Gf texting other fellas - Yay or Nay?

Sully

Myself and some friends were chatting about things there girlfriends / ex's have done in the past that bugged them. One of the most debated things was if she was texting other lads that she wasn't that friendly with - just random guys who text her etc. Im on the bench about the whole thing - I think it depends on the circumstances, otherwise it might be a little bit over-protective.

So I was wondering, what do you guys think? Would you like the idea of your girlfriend texting other fellas (even if she knew them a long time, such as her ex or a guy who fancies her and has been trying to get with her etc)? Or would it depend?

Mods: Hope this is in the right place, feel free to move it if not. Just a general "survey" as such - interested to see what others think!

Cheers

monkeyfudge

Texting anyone in general when in the company of someone else I've always found to be very rude... I really don't care about the gender of who they are texting.

Rabies

It is only a problem if you are insecure about your relationship or don't trust your girlfriend. If the person they are texting likes your girlfriend, just remember she is going out with you and not him.
I wouldn't have a problem with it. When my ex asked who I was texting I had no problem telling her it was another girl. So what, guy can have female friends the same as girls can have male friends.

Placebo

SLUH alert. nay all the way. Always seems like they want to leave several open windows incase this falls through.

Rb

Nope, wouldn't really bother me. I put a lot of trust in people, friends, girlfriends etc. unless they give me reason not to.

Ruu_Old

I would take the phone off her, no bloody way. Back in and do them dishes woman!*runs*

Seriously though what Rabies said is spot on. The gender doesn't matter either.

Victor McDade

if it annoys you then just start texting ex's of your own

Dempsey

Rabies, what happens if they had a really complex relationship where it isnt black and white.

Would you not have questions?

admiralofthefleet

its all down to trust, if you dont trust your partner texting his/her ex then it shows you dont trust them and shouldnt be in relationship with them

Black Swan

Yes, this is a trust issue. No trust, no relationship.

DublinEvents

I would say be careful! Girls are weird creatures who like it when they are made to laugh. So if she's having a bad day with you for some reason and one of her mates texts her and brightens her day, she might seriously start considering leaving you. I think there should be no contact with other males behind your back. If she's your girlfriend, she should notify you about everything she's doing that could irk you later. It wouldn't be nice to wake up one day and hear her say, "Oh John! This isn't working anymore." and you have no frickin' idea what you did wrong. If a girl can't tell you everything she's doing and insists on her privacy, she's upto no good and you should leave her and run away from her as fast as possible. She will only end up giving you un-needed heartache.

I might sound really harsh but I speak from experience. Most girls once they make up their minds, it's impossible to reason with them. So you gotta stop all the ways that could lead her to making up her mind about leaving you. It's not about trust. Most girls simply cannot be trusted. So you have to take matters into your own hands and keep them from harming you.

admiralofthefleet

DublinEvents wrote:

I would say be careful! Girls are weird creatures who like it when they are made to laugh. So if she's having a bad day with you for some reason and one of her mates texts her and brightens her day, she might seriously start considering leaving you. I think there should be no contact with other males behind your back. If she's your girlfriend, she should notify you about everything she's doing that could irk you later. It wouldn't be nice to wake up one day and hear her say, "Oh John! This isn't working anymore." and you have no frickin' idea what you did wrong. If a girl can't tell you everything she's doing and insists on her privacy, she's upto no good and you should leave her and run away from her as fast as possible. She will only end up giving you un-needed heartache.

I might sound really harsh but I speak from experience. Most girls once they make up their minds, it's impossible to reason with them. So you gotta stop all the ways that could lead her to making up her mind about leaving you. It's not about trust. Most girls simply cannot be trusted. So you have to take matters into your own hands and keep them from harming you.

you are right about not trusting them, its best to stay one step ahead

20 Times 20 Times

Depends on the girlfriend i think .

My previous girlfriend i hated texting other guys for the simple reason that i didnt trust her.

My current girlfriend i have no problem with texting who ever she wishes to text , thats because i do trust her.

