Diary of a Fat Chick

wasabi

Hey, like you say it could be way worse. You can't change the past so no point fretting about it now.

You're ravenous because you're barely eating there, I would be too!

Do you have a Fitday account or something similar? I dropped about a stone recently using it as a food journal, I'd highly recommend it. It'll give you a good idea of how many cals you're eating and also how many you're burning (using your weight and activity level to guess).

You then want to aim for a sensible deficit of not more than 500 cals max between the two. That's plenty to lose weight steadily without being absolutely starving.

Also, what you eat is important. Porridge or no-sugar muesli is more filling than cornflakes, nuts would be more filling than grapes (fun fact: almonds have appetite suppressant effects), and a big salad with plenty of good protein or a wholegrain bread sandwich would be a better lunch.

Protein, veg and wholegrains can keep you full on fairly few calories really, and they're very healthy for you.

Anything with sugar or white flour will just tend to make you really hungry afterwards because it's spiking and crashing your blood sugar. They're diet killers - your yogurt probably had a fair bit of sugar, most do, the cornflakes too.

Best of luck with it, you can do it!

dellas1979

Can I just say, look I, for one, know how hard it is to loose weight.

I have been reading your submissions with interest and am delighted to see you back posting.

But something obviously isnt working for you. I read about you and your nuts and your vitamins and things like that, but it only seems to remind you even further that you are on a "diet".

Also, you are always talking about your job - late and uncontrolling hours - this can be very very hard when making a decision about diet/exercise - believe me, I know. I dont get home until 10.45 2 evenings a week. But all this is changing for me in 3 weeks - i have been trying to loose weight for the past 2 months and it is so hard due to erratic eating and long hours.

Maybe you need to think about changing a few things in your life, and not just your diet?

kindle

the main thing really is not to give up on it, so you've stumbled and you are almost back to were you started but from reading through you logs you had made a good amount of progress before christmas and were noting the improvement in how you were feeling eating good food. The great thing about having a log is that you can read back over it. The worst thing about the current western diet in my mind is that we have lost track as to how are body responds to certain food types and are no longer sensitive to effect processed food has on us. A small bit of advice is chose to eat, try not to do it unconciously, by all means chose to eat a pizza/chocolate or whatever but try to note how your body responds to eat and chose not to ignore any negative effects that you notice. ah i am not sure if this even makes sense. I picked up a book a while back called the Overweight patient, its a bit hard going but its basically centred aroudn the physological (spelling ) aspects of being overweight its not everyones cup of tea but it might be worth a look! All the best with your endeavours, you'll do great!

Frequent

Thank you very much to the above posters for your advice - in some way I am taking all of it on board.

Ok, well last week was another failure.

But I have decided to try something new.

The other day I asked myself, what are the main reasons for my repeated failures? The answers I have come up with are (1) food is such an emotional issue for me, and eating has has always been a way to cope with difficult things. There was a time in my life when my body could sustain this bad habit and although I ate a lot was in good physical shape, but in the last few years with hormonal issues etc., I can no longer do this and expect to maintain a good figure. So in short - emotional eating. (2) When I diet, I am always hungry. This hunger makes me feel desperate, and I often end up eating more than usual to compensate.

So. What can I do about this?

I decided that for the next few weeks, I am going to eat whenever I am hungry. That is, any time I have a tummy grumble, instead of trying to battle through it miserably as I have done in diets before, I am going to eat something. But it will be a healthy choice. I also decided that I will not be eating anything that I don't like. Why? Because I cannot sustain it. The same goes for the emotional eating. If I feel I just must eat something because of a rotten day or whatever, then I will. But it will be something good for me, like a big slice of melon. Also, I am going to have stimulants if I want them. I always avoid coffee, tea, chocolate and diet drinks when I am dieting, and this makes me miserable too. I enjoy herbal tea, but only one cup a day. I also like a coffee a day, and maybe a tea in the evening.

Today is my first day trying to eat right with this philosophy. I am scared to admit how great I feel...almost as though I'll jinx it. Today I made choices that I really wanted to eat, but that I knew were good to eat. So instead of trying to force down porridge as I often do when dieting, I ate an apple on the train to work. Then, at my 11 o'clock break I was hungry and ate two slices of toast and a coffee. At lunch time I had some spinach soup (it was lukewarm so I didn't really eat much of it), one slice of granary bread, a light yoghurt, a Diet Coke and a small packet of popcorn.

