22-year old virgin

LegacyUser

Clue's in the title folks! Starting to get a bit freaked out.
I never thought it was a big deal that I was a virgin, was just sort of waiting for the right person, but I think that maybe I'm being a bit picky. I'm not ugly and have had the opportunity but it has never felt right.

Now I'm worried that when I do meet someone I want to have sex with that they'll think it's weird that I'm still a virgin and think that I'm frigid or something. I'm not, I just amn't in the business of slutting around. So is it weird? What do the guys reading this think?

Rb

Don't worry, the majority of guys will like it tbh and its not weird at all.
You'll be more glad that you kept it for someone special.

DonkeyStyle \o/

It's only a big issue if you make it one.

Crucifix

I wouldn't worry about it; I don't think the vast majority of guys would be bothered by it.

rugbug86

if you wait for someone you care about, surely that will make it more special for both of you if he knows that you're a virgin cos you're waiting for someone special, no?

Seraphina

Unreg-girl wrote:

Now I'm worried that when I do meet someone I want to have sex with that they'll think it's weird that I'm still a virgin and think that I'm frigid or something.

you're 22 and you still use this word? you're clearly not ready to be having sex, so there's no need to worry about it.
i'm sorry but that something kids slag each other about. seriously, why they hell are you worried about what others think of you? people are so silly

Carrigart Exile

Unreg-girl wrote:

Clue's in the title folks! Starting to get a bit freaked out.
I never thought it was a big deal that I was a virgin, was just sort of waiting for the right person, but I think that maybe I'm being a bit picky. I'm not ugly and have had the opportunity but it has never felt right.

Now I'm worried that when I do meet someone I want to have sex with that they'll think it's weird that I'm still a virgin and think that I'm frigid or something. I'm not, I just amn't in the business of slutting around. So is it weird? What do the guys reading this think?

It snot an issue either way, but you are wise to keep special things for special people in your life.

kdouglas

Seraphina wrote:

you're 22 and you still use this word? you're clearly not ready to be having sex, so there's no need to worry about it.
i'm sorry but that something kids slag each other about. seriously, why they hell are you worried about what others think of you? people are so silly

you should really try to understand the meaning of words before slagging other people about their use:

frig·id /ˈfrɪdʒɪd/ [frij-id]
–adjective
1. very cold in temperature: a frigid climate.
2. without warmth of feeling; without ardor or enthusiasm: a frigid reaction to the suggested law.
3. stiff or formal: a welcome that was polite but frigid.
4. (of a woman)
a. inhibited in the ability to experience sexual excitement during sexual activity.
b. unresponsive to sexual advances or stimuli.

OP: as has been said, it's only as big a deal as you make it. If your waiting for the right person, then wait. Dont go rushing into something youll regret.

LegacyUser

Anyone worth your time will feel honoured and special that you waited for them. Don't worry about it!

TerrorFirmer

I can't understand how you feel this is a big issue - granted, it's easy to understand a person having issues with it for their own sake, but in terms of the larger picture and relationships, no man would find it 'weird'. Unusual maybe, but in the good sense of the word, believe me. You should be proud, its admirable to see someone so determined to not let it go cheaply. Well, that of course, is in my opinion.

You said yourself, you didn't think it was that big a deal - and it isn't, by any stretch.

CathyMoran

You are 22 and still a virgin - this is hardly a big deal though from experience it will be something that guys will appreciate. Wait until you meet someone special to loose it to, it will make it even more special. I was lucky enough to loose it to my fiancee when I was 24 (am 32 now). There is nothing wrong in waiting.

padser

Unreg-girl wrote:

[in proper context]
frigid

Perfectly acceptable word, dont read nonsensical comments.

To be honest I'd say you just need to be a little less picky and you will be fine. Dont worry about it, just get it over with before it becomes too big a deal.

Seraphina

kdouglas wrote:

you should really try to understand the meaning of words before slagging other people about their use:



OP: as has been said, it's only as big a deal as you make it. If your waiting for the right person, then wait. Dont go rushing into something youll regret.

i understand the meaning of the word perfectly. but its used in a very silly way imo. like i said i remember it being a way of taunting people when i was in primary school, and my point was its silly to be worried about what people will think about you. there's no point in doing something just so people dont think you're 'frigid' or whatever label you're worried about giving yourself.

