My Boyfriend doesn't make me come

LegacyUser

I've being going out with my boyfriend for 4months, and the more I'm with him the more I love him. He's all you want in a boyfriend but there one problum, which normally I'd end the relationship, the sex is crap. He thinks I'm the best ever in bed and I could be doing the wall. He say's I should teach him, but I haven't a clue want he's doing wrong.

So is there a sex course we can go on or sex therapists? Or what advice?

Marksie

lost in the bed wrote:

He say's I should teach him, but I haven't a clue want he's doing wrong.

So is there a sex course we can go on or sex therapists? Or what advice?

Don't you know your own body and how it should be touched? That is usually where one begins when teaching apartner

I strongly suspect from what little information we can glean that you are not as good as you have been led to believe.

If you have no idea how you respond sexually and cannot impart this to your boyfriend (who seems very eager to learn) then you really have to go back to total basics and relearn about yourself.

Go onto amazon and tap in a query about books, there will be a whole list, chose ones with the best rveiews.

LegacyUser

'Well, first you have to find out what it is you like. To do that, you have to masturbate. When you know what you like, then ask your boyfriend to do just that.'

Talliesin

lost in the bed wrote:

He say's I should teach him, but I haven't a clue want he's doing wrong.

Well, break it down.

Is there anything he's doing right?

How is he at each of the basics; kissing, masturbating you, cunnilingus, intercourse, fondling, massage?

How is he at the mental stuff? What mental state(s) do you like to be in (submissive, dominant, flattered, pretty, sexy, pampered, used, using, wild, in-control, whatever) and does he get you there? Does he know he should? Does he try?

How does his technique masturbating you compare to when you masturbate yourself? There's never a strong correlation between DIY and with someone else, but is he even in the same ballpark?

Are there any fantasies, fetishes, games, variations you enjoy or would like to try? Have you tried them?

BeardyGit

You're responsible for your own orgasm. Plain and simple. Take the helpful advice offered by others but keep that foremost and you'll figure it all out.

Don't bother with the notion of therapists or any of that - You've no need for it if he's loving and willing to work with you between the sheets. Remember that praise and encouragement will be the key to your success - Let him know when he does good and he'll keep on going. Put in the work to teach him and you'll be doing all you need to help him get you off in the best possible way.

And don't forget to reward him too

Gil

LegacyUser

Gil_Dub wrote:

You're responsible for your own orgasm.

I’m aware of that, thought I’d get a new angel on the situation.

marksuttonie wrote:

you are not as good as you have been led to believe.

No, we very open and very bad at lying

Go onto amazon and tap in a query about books

Good point, don’t know why I did think of it!

UR654321 wrote:

To do that, you have to masturbate

I love to masturbate, maybe a little too much.

Talliesin wrote:

Is there anything he's doing right?

How is he at each of the basics; kissing, masturbating you, cunnilingus, intercourse, fondling, massage?

He’s good at massage, ok, but there not sexual, they could be. The basics are poor as if he hasn’t done it with a lot of people. I got around in my time. His mouth seems very watery and I like a firmer tongue. But I guess it time I told him but it’s more where do I start on how bad he is. But the basics are good place to start.

How is he at the mental stuff? What mental state(s) do you like to be in (submissive, dominant, flattered, pretty, sexy, pampered, used, using, wild, in-control, whatever) and does he get you there? Does he know he should? Does he try?

Now we’re getting to the crux of the matter. He loves it wild with a little ruff, I don’t mind. He submissive all the time, I don’t mind being dominant, but I want to be submissive and passive. That when he gets all insecure and says he can’t.
*mmmh, I’m getting horny*

Are there any fantasies, fetishes, games, variations you enjoy or would like to try? Have you tried them?

Nothing much, but, well, besides 3somes & group which seems, well, like, you know, like, cheating or something

Kell

lost in the bed wrote:

He say's I should teach him, but I haven't a clue want he's doing wrong.

And why dont you teach him? After four months like that I would have been outta there and fast. Are you embarassed to tell him what buttons you like pushed?

K-

chamlis

Now we’re getting to the crux of the matter. He loves it wild with a little ruff, I don’t mind. He submissive all the time, I don’t mind being dominant, but I want to be submissive and passive. That when he gets all insecure and says he can’t.
*mmmh, I’m getting horny*

Sounds like Role Play is your friend. He's getting all insecure because the spotlight is now on him and makes him uncomfortable.
But if all of a sudden you're a naughty school girl and he's the head master (you know, whatever works ) I think you'll find he's alot keener.
When you take roles you're playing someone else and don't need to be self conscious.

Plus it's the best fun, as long as ye don't take it too seriously

Marksie

OK, lets work on the principle of what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

And of course that both sexes have a role to play in sex.

There is a very similar thread from the male perspective.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055026640

The posts in that are equally as relevant here all things being equal. It will save posters time if i just post the link i think

Nevyn

There is no reason you can't talk dirty about those fantasys with each other to turn each other on and have a '3some' that way.

Santa Claus

Thaedydal wrote:

There is no reason you can't talk dirty about those fantasys with each other to turn each other on and have a '3some' that way.

Exactly, involve a celebrity in this threesome (as it's most likely impossible to fulfill) and describe what you and Kylie, Angelina, etc would do to him or what you would like he and Brad etc to do for you.

LegacyUser

marksuttonie wrote:

There is a very similar thread from the male perspective.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055026640

I would have thought I had a good male perspective, that is being a man.
While it was good I found the problum to be the reverse.

Lust4Life

Yes, you absolutely must say something or you'll go out of your mind! Start with the big things first - be playful about it when you make suggestions. Once he sees your response, he'll get the hint and continue doing things the right way, I'm sure!

