in the sense that he stands out."
Oh right.

"And the Germans are up the Swanee!!"
George gets excited by Ireland's second goal against Germany in a pre-World Cup friendly, 1994.

"Redondo is blocking Roy Keane's passage."
Could it all be getting a bit too Freudian?

"Bless my soul, he’s missed it!"
George is disappointed in Simone Inzaghi's penalty taking skills.

"Oh noooooooo! Disaster!"."
George reacts calmly to Luis Garcia's second goal against us in USA 94.

"You sir, are an idiot!"
George politely rebukes Lilian Laslandes after a red card offence.

"If that’s not offside, I’m a Chinaman!"
George reveals his oriental background after a perfectly correct refereeing decision.

"When I said they'd scored two goals, of course I meant they'd scored one."
Of course, George

kinaldo

I remember when Claudio Ranieri was booted out of Chelsea there was a whole 2 page section in one of the papers dedicated to his quotes. I lol'd for a good 10 minutes. The guy should release his own book of quotes.

Before you kill me, you call me the "dead man walking". I must buy you an espresso. But only a little one - I am Scottish!
The former Chelsea boss tries to allay fears about his imminent departure from Stamford Bridge.

Hello my sharks, welcome to the funeral
To the press before Chelsea's Champions League semi-final second leg with Monaco.

People have said I am a dead man walking but I am not - I am still moving. It is difficult to kill me
And again

You're being sacked in the summer Charlton fans to Ranieri.
No, I will be sacked in May! Ranieri (shouting back to them).

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/funny_old_game/4104373.stm

more quotes...

"I prefer when everything is wrong to take responsibility. I don't want to put pressure on the new squad. The new squad is like a child. If a child makes a mistake and you put them under pressure, a child cannot grow up with confidence."

"I prefer it when everyone is against me, not my players. I'm an old man. I've seen a lot. I have been a manager since 1987. I can take it."

"It is important to see how players respond to bad times. It's like a family. When everything is right, everyone enjoys it. When it goes wrong, right families respond in the right way. I wanted to check this and I am happy. I am very proud of my players because they can give the maximum."

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1316754/bio

I might have a look for some more later, he's literally got hundreds. What a legend!

bohsman

Osam the Legend

"I wouldnt pay too much attention to the table, it changes every week"

KdjaCL

Best footballer ever to play in Ireland and now best quote maker, legend


kdjac

Necronomicon

Anything from Ian Holloway is gold!

Xavi6

Henry Winter's article in the latest edition of Four Four Two:

"Stray balls never came over (columnist) Richard Littlejohn's fence - Bergkamp lived next door"

il gatto

George Hamilton during a Man Utd. Chanpions League match against some crap team : "Like a gourmet eating seafood, who has not yet been able to extract the seafood within". Similar to the one above, but even more inexplicable, stupid, and inappropriate. True to form then:D

Zebra3

Keith O'Neill on his premature retirement:"The world is my lobster".

Nalz

Q: quick word Gordon (Strachan) ??

A: velocity

hallelujah

Mad Dog wrote:

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best."
- Alan Shearer

"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd."
- Johnny Giles

"Nicholas Anelka left Arsenal for 23 million and they built a training ground on him."
Kevin Keegan didn't sign Anelka, he excavated him.

"His tackle was definitely pre-ordained."
Glenn Hoddle sees a too-footed lunge written in scripture.

"When he makes a decision, there's no arms thrown in the air and no gestating."
Kindly Niall Quinn spare a thought for an infertile referee.

"Bryan Robson wears his shirt on his sleeve."
Brian Moore spots a potential problems at throw-ins.

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
Stuart Pearce has the pefect incentive for a bunch of donkeys.

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it. You can see it all over their faces."
Ron Atkinson has always chosen his words carefully.

"He signals to the bench with his groin."
Mark Bright spots a stricken Villa player. Dion?

"Well his foot was high and that's why he got his penalism."
Quintessential Frank Stapleton.

"Venegoor turns and just lampoons it into the net."
Tommy Smyth reveals satire is PSV's most potent attacking weapon.

are you a Londoner?

Juan Pablo

Holloway is a legend

A couple from Romário

"When Pele's quiet, he's a poet," Romario told reporters on Copacabana Beach after training for a beach soccer match. "But he just talks sh it."On the field, he was the greatest player in history, he was our king. But he should put a shoe in his mouth."

God created me to delight people with my goals. When I was born he pointed at me and said “That’s him, that’s the one, now go and score me another goal”.

And a nice one from Diego Armando

I worked hard all my life for this. Those who say I don't deserve anything, that it all came easy, can kiss my arse.

DerekD Goldfish

"I will tell you one thing we wont lost 5-0 in the second leg"
Former Pats manager Liam Buckley after Pats first leg 5-0 defeat to the moldovian chapions Zimbru Chisinu and one week before the 5-0 seond leg defeat

Charlie

Rodney Marsh stated that Alf Ramsey told him;

‘I'll be watching you for the first 45 minutes and if you don't work harder I'll pull you off at halftime," to which Marsh replied: “Crikey, Alf, at Manchester City all we get is an orange and a cup of tea.”.

He was never selected for the England team again