Laslo

Not a big deal to be honest. Not a deal at all actually so don't worry about it.

Faith

Seraphina wrote:

i understand the meaning of the word perfectly. but its used in a very silly way imo. like i said i remember it being a way of taunting people when i was in primary school, and my point was its silly to be worried about what people will think about you. there's no point in doing something just so people dont think you're 'frigid' or whatever label you're worried about giving yourself.

No, you're still misunderstanding the word. The OP is no longer 10 and being "frigid" does not refer to her not ever having kissed anyone.

OP, there's a thread somewhere in AH, last updated in about July, I think, about losing your virginity. The majority of voters were still virgins when they voted (22% or something). That might help put your mind at rest. There was also a user who posted about how she was waiting for that special someone, and when the thread was brought up again a year later, she'd found him .

I understand your frustration, but you've waited this long! Good on you for not giving into peer pressure or whatever. I've heard horror stories of the way people lost their virginity because they got desperate, don't become one of them!

LegacyUser

Thank you all for the replies. I never really let it bother me before, it's just some stupid comment a guy made to me that made me question myself. I used to think it was a good thing, but he made me feel like it was something to be ashamed of. Plus it always seems to be the more promiscuous girls that get the guys!

Black Swan

You've got a special gift to give some lucky guy...YOU!

Talliesin

Frankly I'm inclined to agree with seraphina (and also on the phrase "slutting around") but alas some people do have sex a good time before they grow out of such phrases (sometimes by 60 years or more).

Still the whole reason such words tend to indicate an immature person is that they suggest someone not understanding that sexuality is deeply individual and there is no one universal correct time (whether in terms of age, how long you've been with someone, or how you react to other factors that can affect your decision here) and is hence quick to label others for differing from them.

As such what I'd say to the OP is that whether you go out and shag the first half-decent looking bloke tomorrow, remain a virgin to your dying day, or anything in between is something to decide based on your own feelings and thoughts about what sex means to you, not because you're a couple of years over the average (though still in the bulge of the bell-curve).

Time Magazine

Faith wrote:

No, you're still misunderstanding the word.

The majority of voters were still virgins when they voted (22% or something).

Don't worry about it, my dad is in his 60s and he says he's still a virgin.

Lorax

bla bla its not a big deal your great etc

Overheal

Why is it, that in todays society female virgins are considered as something desireable, where in men its considered almost weird? If youre still worried about it dear, lets just pick a room go nuts

LegacyUser

'To Seraphina, regarding the word "frigid", if you read Faith's post, she hit the nail on the head. I'm not in the school-yard talking about kissing boys. Frigid is a perfectly acceptable word, not one I use often, but appropriate for the context.

To Talliesin, I looked at your public profile, do you not think the discrepency over phrases may be the fact that you are 30 and I am 22? No offence intended, but this is a term my friends would also use occassionally. I assure you that I am mature for my age and I think it's foolish to pick up on a couple of phrases and assume you can judge how mature someone is!

To everyone else who posted, thank you for the responses, I know it's not a really big deal, I just wanted to see what the majority of people out there thought without talking to people I know about it.'

Seraphina

Faith wrote:

No, you're still misunderstanding the word. The OP is no longer 10 and being "frigid" does not refer to her not ever having kissed anyone.

errr no i'm ****ing not.
i'm very aware what the word means and yes she used it in the proper context. but the fact remains that she uses it because she's worried some people will label her that way.

clearly she herself is not pushed about having sex, but bowing to peer pressure and the worry that she may be seen as different or weird or whatever. her only concern with this whole thread is how others view her, and when it comes to something like sex, yes that in my opinion, makes her a bit immature.

edit : feck, Talliesin said it much better than me.

hullaballoo

I don't mean to be harsh on this, but I'm with Seraphina and Talliesin on this.

If you're still that influenced by "some stupid comment a guy made" to you, then you'd need to really consider whether you're mature enough to handle the emotional side of having sex for the first time.

My first time was very much everything you would want - stable, long-term relationship with the "right" person - but even then the emotions can be tough to deal with the first few times. And I'm a guy.

Don't let how other people think bear any influence over decisions you make about yourself. By 22, you should be well-aware of that particular safeguard.

