Can girls be 'too nice'...

LegacyUser

(sorry, I know this is a trivial problem in comparison with others here....)

So anyway,

In relation to the cliche that nice guys finish last etc...

Guys..what about the other way around... is it a turn off if a girl is way too nice?.

I'm going out with a guy I like alot right now...+ before, I've gone out with someone+ they broke up with me as I was too nice to them (doing too many nice and thoughtful things+ made them feel bad, like they couldn't compete).
I don't want to mess things up this time, by being 'too nice'.
But I can't help being, what some people consisder, being overly nice. (I know this probably sounds ridiculous).

any one in a similar situation???

miamee

Not in a similar situation but I reckon if he found your 'niceness' intimidating or smothering then he wasn't the one for you.

Maybe this new guy will appreciate the fact that you like/love him enough to do thoughtful things for him. Just don't change to suit someone else, be yourself & the right someone will appreciate your 'niceness'!

MonkeyWrench

Did your ex boyfriend actually say that you were too nice and that is the reason why ye are not going out anymore? I doubt that this would be a legitimate reason to break up with someone. If he did tell you well then he was b"ll****ting you. Its not you its me etc etc.
Just be yourself and if your new boyfriend doesn't like it then its his loss.

Miss Fluff

[QUOTE=thankyouuuuuu
I don't want to mess things up this time, by being 'too nice'.
But I can't help being, what some people consisder, being overly nice. (I know this probably sounds ridiculous).[/QUOTE]

I don't really understand what you mean by being "too nice". As in behaving like a doormat? Are you a pushover? Do you let partners away with murder? Do you smother them and buy them teddies every day? In what way are you "too nice". Examples would help us give you advice.

LegacyUser

'I reckon (reading between the lines) he meant that he didn't feel he could reciprocate or that he felt you liked him too much...

All it means is that he wasn't the guy for you. Act normally in a relationship - it's the only way it'll work out! So, no - you can't be too nice!'

Nevyn

I would say it is more his/thier hang up then anything wrong with you.
Some guys have this issue with girls they feel that are nice and that they should respect them and that somehow conflicts with wanting to shag them.

As if wanting to shag a nice girl and do all sorts of sexual things with and to her would be dirty and make her less nice.

Daft.

Be yourself and you will find someone who can be grown up enough to respect you and vaule your niceness and still be able to express how they feel for you.

ferdi

gd2000 wrote:

Act normally

lol.

i think what he means is 'be yourself', which is in itself impossible when in a relationship, because invariably when with another person, who we are changes.

anyhow i think it is possible to be too nice - in a sickly sweet kinda way, people are not nice all the time...think of the simpsons episode when Flanders snaps and goes crazy.

AnonoBoy

If you're 'too nice' in a doormat kind of way and are constantly trying to make sure everything runs smoothly even if it's against what you're feeling inside then it is a problem alright.

But if you're genuinely just a nice person then, what harm in that?

Maybe your ex-boyfriend just wasn't the sort of guy who goes for presents all the time and being doted on by a girl - I know I'm not really into that myself.

whiskeyman

Thaedydal wrote:

Be yourself and you will find someone who can be grown up enough to respect you and vaule your niceness and still be able to express how they feel for you.

Totally agree.
I broke up with my last girlfriend as I knew I was treating her very well (probably above her expectations) and she just never reciprocated it back.
It was never the case I felt she had to 'complete', but whatever was there just wasn't enough.
I know this sounds corny, but I couldn't help it and genuinely loved to treat her well as she meant so much to me.
It was heartbreaking to end it, but I knew I had to.
I'm just hoping someday I'll meet someone who'll appreciate it more.

Static M.e.

Guys..what about the other way around... is it a turn off if a girl is way too nice?.

No, not in the slightest, its definite plus if anything.

I'm going out with a guy I like alot right now...+ before, I've gone out with someone+ they broke up with me as I was too nice to them (doing too many nice and thoughtful things+ made them feel bad, like they couldn't compete).

Thier loss, don't feel bad because you are nice

I don't want to mess things up this time, by being 'too nice'.
But I can't help being, what some people consisder, being overly nice. (I know this probably sounds ridiculous).

You simply need to find someone who is also nice. Don't worry about being "too nice" some people will appreciate it and some won't. Do you really want to be with anyone who A: Doesn't appreciate you and B: Doesnt like being treated well.

Victor

When I was a teenager, my cousin married a woman who was sickly sweet and doted on me. I hated her.

If someone is nice all the time what happens if they have aproblem and can´t be nice for a while?

Will someone love someone for who they are or because they are "nice"?

thebman

thankyouuuuuu wrote:

(sorry, I know this is a trivial problem in comparison with others here....)

So anyway,

In relation to the cliche that nice guys finish last etc...

Guys..what about the other way around... is it a turn off if a girl is way too nice?.

I'm going out with a guy I like alot right now...+ before, I've gone out with someone+ they broke up with me as I was too nice to them (doing too many nice and thoughtful things+ made them feel bad, like they couldn't compete).
I don't want to mess things up this time, by being 'too nice'.
But I can't help being, what some people consisder, being overly nice. (I know this probably sounds ridiculous).

any one in a similar situation???

I think you need to elaborate on what being too nice means.

You say doing too many nice things. Are you nice to just him or are you really nice to everyone in general like this (particularly other guys) as this might be what he meant.

I know there was a girl I was friends with in college and she was incredibly nice and that was the problem most guys had with her. It just seemed like her boyfriends were breaking up with her because she was being too friendly with other guys even though she was obviously not the type to cheat but the fact that she gave so much attention to other guys was something that they just couldn't put up with.

If he thinks you were just being too nice to him then thats pretty much his problem. Of course if your doing everything for him and constantly bombarding him with gifts etc.. then that would be annoying, at least for me (not just because of competing or whatever but because I don't like lots of attention like that all of the time, sometimes I just like to have time for myself).

Is this who you are or how you want to be around your boyfriend or are you just trying to make sure he likes you for fear of him leaving you for not being nice enough?

Maybe providing more info about your ex boyfriend and what went wrong with the relationship or what he was like would be helpful aswell.

Chucky the tree

thankyouuuuuu wrote:

Guys..what about the other way around... is it a turn off if a girl is way too nice?.

Yes.

CathyMoran

I never had problem with guys and I am nice most of the time unless you really push me (aka I am human)...that guy was just being nasty to you and trying to wreak with your head, ignore him.

You need to find a man that deserves you.

Black Swan

Not really sure what you mean by being "too nice." Examples?

Another thing... Everyone is different. Too nice to one, might be just right to another? You have to find your match.

kryan1

I no exactly what u mean, i am a guy that when i was going out with a girl, i would try and do everything for them help them out when ever i could, could never say no to them and just be "nice " to them and where do i end up, yea, u guessed it on the singles heap.

I think its a give and take, i live by the saying treat others the way u'd like them to treat u. Still waiting for that day.

But i don't honestly thing and i believe that u cannot be 2 nice, but only prob is then if ur having an off day and ur not being as nice are u usually r, they don't return the favour.
but no, i don't think its a turn off.