[Mental Health/General] Do you tell your employer and if so, when?

nesf

I've no idea if general discussion on mental illness is ok here but I thought this is quite a safe topic for any long term sufferers to discuss since it's an issue for pretty much all of us.


I really don't know tbh, there is a lot of stigma out there about mental illness and it's not necessarily something that's going to come up in the short term (depending on the condition). Should you mention it at the interview stage? Earlier? Or when a situation arises? Or what about never? I don't know tbh, on one hand being upfront and honest can be the best policy (especially if the company openly describes itself as being "mental-health friendly" etc). On the other it could just lose yourself the job (though, tbh, I'm not sure if it's much of a loss in this case).

Personally, I now am quite open and upfront about it and I find out early if it's going to be a major issue or not. I had one too many bad experiences where it came up a month or two into a new job. That said, in my experience, GPs are quite happy to write you "alternative" medical certs simply because of the attitudes that are out there at the moment. I know this isn't particularily ethical but I think that they are trying to help really.

Anyone else with opinions? I'm sure this applies to many conditions outside of mental illness and I'd be interested in hearing about people's opinions.

CathyMoran

I am diabetic and have never mentioned it at interview stage though I am relieved that my employer knows now so that they can give me extra time during exams for promotions. It is a tough call. I did see how a girl was austracised in work just because she suffered from depression, so what and who cares, it is nobodys business - I did what I could but she found it very tough.

Oh and NESF, welcome to the forum, I hope that it is of some use to you.

wexhun

I am not embarressed to tell people that I have mental health "issues" but when it comes to an interview I would definitly say no.
Unfortunatly there is a major stigma attached and the fact that your Dr. is willing to write an alternative cert to your employer which mine has done too in the past shows you that it IS a big deal, after all who wants someone who suffers from depression working for them, regardless of how well its managed, people find it awkward around people who have mental health issues and would rather deal with John who is 6 stone overweight, likes his pints, heavy smoker, heart attack waiting to happen than scary Mary whos might just turn into a basket case! Sorry if I'm being crass, but I really do feel at and interview stage its a no no. Maybe down the line if you feel right I need time out to sort out my health, then sit down with your employer and tell them. Alot of people think that people who have mental health issue are freaks, sit rocking back and forth all day but the majority of us have full active sucessful lives and we manage our health well. None of us asked to be this way just as noone would ask to have diabetes or a heart murmur.

nesf

wexhun wrote:

I am not embarressed to tell people that I have mental health "issues" but when it comes to an interview I would definitly say no.
Unfortunatly there is a major stigma attached and the fact that your Dr. is willing to write an alternative cert to your employer which mine has done too in the past shows you that it IS a big deal, after all who wants someone who suffers from depression working for them, regardless of how well its managed, people find it awkward around people who have mental health issues and would rather deal with John who is 6 stone overweight, likes his pints, heavy smoker, heart attack waiting to happen than scary Mary whos might just turn into a basket case! Sorry if I'm being crass, but I really do feel at and interview stage its a no no. Maybe down the line if you feel right I need time out to sort out my health, then sit down with your employer and tell them. Alot of people think that people who have mental health issue are freaks, sit rocking back and forth all day but the majority of us have full active sucessful lives and we manage our health well. None of us asked to be this way just as noone would ask to have diabetes or a heart murmur.

I pretty much agree with you, I've met with a fair amount of it tbh. Some people seem to be fine, but I remember one time workmates asking me why I mentioned it, making out that it was some attempt at generating sympathy or that I was trying to make them either uncomfortable or worried about criticising me. So, yeah, I completely misjudged that one. Or when you get accused of making it up, that's always bemusing. "But you seem completely normal, you definitely don't have X"...