And I feel good. I can't underestimate how much this means to me. Allowing myself the freedom to eat whenever I want seems like it may have broken some kind of negative mindset in me. I feel calmly hopeful this time.

I do know that grazing adds up calorie-wise, but I am not worried about this. I won't be stuffing myself with high-cal sweets or crisps, it will be fruits and vegetables and nuts and yoghurts.

Well let's give it a week at least and see what happens.

Sleepy

One tip - most 'light' youghurts are full of crap and sugar. They're low fat because they've replaced the fat with sugars. Try a handful of blueberries/raspberrys/strawberries/choppped banana or similar in a glenisk low-fat natural yoghurt (lowest cal yoghurt out there, active bacteria and damn tasty too!).

Another suggestion would be to get a glass of water every time you think you're hungry and don't eat unless you're still hungry 10 minutes afterwards, most of us have lost the ability to distinguish between hunger and thirst.

You seem to be on a better track now - eat small portions of things more often rather than starving yourself between meals. Wasabi's suggestion of a fitday account is a very good one for keeping an eye on what you're taking in on a daily basis.

Frequent

Thanks Sleepy, that is good advice - and I do know that. I generally only eat Glenisk natural yoghurts, which are (incidentally) labelled as low fat.

Also, as someone who has been struggling with weight for years, and having tried every diet in the book (and they all work, by the way) I do have a good understanding of nutrition and of myself but believe me - the glass of water when hungry thing just doesn't cut it. It is still in the mindset, for me, of denial, which, it has transpired is just automatic failure for me.

I already drink plenty of water, so when I am hungry, I will eat a small portion of whatever I fancy that's good. The same methods just don't work for everybody unfortunately!

kindle

Sounds like a good plan frequent! Keep us updated on how your getting on!

rainglow

Frequent wrote:

It is still in the mindset, for me, of denial, which, it has transpired is just automatic failure for me.

I know exactly what you mean here, I suffer from this and get stuck in a vicious cycle of denial and bingeing when I try to reduce my intake of sugary foods. I tried not denying myself, but for me not denying myself = 3 bars of chocolate a day! So then I tried complete denial, which resulted in 3 weeks off sugar, followed by a two week free-for-all. I completely lack moderation, so if you're able to indulge yourself in moderation, I take my my hat off to you

good luck with your endeavours, being happy with your lifestyle really is the key to keeping it up

b3t4

Frequent, have you tried weight watchers? They've a new thing now called a "Core Plan" which means that you don't have to count points on everything but eat items from a list. Items outside the list are pointed alright. You've to eat till your full or some such. People rave about it. I haven't tried it mind as I do like counting.

I love weightwatchers as it's not all that hardcore but more a balanced and common sense view on food and life.

A

Frequent

Well, I'm back. I'm sure you'd all like to see the back of me at this stage.

This success/failure thing with diet has been ongoing now for a number of years. A month of success, two or three months of failure, a month of success again. There are usually some failed attempts in between.

To answer your question b3t4 I have tried Weight Watchers, but it doesn't encourage a clean diet, as you can eat lots of rubbish as long as it is within your points range, and this encourages an emotional eater like myself to just keep going and not stop at the 2 point fudge bar.

I am back trying again. My confidence is really low. I have lost any desire for a quick fix by now, and will seriously need to take this day by day, as eating is a very serious problem for me.

For breakfast I had a smoothie made with porridge oats, natural yoghurt, orange juice and strawberries. At 11 I ate two slices of brown soda bread and an apple. Lunch is some sliced turkey and a big salad. I have a kiwi and a yoghurt for my afternoon snack. Dinner will be Japanese food, which is generally a good healthy option, and I'll probably go for Yasai Yaki Soba, wholemeal noodles with egg and vegetables.

Wish me luck as I start on this - yet again.

Lard NoMore

Frequent wrote:

Well, I'm back. I'm sure you'd all like to see the back of me at this stage.

This success/failure thing with diet has been ongoing now for a number of years. A month of success, two or three months of failure, a month of success again. There are usually some failed attempts in between.

To answer your question b3t4 I have tried Weight Watchers, but it doesn't encourage a clean diet, as you can eat lots of rubbish as long as it is within your points range, and this encourages an emotional eater like myself to just keep going and not stop at the 2 point fudge bar.

I am back trying again. My confidence is really low. I have lost any desire for a quick fix by now, and will seriously need to take this day by day, as eating is a very serious problem for me.

