Actual answers from the Junior Cert

The Volt

The following questions and answers were collected from last year's
Junior exam results. These are genuine responses!!
(from 16year olds)! classics


Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe
to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well
endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an
election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his
adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g.
abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the
borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the
borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains
the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic
feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
umbrellas.

English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand
its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head

Stompbox

Complete and utter tripe!First of all,there is no way that the texts can be viewed.Secondly, Junior Cert students don't do a subject called Sociology.

Scrotum

They were funny.:D

Kojak

Not that bad.

twanda

I thought they were funny aswell.

Who cares where they're from... jeesh!

Dec McC

English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand
its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Plug

My brother put down "only smarties have the answer" for questions he didn't know.

:|

Plug wrote:

My brother put down "only smarties have the answer" for questions he didn't know.

heh heh now thats funny

Bard

Plug wrote:

My brother put down "only smarties have the answer" for questions he didn't know.

He'll go far!

I don't care. I'm using these jokes on my radio show this week.

Roonels

wat a genius...surely the examiner laughed and gave him a couple extra marks...for humour:D

Plug

Bard wrote:

He'll go far!

I don't care. I'm using these jokes on my radio show this week.

He is now an enginner:)

mal1

A teacher friend of mine told me that he corrected a junior cert science paper with the question 'Name one advantage of hard water?' One script had 'Ice Skating' as the answer. Not sure if my friend made that up...

Car Mad

Voltwad wrote:

The following questions and answers were collected from last year's
Junior exam results. These are genuine responses!!
(from 16year olds)! classics



Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well
endowed.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.



Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

there the best lol:D some funney sh!t im in stitches:p

iFight

Plug wrote:

My brother put down "only smarties have the answer" for questions he didn't know.

HAHAHA... Clever man.

The artificial insemination one is the best

county

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.



classic:)

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

bohsman

A friend of mine forgot the Irish word for Gardai in his Leaving Cert so he put "na Muic"

:|

bohsman wrote:

A friend of mine forgot the Irish word for Gardai in his Leaving Cert so he put "na Muic"

Gardai is the irish word:rolleyes:

Plug

Even I know that one and Im the worst Irish student in the school!
With the exception of all the polish!

bohsman

wrote:

Gardai is the irish word:rolleyes:

Really? Maybe thats why he couldnt think of another word that it could be. He was doing foundation Irish.

Piste

I did the JC this year, in Irish I was writing abiu Star Wars and said Yoda was a "Guru" (Fadas on the Us)

shane86

Plug wrote:

My brother put down "only smarties have the answer" for questions he didn't know.

Religion is an examinable subject these days I think. Seeing as Fr Ted once claimed that when stuck for a response it is the all covering answer to all religious questions, Id answer anything I didnt know with

"That would be an ecumenical matter"

Budd

Junior certs are 13-15.

This piece reeks of some old fwd. that just has the junior cert title tacked on to it.

Danielbride06

Yeah i visited that site too mate.

You do know it Plagarism to steal material from other sources without acknowledging it

http://www.berro.com/joke/bestGCSEanswers.htm

tut tut tut!!

But never the less they are deadly mistakes

Iwasfrozen

Danielbride06 wrote: »

Yeah i visited that site too mate.

You do know it Plagarism to steal material from other sources without acknowledging it

http://www.berro.com/joke/bestGCSEanswers.htm

tut tut tut!!

But never the less they are deadly mistakes

And you do know it is Necroism to bump a four year old thread.

tut tut tut!!

dxhound2005

But seeing we are here what about this one.

Science Proves the Existence of Hell

---

College Chemistry Extra Credit Question

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. Of course, the corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A" IN THE CLASS

Rabies

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

And you do know it is Necroism to bump a four year old thread.

tut tut tut!!

Its not that bad when it's a joke thread.