Islam: role of the mother in child discipline

ChilliNuts

Hi,

I've been having noise problems with the children of a foreign-national Muslim family living next door. This isn't the forum to discuss that issue, I know, but it's relevant to my question.

Last night I knocked on the door to complain, and because the father was absent (as is the case most of the time) and the mother refuses to come to the door, I ended up speaking to the eldest kid myself.

He told me that I'll just have to put up with the noise because they are allowed to do whatever they want when the father is out of the house. He indicated that his mother has no authority over the children.

I'm wondering if he was just having me on, or is it the case that it is the responsibility solely of the father to enforce child discipline in the Muslim family unit?

Apologies for my ignorance, any advice appreciated.

Hobbes

The kid was taking the p!ss to be honest. AFAIR it is up to the father to ensure the children are raised as Muslims but doesn't mean they can do what they like when he's not at home. Also as I recall the mother has the duty of ensuring the children are raised properly.

Even so they still have to obey local laws. More here.

http://www.oasis.gov.ie/environment/noise_regulations.html

Approach the person or business responsible for the noise and try to reach a mutually acceptable solution. You may find that they were not aware of the nuisance and in most cases, this will resolve the problem.

If you have tried to resolve the problem amicably and this has not worked, you may then refer your complaint to your local authority, or you can take your complaint directly to your local District Court or the Environmental Protection Authority.

ChilliNuts

Thanks for the pointers Hobbes.

To be honest, reaching an amicable solution is very difficult because the father has zero English. We asked the Community Garda but they have no interpreter available.

So I plan to write a letter (in English) to the father, in the hope that he has a friend who can translate it for him. (Hopefully he won't just get the kids to translate it for him!!)

FriarMo

Hello Chillinuts,

As a Muslim (albeit a very lapsed one) I concur with Hobbes- the kids were taking the piss and moreover the disdain they show there mother and yourself is appalling and is just bad manners no two ways about it. There’s an often cited poem in Arabic that basically translates as this:

A mother is a school[for her childern] -if she is well prepared then you will have prepared for a model society.

Another one which is a saying by Mohammed goes:

Heaven is beneath the feet of mothers
i.e. The road to heaven includes obedience to your mother.

And I think this one highlights a mother’s important even more:

'O Messenger of God who is most deserving of my respect and honour?' He said, 'your mother.' I then said, 'who is most deserving of my respect and honour?' He said, 'your mother.' I then said, 'who is most deserving of my respect and honour?' He said, 'your mother.' I said, 'who is most deserving of my respect and honour?' He said, 'your father'"

The emphases was on the mother 3 times…I hate quoting scripture because I think common sense and reason should lead people to act in a decent way especially in a civil society like ours and not something learned by rote that can be interpreted any which way but I hope you have some idea now of how mothers should be treated in an Islamic context

I get incensed whenever I hear of co-religionists adding to the rosy picture that we already have with the wider community (!?!)… If anything we should be more careful in fostering good relations with our neighbours and trying to have a positive impact on the wider community. If the family happens to be Arabic I would be more than happy to right a courteous but firm letter asking them to respect your right for peace and quite in your own home.