Lack of family support

galwaydude

We moved to the states over 6 months ago.

I am just wondering how often do people here call home or get calls from their family, namely parents, brothers and sisters while living abroad.

Is it normal not to talk that much to your brothers and sisters over an 8 month period. Chatting on MSN doesnt count.

I am just slightly annoyed because i got my greencard on friday and not one of my family has rang to congratulate me yet. I rang my parents yesterday and told them so i am sure everyone else knows by now. To say i am pissed of is an understatement. Anytime anyone of my family have had something going on i rang to congratuate or send a card. I get nado nothing. Only my parents and one brother make an effort. I have tried to say things to my parents about it but they brush it off by saying how busy they are and dont take it personally.

Before i started work here i rang on average 4 times a week, we are the ones that make all the effort but we get nothing in return.

Overheal

Well, it seems I've found a counterpart

Greetings, Im American, and Ive been stuck on your Emerald Rock for over 6 YEARS.

The lack of communication is a sad, sad kick in the balls. I could count the amount of times Ive received incoming calls from the States on my hand. In my experience, if you don't call them, they don't call you.

It sounds pessimistic, but Im just tellin' my story. I got into trouble with my Mother alot over this: complaining that if she "worries" about me so much, why she doesn't call, send a letter, or even EMAIL anymore.
The first 2 years she would send me the odd care-package for occassions but that stopped in favor of sending the odd cashier's cheque.

As for your sibs, they often find themselves busied with other issues. When I go back to visit, I do often get caught up in those, so I understand why they don't keep in touch; though I talk to my closest brother from time to time, my oldest brother and little sister are AWOL 98% of the time. Don't take it out on em though; they have their own adventures to attend to.

Why your parentals havent contacted you yet is very odd indeed: especially in the first 6 months. Admittedly, during that time I was the only one doing the calling. I was up here just with my dad (moved out to IT Carlow just this term) and I know that he rarely calls either. However, I sympathise with him at least, because I know how difficult it is to get in contact with the siblings: they either have cell phone #s they never mention, or he doesnt want to call home because of the whole ex-wife and her new husband thing

My advice: probably time to write them a line, let them know whats been going on and leave all your contact information (as well as timezone). And whatever you do, as justified as it is/seems: don't give out to them for not getting a hold of you.

Lastly: its a great feeling to be able to share the experience, but sometimes the most satisfying experiences are the ones you keep to yourself If they want more details, they can bloody well ask for them.

Have fun in my Homeland and I'll have fun in yours!

- Overheal

CiaranC

Its part of emigrating. Out of sight, out of mind and all that.

daiixi

Some people keep in contact all the time while others don't. I rarely call anyone back in Australia but keep in contact with them by email, msn and irc. By the time we get on the phone we have nothing to talk about because it's all been covered over the computer. Then again I have friends who call their parents/family/friends in their home countries all the time and they call them back as well.
Personally a phone call home every three months or so is fine for me.

galwaydude

Overheal wrote:

Well, it seems I've found a counterpart

Greetings, Im American, and Ive been stuck on your Emerald Rock for over 6 YEARS.

The lack of communication is a sad, sad kick in the balls. I could count the amount of times Ive received incoming calls from the States on my hand. In my experience, if you don't call them, they don't call you.

It sounds pessimistic, but Im just tellin' my story. I got into trouble with my Mother alot over this: complaining that if she "worries" about me so much, why she doesn't call, send a letter, or even EMAIL anymore.
The first 2 years she would send me the odd care-package for occassions but that stopped in favor of sending the odd cashier's cheque.

As for your sibs, they often find themselves busied with other issues. When I go back to visit, I do often get caught up in those, so I understand why they don't keep in touch; though I talk to my closest brother from time to time, my oldest brother and little sister are AWOL 98% of the time. Don't take it out on em though; they have their own adventures to attend to.

Why your parentals havent contacted you yet is very odd indeed: especially in the first 6 months. Admittedly, during that time I was the only one doing the calling. I was up here just with my dad (moved out to IT Carlow just this term) and I know that he rarely calls either. However, I sympathise with him at least, because I know how difficult it is to get in contact with the siblings: they either have cell phone #s they never mention, or he doesnt want to call home because of the whole ex-wife and her new husband thing

My advice: probably time to write them a line, let them know whats been going on and leave all your contact information (as well as timezone). And whatever you do, as justified as it is/seems: don't give out to them for not getting a hold of you.

Lastly: its a great feeling to be able to share the experience, but sometimes the most satisfying experiences are the ones you keep to yourself If they want more details, they can bloody well ask for them.

Have fun in my Homeland and I'll have fun in yours!

- Overheal

Thanks for sharing your experience. My parents do call the odd time but i do most of the calling myself. I wasnt able to work here for 6 months so we were strapped financially yet nado calls.

I have told my parents yet they make excuses for all of them.

Sorry CiaranC but that is just crap. It doesnt take much to pick up a phone and call your brother. Its just pure selfishness on their part as i know they talk to each other all the time. How much does it cost to make a call? Im not directing anything towards you im just venting my anger and sadness. My sisters can afford trips abroad but they cannot bother their arse in calling me. Not one call in 8 months from either of them.

the_syco

When my sister did her around the world trip, she rang us sometimes, but sometimes we'd be out, or in bed, and also if we rang her it'd ba at a scheduled time.

What I'm saying is, have you said when would be a good time to call you, in the Irish time zone?

BuffyBot

Is it normal not to talk that much to your brothers and sisters over an 8 month period.

What's normal? Everyone's family is different, so it's hard for anyone to say.

galah

Been abroad for 6 years now (Ireland and 2 years in Australia) - and in contrast, I talk to my parents at least twice a week, if not more. My brother (lazy bugger) mails me once every two weeks or so, plus the odd text message.

I've lost a few friends due to the old "out of sight - out of mind" thing, but that's normal - I don't expect people to keep in touch if lives are drifting apart...But it's mainly up to the person going away to keep in touch - my experience, anyway.

With my best friend, I've arranged "phone dates" - for example, we try to chat every Monday night around 8, and I try to keep that time free for her!

And one tip - 13434 is a really cheap pre-dial number - they charge 0.5 cent (yes, half a cent) per minute to most countries! Could be an incentive to ring you more often..;-)

Good luck ;-)

Black Swan

Well, I'm overseas in the States for several months too, and I find that the frequent "phone home" option is just too expensive for me (and for them), so I rely a lot on the Internet (which is free in many California hotspots). Oh, we share voices on holidays, but I find that G-chat responses cross 8 times zones in two or three seconds.

Overheal

-Out Of Reach
-The Get Up Kids

Long way from home,
Lost by an echo
I’d never have known.

I’ve got pictures to prove I was there,
But you don’t care.

Here’s me overseas,
Across the pond by the Dover peaks.
I’ve smuggled myself into new nationalities,
You think you’d be proud of me.

There’s room to believe,
Out of sight,
Out of mind,
Out of reach.

Start over?
Start over
Is no way to begin.

Overheal

Ah parental excuses....murderable offenses, I tell you. I wouldn't panic. Course, I'm pretty sure its been a majority-lack of parental input over the course of my life that lead to the crazy rate at which I matured...most people think I sound as wise as 45 or more...Im 19, for ***** sake! Of course, saying you're mature, is a sign of immaturity (damnit.)

erm *cough* basically what I mean to say is that eventually you will find that you will become a lot more independent, and effectively become - for lack of a better English definition - a Man, by leaving the proverbial Nest as it were. Its been a wonderful experience, and I still can't remember to do my laundry