OT
hello everyone been a while

CathyMoran

You should be able to trust your girlfriends. My best friend is male and I obvously text him, if my fiancee started to say that I was not allowed to I would have a serious think about our relationship. My best friend is like a baby brother to me, the idea of me feeling anything else about him would be sick and I would have problems if my fiancee suddenly became controlling. I should state that he knows my friend well also.

I do understand on the other hand about texting ex's - I do text my ex the odd time and am best friends with another one and friends with another one but I do keep my fiancee fully informed and am careful to his feelings about that. He does know the two ex's that I am friends with and is separatly friends with one of them and was with the other one.

Rabies

Dempsey wrote:

Rabies, what happens if they had a really complex relationship where it isnt black and white.

Would you not have questions?

Would they not be able to talk about it? Let each other know what is going on. Relationships are built on trust, not on the fear that if you text another girl there is a chance your current relationship will be on the rocks.

I would substitute 'complex' for untrusting in your post.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

I would take the fone off her as Ruu said, and if she complained I would tell her if she doesnt stop b!tchin about having no fone she will be bitching about a black eye!

rick_fantastic

my ex was very secretive about her phone even tho i never expressed any interest in who she was texting. tbh i trusted her so i didnt care.

every time i took my phone out to answer a call or read a text message it was like the morris tribunal!!! who are you talking to, who was that texting, one day she got her hands on my phone and read all my text messages, a good few of which were from very good girl friends of mine telling me that my current gf was a psycho and i should get the hell away from her.

she promptly broke up with me.... and im better for it

TerrorFirmer

admiralgar wrote:

you are right about not trusting them, its best to stay one step ahead

lol. men forever!!1

Sully

Interesting. Kinda thought it would be 50/50 alright! Personaly, I could probably be OK with it if I was assured it was nothing more then just friends. But, if he kept making advances to her, asking her off etc - wouldnt it be time to get worried if she was still texting him?! Now, then my mind would probably start having alarm bells ringing!

Dont like any secrecy. Asking "Whos that?" and told "Nobody" or some **** like that. Liying and secrecy = suspicous, dont ya think?!

Dragan

I agree that any relationship needs to be built on trust. The only time the whole "texting someone else" thing every got to me was with an ex of mine. She would be just in the door, or I would be just over in hers and the phone would come out and she would spend the whole time texting other people. It's really just kind of rude to be honest. I'm a "have a conversation with the person in the room" kind of guy, and while I will upon occasion have to send a text or call someone who is not there I don't sit buried in my phone all the time.

It's more manners than anything else.

Sleepy

Don't get the paranoia about this at all tbh.

Most of my exes are still good friends bar one whose current boyfriend has essentially told her she's not allowed to be friends with her exes :rolleyes: Personally I can't believe the immaturity of it, I've never had a problem with girlfriends having male friends.

Raekwon

Like most people have said it is all down to trust. But that doesn't mean that the green eyed monster won't rear it's ugly head at some stage, even though you might really trust the person.

I trust my gf and I have trusted most of my ex's (-ish), but I have been guilty of checking their phones on some occasions when I feel that something might be up Of course what ever is on there (texts from an ex, work colleges, friends etc.) could be very innocent but some people would most likely blow it out of proportion and think the very worst. I guess it is just one of those normal things that crop up in a relationship, you have just got to deal with it and get on with it without getting all paranoid and turning into Colombo :rolleyes:

Mrs_Doyle

If my BF is texting an ex, or a girl pal, thats cool.
If he is texting an ex who wants him back, and has said so, or texting a girl who has more clear that she is interested in him.... no, I wouldn't like that.

My bloke has an ex who asked him to get back with her, 3 yrs after they split, while I was standing 5 feet away from him..... would I like him txting her? Eh, NO! Not unless it's to tell her what a horrible, fat, ugly, stalker she is

NeMiSiS

Couldn't care less as long as she aint riding them.
TK

BaZmO*

Women are allowed to have mobile phones now? hmmmm....