Some people are fine, and take either no notice of it or try to understand it, but there's a fair percentage of people out there (I believe from experience a minority) who are either uncomfortable with mental illness or worse. I don't mind the ones that are uncomfortable about it but who don't make much of an issue out of it, they are absolutely fine to work with in my experience, but there are others who can make life very difficult. (I'm thinking along the lines of potential constructive dismissal here)

tbh

I told my employer I was diabetic at the interview, but I probably wouldn't again - I'd maybe wait till I got the job. Having said that, tho, if you have a mental (or any!) illness that means it might affect your work, you should probably discuss it early on - who wants the extra stress of an employer on your back?

on the flip side, I'm in Germany till Friday night and I can't find anything to eat - it sucks it seems like anything that moves is compressed into a four-inch thick sausage! no offense to the germans out there, I'm just a really picky eater, and I don't think I'll be able to keep doing this (going somewhere and living on powerade for a week).

robinph

I never made any mention of the diabetes for the current job, but I think within a week of starting I had made sure that all the people that I was actually working with knew and it was never a secret. A previous job had required a medical check from a GP before hand but I doubt that was actually ever looked at by anyone.

CathyMoran

My friend was treated badly by her collegues and bullied just because it became known that she suffered froim depression - I did point it out to my boss but could have got a better response. She is still going through a bad time at the moment and when I ask how she is is very guarded, I am just being a friend but I can understand.

What I would say that I would be careful telling work collegues as they may not understand, I heard of a lot of people slagging her off, obviously I stood up for her and they stopped in front of me but from what I can gather it still went on. I would be greatful if anyone would have any ideas as to how I can help her. I hope that my insight does not hurt anyone. Mental illness is just that, an illness, just like my diabetes, nothing more and it is nothing to be ashamed about but there are a lot of horrible narrow minded people around so it is easier not to put yourself in the firing line.

I cried for a month when a long term relationship broke up in a really bad way and was treated really badly in work during that time - some people are just nasty. I was also treated badly when I cried in work when my mum was very seriously ill, when my gran was dying and when I was told that I probably had cancer...grr, I had just cause but again, people are nasty.

nesf

CathyMoran wrote:

some people are just nasty.

Yes, it's a fact of life unfortunately. Doesn't mean we can't hunt the bastards down though and make them pay....

User45701

CathyMoran wrote:

It is a tough call. I did see how a girl was austracised in work just because she suffered from depression, so what and who cares, it is nobodys business - I did what I could but she found it very tough.

depression is an odd one, i don't care what anyone says i don't care how many years they have studied depression or anything like that.
I do not like to see someone with depression or hear of someone with it for the simple reason that EVERYONE is different.

An example, say i have bad depression but i am a strong person mentally and can hide or control or deal with it to some extent, Now say that you suffer from depression, its not as bad as mine but you are weaker mentally and yours effects you more than mine effects me. This is what i don't like about depression with a illness for example both of us suffering from a wasting illness there is clear evidence of who`s is worse. The illness would effect me more because i am physically weaker, not fit and am a smoker. There is reason and purpose on why a wasting illness effects some more than others. However with a mental illness it is in my view impossible to gauge who`s is worse.

Im sorry if this offends anyone btw i know that depression is a very sensitive subject

robinph

I can see that one would probably need to be a bit more careful before disclosing details of a mental illness/ depression to your employer or co-workers. If I tell those around me that I have diabetes then nothing that can be said or done can actually effect my diabetes in anyway, but with something like depression then the possibility of what others reaction to that may then be could actually effect your condition more directly. I guess you just need to take each case individually to know if anything positive is to be gained by telling those that you work with, but if it's not going to effect your work directly then there is no need to tell them anything.

Marksie

I dont know if this is off topic but we had a talk in the civil servive yesterday about employing people with disabilities and the civil service has a quota to fill of 3%.

Interestingly Depression and mental illness IS classified as a disability.
So is long term chronic viral illnesses.

We are being asked to declare any disability to fill this quota. Its in legislation and we are going to be asked to voluntarily declare it.

Having read Cathys post about about the discrimination due to depression, how would anyone voluntarily declare something like this.

I asked if any provision had been made to protect the rights of the individual and was told no. That it was all theory and that no-one knew what would happen. No-one knew, and yet this is law.

I asked what about someone who is HIV positive... to all intents and purposes they will be well for many many years.