CuLT

Unlike a lot of other people here, I'm not going to be preachy. As a twentysomething guy, I don't see virginity of girls into their twenties as something weird.

Overheal

I'd find that a bit weird personally but thats because Im American: everyone I know back home has had no sense of morals since they were 14 :P They know if something goes wrong they could just fall back on an abortion... jokes on them though, they're all emotional trainwrecks

Its actually encouraging to see people wait; too often these days youths (anyone below 25) are being labeled as alchoholic sex addicts with drug problems... wtg everyone!

CuLT

Overheal wrote:

I'd find that a bit weird personally but thats because Im American: everyone I know back home has had no sense of morals since they were 14 :P They know if something goes wrong they could just fall back on an abortion... jokes on them though, they're all emotional trainwrecks

Its actually encouraging to see people wait; too often these days youths (anyone below 25) are being labeled as alchoholic sex addicts with drug problems... wtg everyone!

Honestly, I'd say it's all the latent effects of a catholic upbringing. Even people from Ireland tend to forget that about 80% of the population are Roman Catholic (if not exactly practicing).

Ireland looks more and more like a mini-America in a lot of ways, but there are massively different cultural roots.

darkflower

like what my unmarried aunt says I'm 65 and still a virgin...no problem!:cool:

Talliesin

Unreg-girl wrote:

To Talliesin, I looked at your public profile, do you not think the discrepency over phrases may be the fact that you are 30 and I am 22?

Given that you'll find those terms used by people younger than 10 or older than 90, no I don't think that's it at all.

I'm not rejecting the terms I'm rejecting the concepts.

Now you don't have to, though if you continue to give them credence it'll only last so long. You're now 3 years older than the median age for losing ones virginity in our society and not getting any younger. Sooner or later you'll no longer be able to both keep to the comfort of not thinking for yourself without admitting that there's no way you can hold onto those labels and not have to give yourself the label "frigid".

Reject them and you get to try to express your sexuality in a way that is appropriate to you, your life and your own pursuit of happiness rather than give a **** what some comments any moron makes.

But hey, you can always go out and have joyless sex tonight (hence making you safer from the lable "frigid") then avoid any sexual contact for a few months whether you'd actually want to or not (hence making you safer from the label "slut"). Sooner or later you'll realise that you can actually get labelled "frigid" and "slut" at the same time but maybe you'll be married by then and there's a different variant of the same game for married folk.

I advise you plumb for the doing what's right for you option though.

Unreg-girl wrote:

I know it's not a really big deal, I just wanted to see what the majority of people out there thought

That's your problem right there. You say you know it's not really a big deal, then why the hell do you care what people think. Luckily the majority agree that you need to do what's right for you, but if the majority said "OMG! You haven't have sex yet! What a weirdo!" would you go out and shag the first thing that moves? Similarly if the majority said "Wow, contemplating sex and she isn't even 27 yet, what a slut" would you swear celibacy for the next 5 years?

Doodee

To the OP,

Its nothing major, One of my Ex's was a vigin, i didn't think anything of it. Just make sure that your honest with the guy before hand and dont let him find out for himself.

LegacyUser

I love the way peple say "who cares what people think of you!" when in reality we all care to a certain extent!

My concern doesn't lie with my peers or people on boards, what I care about is the opinion of my next boyfriend. If you don't care about the opinion of your partner you shouldn't be in a relationship. I was worried that they might think it's strange. That is why I was trying to find out if the guys on boards would think it's strange if they were seeing a 22 year old girl who is a virgin. I have morals, so I'm not gonna just give it away because some idiot tells me I'm weird, I'm my own person.

Hullaballo, I find your post pretty condescending, the guy in question was somebody I thought was special, turns out he wasn't, so yes, at the time I took the comment to heart, as would alot of girls in my situation I would imagine. As for handling "the emotional side of having sex" I'm not 14. It's not the having sex I have the problem with, I want to have sex and I'm definitely ready, but it's not going to be with just anyone.

Thirdfox

Head to China sometime... (nearly) all the girls are so chaste - shocked by what I tell them goes on in Ireland! Nearly everyone there is saving themselves for marriage.

Oh well :rolleyes:

tensecyclist

Thirdfox wrote:

Head to China sometime... (nearly) all the girls are so chaste - shocked by what I tell them goes on in Ireland! Nearly everyone there is saving themselves for marriage.

