Diary of a Fat Chick

Frequent

Before I begin, can I just ask that if you know me, you keep this under your hat. I am trying not to make a song and dance about this in my day to day life. Thanks.

So, as I've outlined in the fitness forum, I'm a 25 year old woman who has been diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome and a hormonal imbalance, which have contributed, along with my ferociously bad habits and tendency to comfort-eat, to my gaining a stone a year in the last five years.

Now on a regulating medication, and on the advice of my gynacologist, I'm on the path to losing weight. I began this hideous journey last Monday November 13th 2006 at an embarassing 17 stone and 10lbs (I am 5' 11" tall so I don't appear alarming, but I am noticeably overweight). According to the scales this morning my current weight is 17 stone and 1lb, which means that to date I have lost 9 lbs. My goal is to reach 11 stone, or 154 lbs. I aim to do this by shifting 1.5lbs a week until December 31st 2007. I think this is a managable goal.

So.

My first week was absolutely miserable. I felt hungry and depressed (the depression being because I could not eat to appease work stress/relationship stress etc. - which is usually the way that I deal with things). But I pressed on, and was rewarded on Monday November 20th with 7.5lbs weight loss and a total loss of 7.25 inches totalled from waist, bust, thighs and hips. I think I might start measuring my upper arms too, they're pretty flabby and I'm looking forward to saying goodbye to that.

Now I am on the fourth day of the second week and it is so much better. I am sleeping more soundly, have more energy, feeling an inkling of motivation (motivation! how hard is it to hold onto that?!) and pulling up my trousers every ten minutes.

This is my diet for today:

Breakfast:
55g porridge made with half a pint of skimmed milk, with half a tablespoon of flax seeds and half a tablespoon of pumpkin seeds ground up and mixed in (for essential fats), with half a grapefruit, a cup of herbal tea and half a cup of apple juice mixed with half a cup of water. Also a general multivitamin supplement, 1000mg of Vitamin C and 500mg of Chromium. Am thinking of taking up zinc too, as I have read this can help with stretch marks, which I am a little concerned about.

11 am:
2 slices of rye bread, toasted, with a small can of baked beans.

Lunch:
A raw carrot, 150g organic natural yoghurt and a medium chopped banana.

3.30 pm:
A mandarin, half a tablespoon of pumpkin seeds and a cup of herbal tea.

Dinner
1 chicken breast, marinated in a little garlic, chilli, honey, ginger, apple juice and soy sauce, stir fried with lots of vegetables and served with a medium portion of egg noodles.

And that's it! If I am starved I will have a piece of fruit or an oatcake before bed, but I have found that the evenings are the easiest time for me. I am a very busy person and tend to be well occupied at night - it's the boredom in the office during the day that might trip me up.

Before undertaking all of this, I listened well to the advice of a friend with similar problems who found herself with 9 stone to shift. To date, she has lost 6. She is somewhat of an inspiration to me! When you've got half a stone to lose so that you can squeeze into a 10 instead of a 12, you don't really understand the emotional and physical torment of trying, and failing repeatedly, to lose weight. But, this friend gets it. And her advice has finally sunk in. I am not dieting. I've changed my life. And there is no cheating. If I cheat, then it proves that I'm dieting. How can you cheat in just being generally healthy?

I ate a (well considered) small chocolate bar on saturday night, felt no guilt and experienced no weight gain for it. I am going to allow myself a similar treat once a week - if I feel like it. I have also decided to allow myself two meals a month where I eat whatever I want (within reason) - this will make birthdays etc. much easier to cope with. Plus, there is no reason for me to eat every bite on the plate.

Exercise is not up to much right now. I am taking 15 minute brisk walks during my breaks in the day, but I intend to create a regime once I have shed a little more weight. Right now public exercise is still embarassing and very hard on my feet (which, like my hands, are bizarrely thin and delicate). I'm not sounding very attractive here, I know.

But I will be.

Wish me luck. This fat's a ba$tard, don't ya know!

walt0r

Wish ya the very best of luck, it's gonna be tough but you'll do it.

shakeydude

yeah best of luck, if you have a friend motivating you as well that is the business.:)

Frequent

Cheers.

Today's menu so far has been all over the place because I'm completely out of my routine - I'm off work but I'm doing a little volunteer work in my town and eating has been a challenge. None of my meals so far have been at home.

