Scousers

drunk_monk

The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday. This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for the Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters. The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment. It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.

However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for!

At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the McClaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the shower.

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Two Scousers are riding along the M62 from Manchester to Liverpool on a motorbike. They break down and start hitching a lift.
A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the scousers ask him for a lift. He tells them that he has no room in the wagon as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls but will take a look at the bike for them. He tries everything he knows but is unable to repair it. Time is getting on now and he's late for his delivery so he tells the scousers he has to leave.
The scousers put it to the driver that if they can manage to fit in the back with the 20,000 bowling balls, will he take them, so he agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their motorbike into the back of the wagon so the driver shuts the doors and gets off on his way. By this time he is really late and so puts his foot down.
Sure enough PC Plod of Greater Manchester Police pulls him up for speeding. The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to which he replies with sarcasm "Scouse eggs". The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. He rushes back to his cruiser and gets onto his radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as possible.
The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that he requires so many officers.

"I've got a wagon with 20,000 Scouse eggs in it - 2 have already hatched and the f**kers have managed to nick a motorbike already

county

not bad at all

Scrotum

First one is very good.

SprostonGreen

A minibus crashes and kills all 12 Scouse passengers.

The scousers arrive at the Pearly gates and are greeted by St. Peter.

This is most odd thinks St. Peter as they’ve never had Liverpudlian entrants before.

He tells them that he better check with God on this matter. So off he goes to God for advice. God clearly taken aback tells St. Peter to ask them to list all the good deeds that they have done in life. St. Peter heads back.

Five minutes later he comes rushing back to God, “eh, God they’ve gone”

“Who?” asks God, “the scousers?”

“No” replies St. Peter, “the Pearly gates!”

Kojak

Ha.

Mad Dog

Classics

Hagar

The best in a while

what do you expect from the eastsiders:D (east Dublin)