I wouldn't have a proplem with it and never did have a problem with it in the past. It's just a trust thing.
If you've got a problem with your partner texting people it's just a symptom of some other problem imo.

CathyMoran wrote:

He does know the two ex's that I am friends with and is separatly friends with one of them and was with the other one.

JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

CathyMoran

BaZmO* wrote:

Women are allowed to have mobile phones now? hmmmm....

I wouldn't have a proplem with it and never did have a problem with it in the past. It's just a trust thing.
If you've got a problem with your partner texting people it's just a symptom of some other problem imo.


JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

Thats because he took me from him, no biggie, am trying to get them back to be friends now as my ex is married and we will be married in 4 weeks.

I have to accept equally that my fiancee has female friends, I must admit to not liking it but I have to put up with it because of my male friends.

axer

CathyMoran wrote:

I do keep my fiancee fully informed and am careful to his feelings about that.

That is it. I wouldn't have any problem with my girlfriend texting other guys per se but if she kept it a secret from me or was very secretive about the content of the texts then there would be a problem.

I couldn't be in a relationship whereby I and/or my girlfriend had their own private lives - it doesn't make sense to me. Either you are in the relationship together or not.

BaZmO*

CathyMoran wrote:

Thats because he took me from him, no biggie, am trying to get them back to be friends now as my ex is married and we will be married in 4 weeks.

I have to accept equally that my fiancee has female friends, I must admit to not liking it but I have to put up with it because of my male friends.

I'm only after copping on to what you meant.

I thought you meant that your current bf was "with" (in the Biblical sense) one of your ex's!

Either way, the whole situation does sound complicated.

melekalikimaka

i do it all the time, i text my ex(5 years as an ex now) more times than my gf EVERYDAY, but I'd still be pissy if my gf did it, 9 times out of ten ya know if the ex is being texted, theres something going down, i know thats not the case with me, but i think thats a rare case.

after all my posts in AH and PI i'm thinking of asking my name to be changed to
MELE"doublestandards"KALIKIMAKA

Sully

axer wrote:

That is it. I wouldn't have any problem with my girlfriend texting other guys per se but if she kept it a secret from me or was very secretive about the content of the texts then there would be a problem.

I couldn't be in a relationship whereby I and/or my girlfriend had their own private lives - it doesn't make sense to me. Either you are in the relationship together or not.

Ya thats probably a good sums up. Now my gf has her phone password protected (wouldnt mind that on mine - nice feature) and she keeps the password to herself - doesnt bother me to much. Always been that case, even when we were not in a relationship. Tis about trust I guess!

In addition to that, I agree with an earlier posters comment that if the ex wanted to get back with her or whatever -- then I wouldnt like it. Think thats where the line shouldnt be crossed. Espicaly if she doesnt tell the ex shes with him!

Do you think that male friends inviting female friends to family weddings is a bit freaky? With the whole atmosphere etc. Id most likely think that if some girl was with a fella at a wedding that they were in a relationship. Probably just me tho.. just think thats what weddings are all about?

Cant think of anyother occasions.. I know a friend didnt like her bf (now an ex) going out drinking with his ex and not passing on an invite (or even telling her!). Kinda shocked when he told me he wouldnt tell her as its more his business and nothing she should really care about! And now their broken up :P

Raskolnikov

I wouldn't mind my gf texting other guys, however . . .

1. She shouldn't be texting any other man as much as she texts me.
2. She shouldn't text any other fella who has an interest in her.

That same behaviour would apply to me as well.

Tar.Aldarion

I have no problem with it, because otherwise I would have to stop texting other girls.

Diarmsquid

I'd be sceptical.
If it's just a mutual friend you know and trust. It's fine.
But in any other circumstance, I'd have an eye out.

jellie

DublinEvents wrote:

Most girls simply cannot be trusted. So you have to take matters into your own hands and keep them from harming you.

yes. never trust a girl. ever :rolleyes:

arybvtcw0eolkf

Sully04 wrote:

Myself and some friends were chatting about things there girlfriends / ex's have done in the past that bugged them. One of the most debated things was if she was texting other lads that she wasn't that friendly with - just random guys who text her etc. Im on the bench about the whole thing - I think it depends on the circumstances, otherwise it might be a little bit over-protective.