Breakfast:
Scrambled eggs (maybe with cream in them? I hope not) on one slice of brown toast (Nutty Doorstep -ugh! My stomach is upset already because of this), plus two cups of herbal tea. I need to get my multivitamins and essential fats (seeds) when I get home.

Lunch:
Half a bowl of mushroom soup. It tasted buttery (and delicious) - that's why I only ate half of it. I had one and a half slices of wholewheat (McCambridge's style) bread, with some butter, followed by half a chicken breast and some chopped cucumber and peppers, and a small apple. I admit I had a Diet Coke, too, which I know is rubbish for me, but, well, I'm making excuses. I had it because I forgot I have given up caffeine.

My plan for dinner is a fresh cod fillet, with home made chips (a medium potato sliced, salted, drizzled in a teaspoon of olive oil and roasted), and a large salad. I'm quite looking forward to that.

Today I can honestly say has been my best day so far. No hunger, no cravings, no obsessing over the next meal. I even had lunch an hour late because I had forgotten about it. However, because I was eating takeaway food from a cafe I don't know the exact calorie content. I might get myself over to www.fitday.com and see.

Last night I went for a brisk 30 minute walk and felt quite energised - I'm hoping soon I might start jogging. I used to jog in my fitter days, but over the last 3 years or so the thought has just been terrifying.

I am still 3 days from weigh-day. I'm curious to know by how much the loss will have slowed down.

Frequent

The fight of the flab continues.

Today so far I have eaten:

Breakfast:
55g of porridge made with half a pint of skimmed milk, half a medium chopped banana, a teaspoon of honey, half a glass of apple juice diluted with water, half a tablespoon of flax seeds and half a tablespoon of pumpkin seeds (boy, do I hate pumpkin seeds).

Snack:
Mandarin and a few more evil pumpkin seeds

Lunch:
A bowl of potato and green onion soup (not so rich and buttery today!) with a slice of wholewheat bread and a slice of delicious tomato bread, and a cup of jasmine tea, which smells like flowers and tastes like butt.

My plan for dinner is bolognese, made with turkey mince, lots of vegetables and a fresh tomato sauce, served on wholewheat spaghetti. I haven't eaten turkey mince in years so I can't remember if it's good or not. We shall soon see.

I am having a hard time keeping off the scales - I am very curious to know how I am doing. A part of you wonders, despite the science, what if all this discipline is for nothing?

I am now going to spend the next hour under a blanket in front of the tv writing up my meals for the next two weeks - which is the only way I got through the last two! Wish me luck.

Frequent

Had a rotten night tonight...I wanted to binge on junk so badly that I ended up in tears.

I resisted, somehow, and occupied myself with making soup for tomorrow. I ate a carrot and a kiwi and now I'm watching Season 2 of The Office on dvd. There's nothing like the humilation of others to help you forget your own.

g'em

Frequent wrote:

Had a rotten night tonight...I wanted to binge on junk so badly that I ended up in tears.

that's such a huge step!! it means that you've really committed to this and even though you ended up in tears what actually happened was that you made a phenomenally positive decision- you decided not to eat what you know is inherently bad for you. You've made that decision once, and you can keep making it. It won't always be easy, and sometimes it'll feel like the world is striving to make you eat rubbish, but you know that you have the free will to say no.

Ok, so maybe this all sounds like horse-poo and contrived and more than a little corny, but really and truly- you did brilliantly!!! Pat yourself on the back, get a good nights rest, and I can guarantee you'll wake in the morning feeling renewed and positive and ready to face the world again. Well done

Frequent

You were right g'em, I genuinely did feel better this morning. Nothing you said sounded contrived or like horse poo by the way - you are too hard on yourself woman! On reflection, I guess what it felt like was hitting the wall. Don't get me wrong - after two weeks I don't think I've hit the 20 mile mark in this marathon - I'm sure there are many more walls to come. The trick is going to be getting through each and every one of them as they come.

Today I ate the following.

Breakfast:
50g muesli, half a pint of skimmed milk, half a glass of apple juice diluted with water, supplements and seeds.

Lunch:
Vegetable and lentil soup with two slices of wholewheat bread, a slice of half fat cheese and some sliced turkey and ham.