If they decalre this..i can see real issues with discrimination, bullying and stress as his disease has such an unjustifiable stigma attached to it.

If they dont get this voluntarily i have real worries they make this mandatory.

nesf

User45701 wrote:

An example, say i have bad depression but i am a strong person mentally and can hide or control or deal with it to some extent, Now say that you suffer from depression, its not as bad as mine but you are weaker mentally and yours effects you more than mine effects me. This is what i don't like about depression with a illness for example both of us suffering from a wasting illness there is clear evidence of who`s is worse. The illness would effect me more because i am physically weaker, not fit and am a smoker. There is reason and purpose on why a wasting illness effects some more than others. However with a mental illness it is in my view impossible to gauge who`s is worse.

Im sorry if this offends anyone btw i know that depression is a very sensitive subject

See, mental illness doesn't have absolute values like that really. Depression, for instance, is really only "measureable" in terms of how much it reduces the person's quality of life. If you have depression but it doesn't mess your life up that much then it's a problem but not an enormous one. If another person has depression but it really ****s their life up (they can't leave the house, can't sleep or whatever) then it is a much worse problem for them.

The severity of the illness, in my honest opinion, is really something to be examined in how it affects the sufferer's quality of life. I don't that it makes much sense to talk about it in terms of severity outside of this. Being able to deal with the symptoms makes the condition less severe in my view in comparisson to other people. An illness' effect on your quality of life is the key factor.

The quality of life view allows you to, some extent, see who is worse off with the illness. It doesn't say anything about relative abilities to deal with the illness or mental strenght or how a person copes though. There is a test and scale for it, iirc. It can be used to judge a person's reaction to medication or therapy for instance. For instance my quality of life was pretty **** for many years, but then when they put me on the right drugs it returned to where most people are. Has my condition improved or gone away? I don't think the question is relevant, the only thing that matters is that my life is better now.


The big issue for me is that some people talk up their depression an awful lot. These are the ones who annoy me. Unless you know something about their personal life it's very hard to judge to what extent it affects their life. These people give other sufferer's with genuine difficulties a bad name/stigma.

*shrugs*

wexhun

WRT your friend at work who you know suffers from depression, if it was me I wouldn't want to be treated any differently. My situation was that I was out from work for a LONG time with depression and I got treatment and am managing my condition very well (if I do say so myself) but when I came back to work I was honest with my friends and told them I was severly depressed. I had a few types of response the friends who said "well I'm glad your back now get back to work and make up for the time youve had off you lazy sod" with a laugh and just got on with it. Then I had the people who just didn't feel they could talk to me any more and the others who keep coming up and asking if I'm alright, they might say something not thinking like "oh are you trying to kill yourself with all that overtime" and then realise they might have caused offense and start apoligising over and over again until you want to scream, "I'm not a bleedin basket case". Listen the depression that I have is a physical illness caused by an imbalance of chemicals in my brain. With medication I am OK most of the time, sometimes that medication needs tweaking but I am managing but I will be on meds for the rest of my life. If I met you for a night out I gaurantee you you would NEVER think I suffered from depression and I bet there are people you know and love who suffer privately from depression but never let on. WHY, because its soo TABOO. Its a mental health thing....OOOOHH SCARY person needs a strait jacket...sorry I'm just teasing gone totaly of the subject....listen to cut to the chase IMO tell your close friends and fasmily and thats all that needs to know they love you enough to know you!;)

CathyMoran

wexhun wrote:

WRT your friend at work who you know suffers from depression, if it was me I wouldn't want to be treated any differently.

I just went up to her and was friendly, like I would be to anyone, she is just (understandably) mistrusting of people after what has happened to her. Any sign of any emotion in work is frowned upon which is sad.

