Just don't know how exactly to deal with...

scojones

seamus wrote:

That's pretty much how I feel. Even a drunken kiss I couldn't forgive. It would just sit there like a thorn in my side and eventually break the whole relationship down, no matter how much I wished to forgive the other party.

To be honest, it sounds like maybe she is crazy about you but there's this early-twenties, sexually awakened little girl who gets released when she opens herself up. This kind of thing will continue. How low will she have to go before you get rid of her? STDs? Pregnancy?

I'm the same as you. I'd find it hard to forgive a drunken kiss. A shag? Definitely not, no way I could forgive. Then a BJ? A Blowjob is even worse than her shagging somebody. I actually don't think I could kiss her without that crossing my mind.

I am very trustworthy. I have never cheated, and never will. I always give my other half as much room as they need, and I'm never jealous. A drunken kiss, maybe just maybe I could forgive... but no way could I ever forgive someone I was going out with for going down on another guy. Never. I don't care if she cried enough to fill a swimming pool. She did it, it's her fault. Tough titties as far as I'm concerned. Sure, ending it would be very hurtful for both me and her, but she should have thought of that before she let someone elses penis into her mouth.
Think about it, someone is extremely hot and you kiss them when you're drunk. That might be understandable, but what sort of mentality would a girl going out with someone have to have to go down on a guy? I mean... at what stage did she think "you know, I'd love to suck his cock".
There is just no way on earth you can suck another mans' penis and compare it to a drunken kiss. A kiss is one thing, it might last very briefly, but in fairness giving head is a totally different matter. You're some man for not dumping her.

EDIT: Can someone please clean up this thread to remove CuLT's post, we don't need to know what she looks like and we don't need to know her name on boards. And also clean up the posts with Havok's name and her name please? Thanks.

turbot

Havok,

I always think it's important to ask questions before coming to conclusions:

1) How old is she?

2) What had she drunken / taken when these things happened?

(This part is especially important ... if she was deliriously high she may not have had much self control - if she rarely drinks and got really drunk and stoned and did a line of coke... etc she may of been out of her head)


3) How did each scenario play out?

Eg: Did a guy kiss her and she almost kissed him back and then stopped? Or was it a slow drawn out snog over the course of the night?

Eg: She was so drunk and in a pressured situation that she just went along with it?


4) What is she prepared to do to commit? How is she sure this will never happen again? Will she give up alcohol, etc?


The answers to part 2 and 3, for me, would give the information to know how to proceed.

Also, if she's in her early 20's, it could be that she's just really curious... and wants to explore to confirm if you're the one. If this is the case... maybe breaking up would be smart.

Once you've clarified all of this, based upon your own gut feeling, choose whats best for your future, and remember, there are many worthwhile women out there.


Unreg12345678 - while damaging people is not smart - it sounds like you flipped and had reasonable grounds for doing so. i hope you find your happiness, whereever and whatever that might be.

MojoMaker

Havok, I don't know if this will help, but I hope it does.

Re-reading your opening post again and again I am now more convinced than ever that your girlfriend did not engage in oral sex with anyone else.

One thing that seems pretty clear is that your girlfriend consciously or subconsciously wants out of the relationship. She doesn't however have the courage to look you in the eye and voice this. She resorts to sabotaging the relationship in the hope that you will take the decisive action for the two of you.

She may have kissed someone else, yes it's possible, even likely from the sabotage angle. Telling you about it however is the next step in the sabotage process, the clincher as far as she's concerned. To her dismay though you take the news on the chin and suggest that it can be 'worked out'.

She stalls, not knowing what to do. Her best friend Sinead was convinced that telling you she snogged someone would do it, deffo. She realises you're made of sterner stuff and aren't prepared to cast aside your relationship over something as superficial as a kiss.

She's goes back to Sinead with the bad news. With both heads together they decide to ring Ciara - she's a nasty bit of work, and not really a friend of theirs, but she's flicked dozens of guys in the last year alone. Ciara comes up witth the blowjob scenario and thhe three of them agree - it's time to bring out the big guns.

Shocked and aghast your girlfriend agonises over it for days and days, missing work, staying in bed crying, not eating etc before TEXTING you her misdemeanour :rolleyes:

You still won't give her the flick so now she's running out of ideas. The girls are suggesting that she arrange to be caught in the sack with a randomer (and shure she may as well enjoy it at the same time, but that's not the point). She can't do it though, that would be cheating, and she doesn't want to cheat on you - besides which, she's not that experienced and frankly that kind of stuff can be yucky and fairly embarrassing.

Claire from her Physics class reckons she should run away to Oz for a month - you can get a student ticket out of London for €499 if you know where to look. She has a mate in Sydney that'll see your missus right.

Nevyn

Cult. stop stiring it., unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

TerrorFirmer

I would like to say some wanker posted here, that was not the person involved in this relationship. I did not call her fat and ugly, and unfortunately I cannot address the rest of the message because obviously it has been deleted now. I have obviously talked with the gf about this whole thing long enough to know that what she did, she did not even begin to pretend it was anything other then totally unexplainable and unaccountable for.

and as much as I would love it to be the 'she made it all up' senario envisioned by someone there a page or two back, believe me it did happen.

again, thanks for the advice from everybody.

stingy

Havok never ever ever called me fat, or ugly. What he said was different. He only said he'd prefer if i was in better shape, as he has gotten to healthy, and fit of late.. he's not at all like that. Skies was talking B******T.

what he said is absolutely no excuse for what i did. i dont deserve all these chances. i know i dont. but i do want to try make things work with him. and he wants to try make things work with me too.

what i did was disgraceful, and not the actions of a loving gf. but-
i do love him. with all my heart. i do not want out of this relationship. i cant even begin to understand how i let these things happen. it's horrible.


(for those who are about to post saying "how could you love him and cheat?" don't even bother ok? i do love him. and he knows this.)

Silverfish

Actions speak louder than words.

I can say I love someone all the livelong day, but if I go out and cheat on them that night, all the words in the world won't take it back.

Never mind twice.

Stop saying the words, and actually think about it.

I hate eggs, but I can still tell people I love them. Words mean nothing.

hullaballoo

stingy wrote:

not the actions of a loving gf

Damn right.

i do love him. with all my heart.

Who?

stingy

stingy wrote:

with all my heart.

Your mouth is more in question here

i do not want out of this relationship.

Then you shouldn't have cheated...

in seriousness, how could you expect anyone to trust you ever again?

c - 13

hullaballoo wrote:

Who?

For those of you having trouble with this, as someone linked to the KYN page earlier, <sniip> is the lady in question in this scenario.

hullaballoo

c - 13 wrote:

For those of you having trouble with this, as someone linked to the KYN page earlier, <snip> is the lady in question in this scenario.

It was a rhetorical question, but I'm glad you gave me the chance to make that more obvious.

c - 13

Apologies for going off topic mods - will stop now

Nevyn

Right the OP did not name his gf in any way shape or form and those doing so are out of order.

I am locking this thread for now until Havok can get back to me about what he wants done with it.