For breakfast I had a smoothie made with porridge oats, natural yoghurt, orange juice and strawberries. At 11 I ate two slices of brown soda bread and an apple. Lunch is some sliced turkey and a big salad. I have a kiwi and a yoghurt for my afternoon snack. Dinner will be Japanese food, which is generally a good healthy option, and I'll probably go for Yasai Yaki Soba, wholemeal noodles with egg and vegetables.

Wish me luck as I start on this - yet again.

Hi Frequent, I know how you feel mate and I am on exactly the same path as you! See my log for more.

You can do it! Keep thinking positive!!!

ali.c

Hi Frequent,

I am also in the process of sorting out my diet and I know how hard it can be. Just wanted to wish you all the best in your endeavours!

Ali

Frequent

Ah, day two. Yesterday went well, emotionally. I ate very well, getting in about six portions of fruit and vegetables, and I wasn't thinking about my next meal at every corner.

This morning I had another smoothie - natural yoghurt, orange juice, strawberries, oats and banana. Lunch is two slices of brown soda toast and a small tin of beans, plus a raw carrot and some sugar snap peas. For snacks I've got a kiwi and an apple, a small portion of low fat cheese and a pot of yoghurt.

I don't know what dinner will be yet, which is never a good thing, but perhaps an omlette would be good - I have a hankering for some eggs.

Frequent

Yesterday was good. I ate as much as I needed to and made sure it was all good stuff. In the evening I had a cod fillet and salad for dinner, and later had a snack of a boiled egg. I ate 20g of popcorn on my train journey home from work, too.

Today I had a pot of yoghurt and carrot sticks for breakfast on my way into work. At 11 I had 3 small slices of Irish soda bread and a glass of low fat milk. At lunch I will be having some more yoghurt, an ounce of cheese, a kiwi, a banana and a carrot. At around 3 o'clock I'll have an apple and 20g of popcorn. Dinner will be meat of some kind (not yet purchased, probably chicken) with new potato salad and egg salad (light versions), and lots of other kinds of salad with raw peppers, beets, cucumber etc.

Feeling good.

Frequent

Whoa.

Well. When I started on this journey I was so motivated, so determined, so sure that I had turned a corner, so confident that I would succeed this time. Instead, it has been the usual failure that all of the attempts in the last couple of years have been. I feel like an addict, except that there's no rehab for overeating. If I could just switch off my life for two months and check myself into fat camp, believe me, I would do it. I feel desperate.

I have regained the weight that I lost and a little extra for good measure. I am now up to 18 stone. I've got six stone to lose.

I know that it looks like if I were serious about this, I would make it happen. I am serious, very serious, but I still fail repeatedly. It feels to me like it's out of my control. Eating is so closely linked to my emotions, and although it looks to the outside world as though I am someone who has got it all together, I really do struggle with a lot of issues - many of which stem from my weight. I am one of those people that is used to being successful - in work, in academics, in relationships, even in hobbies. At school I was the kind of girl who was captain of the basketball team and the debate team. I have a lot of friends, a gorgeous, passionate partner, work and studies that I enjoy, great home, I regularly get to travel and try new experiences. I am used to being on top of stuff. It baffles me then why I can't conquer food. Food wins every time, and then there's the tears and the guilt and the self-loathing and the avoiding of all cameras.

Anyway. I woke up this morning with one thought on my mind. I have never had a comparable experience and I don't know why - I can't even remember what I was dreaming about. When I woke up, I had visions, literal pictures as though I was watching a movie, of me having some kind of triple bypass heart surgery, as a result of my weight and my diet. I sat up in bed and thought even of the things I had eaten yesterday that are bad for my heart. It was my first genuine consideration of my health. I say genuine because I have always been concerned about it in a vague way, but my real motivation has been my looks - those size 12/14 jeans in my wardrobe that I can't get into anymore.

The long and short of this reflective nonsense is that you won't be hearing from me again until I have lost two stone. God knows how long that will be. I am feeling a little shocked and maybe this is just what I need to start asking myself the right questions about food.

Bye.

dellas1979

Look ive tried to say this to you before, but maybe its more an over haul of your life you need and not so much your diet.......

Are you getting this? You work lonng hours, youve said this on many a post. You are making this obsession with weight loss even more difficult......

Next thing is to find someone to explain this love/hate relationship with food to......

Something isnt working for you. You can sit there and tell me what you have/what you were/how great you were/are, and it all may well be true, but something isnt right.

Can you not see this?