There was a long gap between lunch and dinner, and I ate maybe an ounce of cornflakes with a couple of tablespoons of skimmed milk and a mandarin in between.

Dinner:
Takeaway from a local Thai restuarant - stir fried pork with mixed vegetables. I cooked up 2oz of brown rice at home to eat with this. I only managed to eat about two thirds of this, despite how delicious it was.

So, tomorrow is weigh day. I feel a little nervous and anticipatory about it. I will report my progress when I get into work and onto my computer. This week I need to work out a way to get some solid exercise into my routine. I have a very busy life and don't think I can afford the gym right now. All suggestions welcome.

walt0r

Best of luck tomorrow. Don't be upset if you don't lose as much as you intend to, it never quite works out that way. I trying to gain and sometimes forget that it's what's in the mirror that counts more than what the number is on the scale.

gymrabbit

Frequent wrote:

This week I need to work out a way to get some solid exercise into my routine. I have a very busy life and don't think I can afford the gym right now. All suggestions welcome.

I think everyone can make space for some power walking in their week. If you can do it for 45 mins at a go that's what I'd recommend.

Frequent

I will try to pencil that in three times this week.

My weigh in this morning wasn’t bad – I had a total loss for the past week of 3.2lbs, bringing my loss so far to 10.8 lbs. My inch loss was a mere half an inch off my hips, which was disappointing, but I haven’t been exercising strenuously and I also probably have some water retention thanks to my period. Tsk, the sorrows of being a woman.

I realise it will probably slow down quite a lot now, but I am working with a target of 1.5lbs a week, so I am well ahead of schedule. I am motivated to continue.

Smellyirishman

Frequent wrote:

I had a total loss for the past week of 3.2lbs, bringing my loss so far to 10.8 lbs. My inch loss was a mere half an inch off my hips, which was disappointing.

That's fantastic! You should not be dissapointed when you are seeing such obvious results. It will slow down, and your period will have an effect, but you are succeeding in your goal, be happy! Seeing the numbers drop at the end of a hard week really should fill you with energy, not get you down.

Frequent

Thanks Smellyirishman, the encouragement genuinely does encourage me.

So today was not such a bad food day, although dinner was a disaster...

For breakfast I had muesli, skimmed milk, seeds, apple juice, herbal tea and a kiwi.

At 11 I had a bowl of lentil and vegetable soup.

For lunch I ate 4 oatcakes with some fruit spread and light cottage cheese, and a raw carrot.

I snacked on a kiwi and some pumpkin seeds at 3pm.

Dinner was chicken biriyani with brown basmati - I usually make it with white - and the difference was palpable, and disappointing. Brown rice just doesn't work as well in a "stewed" dish. I also burnt the bottom of the pot which gave a rotten flavour to the whole thing. I was not enthusiastic to eat much of it, so this has not been a heavy day for calories. Blinded by the taste of chilli peppers though, my other half not only lashed through his burnt biriyani, but he ate mine too. Now that's love!

As an aside - he has lost five pounds since I started eating this way, simply by eating the same breakfast and dinner as me. He doesn't even need to! BA$TARD!

DonJose

Way to go, have you tried psyllium husks with a glass of orange juice in the morning, psyllium husks congeal so you need to mix the juice fast, try a blender or cocktail mixer. Psyllium husks really fill you up plus they are great for absorbing toxins in your body plus they help lower cholesterol. If you are taking medication psyllium husks should not be taken as they will absord the medication. Keep up the great work.

tuxy

When you get your weight down a bit more would you consider taking up a sport?
The gym is so boring and expensive, to much of a chore. But if you find a sport you like it could work great for weight loss.

Frequent

DonJose, I am afraid I am on medication - for the cysts and hormonal imbalance, so the husks wouldn't be an option...although congealed grains first thing in the morning sounds delicious...:)

tuxy, I loved sports as a teenager...I was school captain of the basketball team etc...but by the time I hit college I was unfit and felt I'd be a hindrance to a university team so I lost my taste for it. I would love to get back into it, particularly women's football, but surely I'd fail any tryouts?

I do play tennis the odd time when the weather is fine and I enjoy that...the ideal thing for me would be sports rather than the gym, and I could do some free weights at home for muscle tone, but I feel at a bit of a loss about what kind of sport I could get into. I love team stuff, but where could I go?