Oh well :rolleyes:

has to do with customs and tradition and morals as well. Most asian countries (i guess) practise it.

DublinEvents

OP, in a land where it is becoming hard to find virgins, consider yourself blessed to be among the very few. Now if you just marry and lose it after marriage, you will be among the privileged few who won't have to suffer God's wrath for breaking His law. And no, contrary to what many people think, humans can't do whatever they like. They only have the illusion of being able to do that. Once you die, you will come to know the full consequences of your actions in your afterlife. Don't do anything you might regret later. And now it would take a miracle for the naysayers not to respond to this post.

Thirdfox

Naysayer here: Hmm... you have a right to give your opinion - I ask that you respect my beliefs (or lack thereof ). As long as the religious group doesn't try to force beliefs down people's throats and present their arguments like you are then I'm quite content.*




*but you're still wrong

tensecyclist: I'm Asian too so I knew what to expect... such a nice change to Ireland where members of the opposite sex often cannot have purely platonic relationships

murrayeel

I just knew Asians giving a big deal with virginity especially so with girls. Isn't that a great pride to men having a virgin wife? Just asking..:rolleyes:

Thirdfox

I think it's more to do with the wife being proud that she has saved herself for the right person. (I can't speak for all Asian males though )

Personally I would place some importance (albeit quite small) on my wife being a virgin - in Ireland that's difficult to achieve though

Beruthiel

murrayeel
tensecyclist
thirdfox

Please read this forums rules and charter regarding taking a thread off topic.

hullaballoo

Unreg-girl wrote:

I love the way peple say "who cares what people think of you!" when in reality we all care to a certain extent!

Personally, I care very little what people think of me, outside of my close friends and family. Thankfully, they all think I'm great.

My concern doesn't lie with my peers or people on boards, what I care about is the opinion of my next boyfriend. If you don't care about the opinion of your partner you shouldn't be in a relationship. I was worried that they might think it's strange. That is why I was trying to find out if the guys on boards would think it's strange if they were seeing a 22 year old girl who is a virgin. I have morals, so I'm not gonna just give it away because some idiot tells me I'm weird, I'm my own person.

You're dead right. I admire you for it, and it's quite attractive (generally speaking) that you've got so much integrity. If I was going out with you, I'd be delighted that you were a virgin. There's absolutely nothing weird about it. There isn't even a stigma.

Hullaballo, I find your post pretty condescending, the guy in question was somebody I thought was special, turns out he wasn't, so yes, at the time I took the comment to heart, as would alot of girls in my situation I would imagine.

I apologise if I was condescending, I really wasn't going for that buzz. It was just my opinion on the scenario as you gave it.

You've changed the scenario somewhat (it now isn't just "some guy"), so I'll change what I have to say: You are dead right (again); that guy wasn't special, and he was probably just trying to make you feel like it was weird so that you'd be under pressure to have sex with him. Probably.

As for handling "the emotional side of having sex" I'm not 14. It's not the having sex I have the problem with, I want to have sex and I'm definitely ready, but it's not going to be with just anyone.

Yeah, fair enough. I'm not disputing that you're ready. As I said, the fact that the person who made that comment meant something to you completely changes my stance on this.

At the same time though, I found that when I had sex for the first time with my girlfriend (who was also a virgin), we both went through some pretty weird feelings about it. It might not happen to everyone. In fact, it might not happen to anyone else, because I've never asked. I was just giving a bit of a heads up.

LegacyUser

im 21 and still a virgin but im glad I didint lose it while completely hammered and to a random stranger, this way when the right girls comes along I will actually be able remember it and I wont be regretting not waiting for the right person.

spinandscribble

heres my story: met a guy, guy said he admired me waiting til i was in love ect. ect. got together as bf/gf, two weeks in to the relationship a complete uturn had happened. he was moaning about his condoms going to waste! he tried to make me think anal "didnt count" ect ect. anything he could think of to get me to change my mind. endless to say i resented him and dumped the twat.
some guys say it wouldnt bother them and that they respect you. dont believe their word 100% until their actions match up. i have no doubt there are guys that dont mind and will wait for you. just let them prove it.

LegacyUser

hullaballoo wrote:

I apologise if I was condescending, I really wasn't going for that buzz. It was just my opinion on the scenario as you gave it.