So I was wondering, what do you guys think? Would you like the idea of your girlfriend texting other fellas (even if she knew them a long time, such as her ex or a guy who fancies her and has been trying to get with her etc)? Or would it depend?

Mods: Hope this is in the right place, feel free to move it if not. Just a general "survey" as such - interested to see what others think!

Cheers

Texting male friends wouldn't bother me at all.

But I'd snap if she was texting an ex. Other than that she's free to do whatever she wants.

madhitchhiker

i don't mind him texting other girls. i'm too beautiful to be worried with that stuff.

Hail 2 Da Chimp

Tar.Aldarion wrote:

I have no problem with it, because otherwise I would have to stop texting other girls.

Have you never heard of the words "double standards"? :rolleyes:

Rabies

Hail 2 Da Chimp wrote:

Have you never heard of the words "double standards"? :rolleyes:

I think Tar's post was to be taken with a pinch of humour.

It wasn't me!

Couldn't care less to be honest, even if the person does want to get back with them or whatever, as if you're so insecure in your faith in your relationship that you think a texting relationship with someone else is enough to break it down, get a new significant other frankly. They're either with you or they're not, learn not to be suspicious like that and get over petty ****, you both have lives to lead that run concurrently, but not in conjunction with, your romantic relationship.

i dont see what the problem is
i'm friends with a couple exes and i text them
my bf is housemates with an ex of his

but we trust each other so much that it's not even in question of being an issue
some people are too insecure =/

BaZmO*

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

I know with my BF, and his ex beggin him to get back with her, when I was standing no more then 5 foot away, AND they had broken up 3 years previously, AND me and him had been together that entire time.... well, I am not insecure about my relationship, that would not be the reason that I wouldn't want my bloke texting her, the reason I wouldn't want him texting her is because she is a disrespectful, fat, slutty, bitch!!!!

(Yeah, I have the claws out!)

Why did you have to post that twice?

Mrs_Doyle

Ooops, sorry, didn't realise I had. It has been deleted now!

Chinafoot

Sully04 wrote:

Do you think that male friends inviting female friends to family weddings is a bit freaky? With the whole atmosphere etc. Id most likely think that if some girl was with a fella at a wedding that they were in a relationship. Probably just me tho.. just think thats what weddings are all about?

Why would that be freaky? If they're friends then what's the big deal? Just because other people might wrongly assume that they're a couple doesn't mean anything will definitely happen between them on the night.

The whole thing seems to boil down to whether or not you believe that men and women can have platonic relationships. Personally I think yes, they definitely can as I have plenty of male friends that I have never had any romantic ideas about and never would. I know my boyfriend is the same.

Sully04 wrote:

I know a friend didnt like her bf (now an ex) going out drinking with his ex and not passing on an invite (or even telling her!). Kinda shocked when he told me he wouldnt tell her as its more his business and nothing she should really care about!

Now there would be major slaps if my boyfriend was up to that crap. I would have no problem with him being friends with an ex or going drinking with an ex but that attitude of "it's none of her business, why should I tell her?" is ridiculous. I'm not saying you need to report everything you do to your other half but secrecy like that would definitely rouse suspicion and possibly damage the relationship.

Minto

I think its mostly a matter of trust, tbh! You either trust her or you don't! Simple! Personally, i've never cared if she texts an ex or some other fella. If shes flirting with someone else, shes obviously not happy in her current relationship, so just let her go!

BaZmO*

Mrs_Doyle wrote:

Ooops, sorry, didn't realise I had. It has been deleted now!

Haha. No worries!

It just looked like you had serious issues.

Actually, maybe you do!

Mrs_Doyle

BaZmO* wrote:

Haha. No worries!

It just looked like you had serious issues.

Actually, maybe you do!

Lol, you could be right there.