Today so far I have eaten:

Muesli with seeds and skimmed milk, herbal tea and half a grapefruit.

I plan to eat some soup at 11, then a little pasta at lunch, with some vegetable crudites and a pot of yoghurt. For my snack at 3pm I have a kiwi and some pumpkin seeds. Dinner tonight is chilli con carne with lots of fresh vegetables and brown rice.

I am not feeling great, however. This morning, and yesterday morning, after breakfast I have experienced a strange pain in my stomach - almost as though my stomach is full of rocks. I have had problems with Irritable Bowel for years, but avoiding the foods that trigger bowel spasms is how I control it. I have not eaten anything that should cause my gut problems - I have a pretty clean diet right now - but I can't help feeling that this pain is related to the bowel issues. It is a totally unfamiliar pain though.

Anyone have any advice? If not I think I may need to head to the doctor as I am quite uncomfortable and a little anxious.

g'em

Frequent wrote:

Anyone have any advice? If not I think I may need to head to the doctor as I am quite uncomfortable and a little anxious.

If you're feeling worried the doctor should of course be your first port of call. Just remember though, that if you've been giving your body lots of easily digested processed foods for a while, and now all of a sudden you're giving it food that *shock, horror* it actually has to work to break down, there's going to be some physiological adaptations to that. I'm not saying that's the cause of te pain- and certainly, if you have a history of IBS it's certainly shomething to check out - but I know my tummy actually gets a bit sensitive if I change my diet in any drastic way.

Hope it's nothing to worry about, and a huge (belated) congrats on the weight loss- you're doing fantastically!!!

Frequent

I was thinking that myself g'em, but surely if I have been eating this way for over two weeks I would have experienced symptoms sooner than now? I have been ringing around doctors near where I work and am not having any luck with an appointment, so I may wait it out for today and see how I am in the morning.

I actually don't feel like eating anything. This is a first.

S5

Hi Frequent I think you are doing excellent. I'm sitting here reading your diary every day and saying to myself I must start now tomorrow to shift the unwanted stones but today is tomorrow and I'm still the same! I really admire you and hope to follow suit soon, you've given some great food ideas to thanks a mill It is hard though when you've women's troubles, that just adds extra lbs, its not fair.

Frequent

S5, I have battled with my weight for years. I have tried every diet and they all work - it is me that's broken.

I am such an emotional eater, that when I take away food as comfort, it feels worse than is describable. At every other time in my life, when I hit a crisis point - an argument with somebody, a failure, a difficult day in work - I would eat away to my heart's content and feel much better. However, on a day to day basis I was consumed with a sense of failure and inadequacy, not to mention ugliness. It's true that my hormonal imbalance and other issues contribute to the gain, but I wouldn't have been gaining if I had been eating a clean diet. (My partner has had the same diet as me for years and he has never gained weight.)

But this time I have made the decision to fight through the anxiety that arises when I can't eat. And I am being strict with myself. Careful portion sizes, limited snacks - but not so much that I am hungry.

What I am getting at is this. From experience, I can tell you that the longer you deny that your weight is a serious issue, the more weight you will gain. Some days I see photographs of myself and cannot believe where that slim and active teenager went. I ignored the increasing dress sizes, only launching periodically into half hearted diets where I cheated whenever I was down and eventually gave up.

Planning your meals is hard. Cooking meals in advance when you would rather be reading a book or watching tv with a takeaway pizza is hard. None of this is easy.

But can I just encourage you to do it. I read this book on the recommendation of a friend, gave myself a full week to prepare, went shopping, made meal plans, and began.

This time, there is no turning back. I cannot. I will die of a heart attack at 50. I want to enjoy my youth, and my middle age, and my old age.

Lecture over. Today was an odd day, I was feeling sick, so I didn't really eat during the day. I only ate half of my soup, ignored my kiwi and seeds and left the pasta. By the time I got home I felt better and ate most of my chilli and went for a bracing walk in the cold.

I have a meal out with friends on Friday night and I have decided I will eat what I like, but watch my portion sizes, and maybe skip dessert. I'm not mad about desserts anyway. I'm much more of a nachos kinda chick.

rainglow

Frequent wrote:

This time, there is no turning back. I cannot. I will die of a heart attack at 50. I want to enjoy my youth, and my middle age, and my old age.