I do think that medical issues are not relevant to work unless they actually affect your work, sure, I would tell close work collegues that I am diabetic but that is it.

wexhun

I knnow CathyMoran that you are coming from the heart and you are the type of friend that I'm sure that this person appreciates, now that she knows that you have acknowledged her in that you've heard all the "talk" and are still willing to be her friend. If only the world was filled with more empathic people. I'm glad she has a collegue like you.:)

lostexpectation

User45701 wrote:

depression is an odd one, i don't care what anyone says i don't care how many years they have studied depression or anything like that.
I do not like to see someone with depression or hear of someone with it for the simple reason that EVERYONE is different.

An example, say i have bad depression but i am a strong person mentally and can hide or control or deal with it to some extent, Now say that you suffer from depression, its not as bad as mine but you are weaker mentally and yours effects you more than mine effects me. This is what i don't like about depression with a illness for example both of us suffering from a wasting illness there is clear evidence of who`s is worse. The illness would effect me more because i am physically weaker, not fit and am a smoker. There is reason and purpose on why a wasting illness effects some more than others. However with a mental illness it is in my view impossible to gauge who`s is worse.

Im sorry if this offends anyone btw i know that depression is a very sensitive subject

its strange way to talk about people being mentally 'weaker' with their depression, whats that supposed to mean?

I don't understand what ya mean about people bullying people with depression, did they lack patience with the person?

LegacyUser

Personally I would never mention it to an employer. I try not to let depression affect my life too much. There are 3 people in the world who are aware I have it. I can't go to a doctor because last time I was told I was just attention seeking. Because of that I would not say it to an employer or anyone for fear of seeming as if I was. I can function like any normal person and can control it if needs be. I will drag myself to work, put on my happy face then come home and collapse and let it all out. Admittedly staying quiet can be very difficult when you're going through a down time. Even the friend I begged for help from decided he had more important things to do (go out and have fun with friends) than help me get through this. I guess if you got into a bad patch and felt like you would be unable to perform at work then you could tell your boss in order to not lose your job. It could go either way really, they could understand it fully or else class you as a crazy, attention seeking drama queen. I just have lost a lot of faith in people since they don't want to know if you have depression.

nesf

hfsdjfksdf wrote:

I can't go to a doctor because last time I was told I was just attention seeking.

Try a different doctor.

That said, if you are still able to work around it and life functions fairly well then it doesn't need to be anything that you'd have to bring up with your employer in my opinion.

LegacyUser

I know. Thing is without support I'm starting to let it get to me in a big way to the point that I spend all my spare time doing nothing. Wouldn't mind anti depressants to help me so I could get back to focussing on what I used to enjoy. Even a doctor can make you feel embarassed about it and as if you're completely over reacting. Spending all your spare time in bed crying does not equal a healthy, balanced person. I cannot pull myself out of it at the moment.

nesf

jfkhsdjfldj wrote:

I know. Thing is without support I'm starting to let it get to me in a big way to the point that I spend all my spare time doing nothing. Wouldn't mind anti depressants to help me so I could get back to focussing on what I used to enjoy. Even a doctor can make you feel embarassed about it and as if you're completely over reacting. Spending all your spare time in bed crying does not equal a healthy, balanced person. I cannot pull myself out of it at the moment.

Have you tried going to an AWARE meeting or going to a councillor or therapist? Anti-depressants aren't the only route available to you.

LegacyUser

I feel it'd be more helpful if the people around me helped but they don't really care so I don't know. Maybe. Just don't like telling my personal thoughts to people if they know who I am. It's fine for me to do it anonomously but I would not say it out loud to someone who I've never met before. The counsellor thing ended up in disaster last time. He seemed to be convinced I had issues with my weight which I didn't. Everything was twisted back to him asking if I was uncomfortable with my weight. I didn't realise size 12 constitutes a weight problem these days! I just find it hard to spill my innermost thoughts to someone who doesn't know me that's why at this point it seems like anti depressants would be the best option.

nesf

Well, the only advice I can give you is to not get your mind set on taking antidepressants and against counselling or therapy. Only a medical profession could tell you whether or not medication would help you (they aren't a magic bullet, believe me) and a different counsellor might be the trick. I'd say try talking to a different GP about it and see how things go from there, but starting an interview by saying that you think you need drugs where you've never been on them before isn't a very good idea.