The Infidelity Conundrum

Aoife-FM104

link removed.

Which is more selfish: infidelity, or confessing infidelity?

In my opinion, people who cheat aren't being selfish, but instead have problems (low self esteem and things like that.)

When they confess their infidelity they are motivated totally by selfishness as in they don't want to carry the guilt anymore.

It's an interesting question!

Terry

a conundrum indeed.
i'd probably say that infidelity is the more selfish of the two. although this all depends on the motives behind the confession. if it's to clear your conscience, then it's probably more selfish.

Terry

closer inspection of the site reveals porn links. 1 wek ban for aoife.

petes

Was just about to mention that.

Oh an infidelity is the more selfish.

connundrum

Someone rang.. no? ok

Infidelity is the greater sin IMO. I think admitting it could be wanting to be honest, truthful etc.

padser

:mad: To think I missed a porn link by only 10 minutes.... :mad:

Terry

connundrum wrote:

Someone rang.. no? ok

Infidelity is the greater sin IMO. I think admitting it could be wanting to be honest, truthful etc.

yes, but you could just be admitting it to ease your conscience, which would make you feel better and is therefore a selfish act.

Terry

padser wrote:

:mad: To think I missed a porn link by only 10 minutes.... :mad:

meh. you didn't miss much.
still against the rules though.

connundrum

julep wrote:

yes, but you could just be admitting it to ease your conscience, which would make you feel better and is therefore a selfish act.

hmmmm.. I get that bit too, and I do agree that it is selfish in one way, but the initial deed is worse. A 70/30 split maybe!

Kinetic^

Chicken or the egg tbh!!!!!!

Confess.........is really a 2 part situation......are you confessing to get rid of guilt or to be honest?

Infidelity.......surely if you're doing it then there's a problem with yourself or the relationship? Either way, it's probably best you end the relationship before you get caught and make a complete arse of you and your partner.

Beetlebum

The act of being unfaithful is way more selfish than admitting to it. When you cheat you're only thinking of yourself and your own pleasure, the last thing on your mind would be your partners pain if they knew what you were up to. I'd like to believe most people confess due to remorse rather than guilt and selfishness.

Come to think of it, it's hard to think of a completely selfless act. Most things we do are quite selfish if ya think about it. Even giving someone a compliment or helping soemone out makes us feel good too so isn't completely unselfish.

Altruism really is dead...

Gordon

Aoife, if you spam your websites again you'll be sitebanned. If you can't get enough traffic to your sites then you can buy bannerspace here for that purpose.

Terry

you want a completely selfless act?
donating your heart while you're still alive. this will kill you and therefore you will not be alive to feel good about it. only works if you don't believe in any kind of afterlife though.

constitutionus

dont know about being selfish but it does make you a whore

i dont buy that crap about insecurity. people cheat cause theyre hedonists, just good ol fashioned lust. real question is why your in a relationship you cant be faithful to (talking generally here, not addressing the OP ) if your a slut embrace it, makes alot more sense than staying in a relationship "because". some people just arent capable of being in a long term relationship

Dragan

Kenny 5 wrote:

Chicken or the egg tbh!!!!!!

Of topic : the egg came first. The question never states whether the egg is a chicken egg…….

On topic : the cheating itself is more selfish….the argument that confessing to ease the troubled mind can just be applied to the initial cheating in the first place.

Kinetic^

Dragan wrote:

Of topic : the egg came first. The question never states whether the egg is a chicken egg…….

Well in this case, it's a chicken egg

Zombrex

Aoife-FM104 wrote:

link removed.

Which is more selfish: infidelity, or confessing infidelity?

In my opinion, people who cheat aren't being selfish, but instead have problems (low self esteem and things like that.)

When they confess their infidelity they are motivated totally by selfishness as in they don't want to carry the guilt anymore.

Isn't that the reason we do most things, guilt if we don't? It doesn't mean it is a bad thing.

Guilt serves a valuable purpose, and it is a bit silly to say that people are being selfish to act on that guilt, as if that is a bad thing (assuming you are suggesting it is a bad thing). For example, if I ran over a kid in my car, would it be a bad, selfish, thing to stop and wait for the police to arrive because I felt so guilty that I had caused an accident.

Also I'm not sure how you can say people who cheat aren't being selfish. I can't think of a better definition of being selfish, doing something for your own pleasure that you know might hurt others. Yes they might be cheating because they have problems, but that doesn't make it less selfish.

Frequent

There is no conundrum here. This is a nonsense question. People cheat because they want to, not because of low self-esteem. I have been tempted to cheat, and it could have gone either way, but I made the right choices. Choosing to do the wrong thing wouldn't have transformed me into a being with low self-esteem or with other issues - it simply would have been a self-focused act that was the ultimate disrespect of my partner.

Black Swan

Aoife-FM104 wrote:

In my opinion, people who cheat aren't being selfish, but instead have problems (low self esteem and things like that.)

The next thing you are going to tell me is that they are the "real" victims of cheating, not the person they are cheating on? That they have this "condition," and therefore should be excused for their infidelity? Or to avoid being "selfish," they should hide their cheating behaviour, and therefore be a more upstanding person? Excuse me while a throwup...

Ruu_Old

Frequent wrote:

There is no conundrum here. This is a nonsense question. People cheat because they want to, not because of low self-esteem. I have been tempted to cheat, and it could have gone either way, but I made the right choices. Choosing to do the wrong thing wouldn't have transformed me into a being with low self-esteem or with other issues - it simply would have been a self-focused act that was the ultimate disrespect of my partner.

Get back on topic ye shower of wassocks! Posts deleted.

Yep, have to agree with the above post. OP, there is no excuse for cheating on a partner, end of storeeeee.

frobisher

Aoife-FM104 wrote:

When they confess their infidelity they are motivated totally by selfishness as in they don't want to carry the guilt anymore.

That is an absurd statement. So therefore if your partner hides their infidelity from you they are being unselfish. Wow. :rolleyes:

Tar.Aldarion

Ruu wrote:

Get back on topic ye shower of wassocks! Posts deleted.

Yep, have to agree with the above post. OP, there is no excuse for cheating on a partner, end of storeeeee.

My reply took so long. :eek:

Which is more selfish: infidelity, or confessing infidelity?
Infidelity.


It's an interesting question!
Nah...

Guilt, selfishness, low self esteem blah blah blah. It's all rubbish, worse than bleedin' Dawson's Creek. If a person in a relationship wants to have sex with someone else, that's between them and their conscience. If they can live with it, good luck to them. Attaching labels is just a nonsense. I used to think it was a Really Shocking Thing too, then you grow up and realise half the country is doing it and it's not the preserve of bad people.