With such a good attitude, I'm sure you'll succeed

Apparantly it takes 28 days to form a habit, and you're halfway to a habit of eating well already. Keep up the great work...I know it's not easy as I'm a failed dieter myself. I've started six diets already this year, and am patting myself on the back at the moment for doing TWO whole days without slipping - how pathetic!

Frequent

rainglow, you will only not slip if you decide not to!

I am having all kind of revelations (obvious to normal people) this week. This morning lying in bed it occurred to me that my weight and dress size and muscle tone are things that are actually in my control. Well, duh. I have just felt so out of control for so long.

For breakfast this morning I had a little more time, so I had two boiled eggs on one slice of brown toast and half a grapefruit, half a glass of apple juice mixed with water, plus supplements. I couldn't face the horrible seeds defacing this tasty meal, so I will mix them into my yoghurt at lunch time.

I will have a plum and a few brazil nuts...oh, about now.

For lunch I'm having a little pasta in a tomato sauce, a pot of yoghurt (avec seeds) and some raw carrots.

For my afternoon snack I will have an orange and some pumpkin seeds and a cup of herbal tea.

For dinner it's a spicy chicken stir fry with egg noodles - I am getting a little sick of chicken stir frys so I may strike it from the menu for a few weeks after tonight.

Tonight there are people coming over and the coffee and biscuits will be out - but I think I will be ok, my head is in a good place.

Dudess

Frequent, well done. You're doing amazingly. What a great attitude you have! And, I don't know if you write for a living, but if you don't, you should see about getting freelance articles published! Your posts are superbly written and such a pleasure to read! Just one point: I've seen the dreaded 'd' word used a couple of times. Your new lifestyle is exactly that - a lifestyle. Not a diet, which is generally a temporary fix and DOES NOT WORK!!! The diet industry wants people to fail. Why else is it raking in millions (billions?) That's all I wanted to say. Well done again, and the very best of luck.

Frequent

Dudess, thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying the posts - this is such a narcissistic process, I am surprised that anyone's interested at all! I love to write, I dream of being a writer in fact, but it's easier dreamt than done.

I have read countless success stories, from my WeightWatchers days, of women who have lost 4,5,6 stone and their whole attitude toward life is altered. Apparently beating this makes you feel as if you could beat anything. I wonder if losing this weight will spur me on to greater things!

Dudess

Well I do a bit of writing myself. Maybe do a part-time course, or if you have a good feature idea, email it to the relevant editor - a Sunday paper's magazine or something. But that's for a different forum.
Anyway, I recently stopped being in denial and realised I have to lose some weight too. I'm 5 foot 5" and weigh just under 11 stone - not hugely overweight, but, nevertheless, I definitely need to lose at least a stone. My correct build is supposed to be actually quite skinny - basically no bum, no hips, skinny legs. That's not my aim - it's just my correct build. Any excess in those areas would just be flabby, not curvy. The only big part of me should be my boobs, really. So what has happened is: all the weight is on my stomach. While the rest of me is quite slim, I have much too wide a waistline and it's totally disgusting and puts me at risk of developing type 2 diabetes - in fact, as an apple-shaped woman, I'm six times more at risk of this than a pear-shaped (big hips, big ass, big thighs but flat stomach) person.
So, since October 24th I've been doing loads of exercise and eating healthily - although I've fallen off the wagon a few times - early Christmas social occasions, my graduation, having a miserable cold which made me want nothing but refined carbs and sugar etc (after Christmas I'm going to be much stricter). But I kept getting back on the wagon and I've still lost three and a half pounds - which isn't much in five weeks, but people are saying I look like the weight is falling off. Apparently, sometimes it doesn't register on the scales. I feel amazing and my fitness levels have absolutely soared. Unfortunately there isn't much of a difference to my stomach so far, but I guess the worst parts are always the last to go. I used always kid myself that my stomach could be covered up as long as my legs were slim, but I'd like to be able to have a more varied selection of tops rather than loose-fitting ones, which are often very unflattering.
Anyway, keep it up. You are going to feel and look incredible! Five weeks in, I'm feeling it myself - I can't emphasise how worth it it is!