It's my fault, should have specified that he wasn't just some guy. Thanks for your reply

spinandscribble wrote:

some guys say it wouldnt bother them and that they respect you. dont believe their word 100% until their actions match up.

I know that's true! fair play to you for getting rid of him.

LegacyUser

Hey unreg-girl, I'm a 24 year old male and still a virgin. Like you I think I'm ready for sex but only if its with the right person ... who I haven't found yet. I'm not looking for a virign but if I found out that the person I do eventually do it with was a virgin too I'd be delighted.

So my advice would be relax and just allow things to happen at their own pace. I can assure you that if the guy is worth giving your virginity to he will not have any issues with your viriginity. Also like spinandscribble says if he tries to pressure you into it he's not worth it.

Thirdfox

Beruthiel wrote:

...Please read this forums rules and charter regarding taking a thread off topic.

Will do, apologies.

LegacyUser

'im a 22 yr old virgin. im with my bf a few months & we're working towards sleeping together. in my case, my bf is a virgin too, so its the same for both of us. but i understand the OPs worries.

OP try not to worry about it. you say its not a big deal. but its a big enough deal for you that you havent slept with anyone just for the sake of it, so why would you change your mind now. youve waited this long, dont go rushing into anything just because youre afraid of not being normal or whatever.

Another thing id like to add is you say youre ready, but i think its easier to think you are when youre not in the position to do anything about. i personally thought i was ready a long time ago. but once it became a possibility, i knew i wasnt quite ready emotionally to deal with it. im nearly there now but it wouldve been a mistake to have gone ahead with it a couple of months ago just because yay i had a bf now. obviously i dont know you & its not the same for everyone, & even if you think its not a big deal, at the time it probably will be a big deal (i feel it will for me anyway).'

Dutchology

Dear OP,

Kudos to you for being a virgin. Having sex for the first time is a life-altering decision, one I made too early. I was 18 years old, and looking back, it was the wrong decision. I wish now that I had waited until I met the man with whom I am going to spend the rest of my life. I have met this man, and the difference between having had sex with other men, and now making love to him is astounding, and I really wish I had waited, because the rest of it all is not worth it. These days we are all too eager to give up our bodies to sex, and the emotionality of it all is something we cannot truly comprehend until we meet "the one".

Hold onto what you've got while you still can. I have great respect for you. Frigid? No. Sensible. One day you will understand what I mean when you experience it for yourself, and you will be so much happier for it. Hang in there and pay no heed to what another's opinion of you may be.

Take care....

filthygorgeous

Most guys I know would love to hook up with a virgin! Be proud of it!

dirtyboy

i think the op needs to seperate sex from love. yes sex in relationship is great but at end of day sex is sex. we are animals and its a basic human need same as you need food and drink water. next time you meet a guy on a night out just go for it. remember play safe and have fun.. trust me after a few times, ul wonder why you didn't do it sooner

filthygorgeous

Dirtyboy - interesting advice! I guess different strokes for different folks (no pun intended )....I lost my virginity when I was 16 and have absolutely no regrets, I've had lots of years of fun and experimentation which I'm sure my boyfriend is very thankful for!

Shib

I'm a guy, so maybe this advice is from the wrong side of the fence. But here it is anyway If it's something that concerns you, than maybe you should open up to the possiblity of doing it. In the minds of most reasonable people, this does not make you slutty. However, for your own sake, I'd bear the following in mind.

In order for it to be good and enjoyable, you have to be turned on. Do not do it otherwise. Especially do not do it just to get it done. It will be crap.

Do not do it with another virgin. Apologies to the above poster who's waiting to do it with her bf, but I've never heard of this being successful. Technique and experience are so important.

Make certain the person you're with cares about you. They don't have to be "the one", but if you're trusting them with your first time, they better be in it more for you than them. Most decent guys will understand this.

I've been with two girls who were virgins. I wasn't, so careful and slow was the order of the day. Both experiences were great. The girl had a good time, and more importantly, a positive introduction to sex. I had a great time also. Not like normal sex, but still very enjoyable.

Mrs_Doyle

Hey, I was a 22yr old virgin. Its only a big deal if you make it a big deal, and it certainly isn't going to put guys off you either.