Frequent

A three and a half pound loss, when your total loss is 14 pounds, is nothing to be sneezed at! You are 25% of the way there!

Something that has really helped me is keeping the junk food just well and truly out of the house. I also have a partner who is holding me accountable. If there is no junk, then I cannot eat junk. Just a tip!

Don't give up Dudess, you can reach your goal weight and get rid of that tum.

Dudess

Suggestions and encouragement noted. Thanks a mil!

Frequent wrote:

A three and a half pound loss, when your total loss is 14 pounds, is nothing to be sneezed at! You are 25% of the way there!

Wow! When you put it like that it makes me realise that I probably have to lose a good bit more than a stone - there's no way 10 and a half pounds would have me at the size I want to be. I'd say it's at least a stone and a half that I need to lose really and, while my stomach is the only visibly 'large' area, there's lots and lots of toning and dewobbling to be done. But thanks for pointing that out! It still makes me feel like I've achieved a good bit. And, as I said, I've fallen off the wagon a few times.
By the way, sorry for going on about my weight loss objectives when you're aiming to lose a good deal more, but you will definitely lose it the way you're going so far. And, according to those in the know, it does get easier.

Frequent

Can I begin today by thanking all those who have sent me private messages. I have been completely surprised and delighted by the positive response to this thread. It even gave me the courage to tell some of my friends last night what I am doing and just how much weight I need to lose. They were amazed that I am 84lbs from my target, but once they were over that, they were extremely supportive. Six months ago I would not have been able to have that conversation with them – not because I don’t trust them, but because of (a) the shame associated with my weight and (b) my sense that any attempt to lose the weight would inevitably fail and thus increase the aforementioned shame. However, this time, the weight is going.

So. This morning I ate muesli, skimmed milk, seeds and juice for breakfast (plus, of course, my zinc, chromium, vitamin C and multivitamin). For my elevenses I plan to eat a plum and a few pumpkin seeds. At lunch I am having two cold boiled eggs, salad and two slices of wholewheat bread. At 3pm I will eat a banana, some seeds and a raw carrot (I find I’m quite peckish between lunch and dinner). I can’t remember what I wrote down for my evening meal – I think it was spaghetti bolognese, this time made with lean beef. I really did not enjoy that bolognese last week made with turkey mince. Wholewheat spaghetti, however, is very nice and I have no complaints about that.

By the way, I managed to avoid the biscuits and coffee last night, despite the fact that there were 6 PACKETS of all scrumptious kinds (mostly provided by guests) and I have now had them hidden from me so that should temptation strike I won’t be able to locate them.

Frequent

Greetings all.

I went to the cinema last night, which is one of the difficult places for me when trying to avoid junk food. I left myself some leeway with calories yesterday, went into Boots and bought a packet of salt and vinegar Snack a Jacks (circa 100 calories) and a bottle of water, and contented myself with that. I actually felt content.

Today I met a friend for breakfast in a dreaded bakery, home of all that is tasty and refined, and had two slices of warm wholewheat bread with a little butter and jam, and an apple juice and a couple of glasses of water. While she chowed down on cream cakes and fresh coffee, I didn't even mind, because while I know I would enjoy those things, I am not physically craving them, and also because I walk around with a glimpse of the big picture in mind nowadays.

I ate a plum and 5 almonds for my mid-morning snack. Today is not a well planned day and I am unsure what I will have for lunch. I think I will attempt to make some grilled falafel balls and eat them with a little yoghurt. I will report on my progress.

Dinner is part of a night out tonight, and I have been quite strict with my portions this week, so I will relax and eat what I fancy. However, I will take the chicken option rather than the beef (which is my preference), I will skip dessert and I will only have one beer. I should still be able to enjoy myself, and I know I will have plenty to eat. The sneak-previews I take of the scales during the week are looking good and I don't want to jeopardise that.

All going to plan, I should shortly be joining a gym with a friend, which I will be attending three times a week during my lunch hour, for 45 minutes at a time. I would really like advice on optimising fitness and muscle tone. I don't plan to spend that time strolling on the treadmill. Your advice is very welcome.

kindle

Go Girl, I have to say your attiude and approach are really inspirational and I am delighted that your are seeing the results of your efforts. I wish you all the best and every success!

K

fred funk }{

Keep up the good work