Marksie

lost in bed wrote:

I would have thought I had a good male perspective, that is being a man.
While it was good I found the problum to be the reverse.

I am sorry, but thats a bit unclear.. are you a man?

And the problem is the reverse?? if you look at the advice given, it is exactly what should be followed for most issues of this nature regardless of any given problem.

keynesian

What’s so special about this boy? Find a new one that you don’t need to waste time on. What he got that you can’t find in any one else and have you tried girls.

And why not go and **** around, why just imagine it.

LegacyUser

marksuttonie wrote:

are you a man?
.

yes

And the problem is the reverse?? .

Well, sort of, but that problem was about coming to quickly and not being able to please their partner.

Marksie

lost in bed wrote:

Well, sort of, but that problem was about coming to quickly and not being able to please their partner.

No in fact if you read the thread it is more about the issue of only thinking with genitals and of ego.

This issue isnt about being to please each other? Same issues in the end.

I still am not convinced about your assertation that you are "very open". It strikes me that if you are very open you would be intrinsically communicating what you both want, need and desire and therefore you would not be in a situation where you would "not have a clue what he is doing wrong". Similarly, i think a revisit and an examination of the ego would significantly help here as well.

Stating...... "*mmmh, I’m getting horny*".. I find quite strange to place in a post, perhaps it would be better if you communicated this to your boyfriend?

Also was there a particular reason for not stating it was a same sex relationship initially? We had limited information to go on and it may have helped a lot of posters to clarify the situation. I admit, i am not surprised that this nugget of information appeared like this though.

*sigh* while i do doubt the veracity of this thread for some reason, but the advice holds true for anyone in a similar position, be it same sex or male/female.

Talliesin

Lost in bed wrote:

Now we’re getting to the crux of the matter. He loves it wild with a little ruff, I don’t mind. He submissive all the time, I don’t mind being dominant, but I want to be submissive and passive. That when he gets all insecure and says he can’t.

This combination contains a possible solution to some parts of it and a potential further problem.

If he tends towards a submissive attitude it can be easier to tell him flat out to do or not do something without him getting a negative attitude about it. If he's submissive to the point of being into D/s you can just boss him around.

This gets you over some of the issues that can come up when you're trying to tell your lover something and they take it badly. Subbies don't take it badly but just do what they're told (and if they don't you can spank them and then tell them again).

That you want to be submissive, or at least passive, sometimes and he's always leaning towards being submissive is a whole different problem, possibly even an insoluable one (it has been for some couples I've known) but not necessarily. He may very well find it easiler to take charge more once he's more confidence in what he's doing (hey, he can hardly push you down on the bed, rip off your shirt and then go "eh, what do I do now?" it just won't work) or you might become happier with him having a submissive attitude if it starts working well for you.

Lost in bed wrote:

Nothing much, but, well, besides 3somes & group which seems, well, like, you know, like, cheating or something

Well whether threesomes are like cheating, are cheating or not at all like cheating is a matter to decide on if you ever get to the point where you are seriously considering this. It's definitely not something to try in practice if either of you aren't confident with how you are sexually in yourselves and with each other. Could still be a source of some sexy talk though.

marksuttonie wrote:

the advice holds true for anyone in a similar position, be it same sex or male/female

The one way where it being same-sex could have an effect is the notion that with same-sex couples you've an advantage of having a better idea how your partner's body is going to work due to them having the same bits as you do.

It's a nice idea, there's a degree of truth it doesn't always hold true (believe me, I've had gay lovers that hadn't a clue )

There's just as much need to learn about both what's good in general and what's good specifically for your lover with same-sex couples as for hets.

LegacyUser

'

keynesian wrote:

What’s so special about this boy?

Easy, his brain. Unlike you I believe the brain to be the most powerful of the human organs.

Marksuttonie wrote:

the issue of only thinking with genitals and of ego.

Your right I have a very big ego but it’s not getting in the way, at lest I don’t think so, no I sure it’s not. As for genital, best sex I had this year was non-penetrate.

the advice holds true for anyone in a similar position, be it same sex or male/female

I would agree that’s, like, why I let my gender out of the OP.

I still am not convinced about your assertation that you are "very open".

Well, like, I showed him the post, last night. He, like total, bursting his sides laughing, at the assumptions people were making.

Talliesin, It’s nice to see some one talking sense.

Well I must thank you all in fact, cause we had I great night last night. And be the end we got to the core of some issue, which had nothing to do with egos or genital. I found the novel approach I was looking for.

Oh, yes, it’s back to basics all right. Like, I mean from the ground up, starting with the simplest. I demonstrated the most basic neck to just under naval touch and lick on his body. Btw this one always works girl/boy, it’s a classic. Then got him to do it on me. Well, like, I mean, I had to show him how use his hand and the right amount on presser to uses. Even showed him the right way to use the tongue, like, not like a dog.

Step by step, this could take some time.'

Talliesin

lost in bed wrote:

Step by step, this could take some time.

Should be fun though. Enjoy!

arybvtcw0eolkf

Gil_Dub wrote:

You're responsible for your own orgasm. Plain and simple.

I like to say... "sex is like a race... Whoever cum's first, wins!!".

When it comes to an orgasim IMO you should be alittle selfish and go for it yourself.

LegacyUser

So, we're like making progess, which is cool. And for the first time since we first started going out I come inside him.

Plus now I've got him to be the top. NEW PROBLUM, I haven't been ****ed in a while and he has a thick cock. So when should you stop ****ting blood. It happened to me befor, but I can remember.

Gordon

Ehh, I don't think you should ever poop blood..

Talliesin

A mild scratch can cause there to be blood in stools. Sometimes even mild pressure on the prostate can cause their to be some blood, but it's more likely to be in the cum than in stools.

If it continues for more than a day, if there is ongoing pain, if there seems to be quite a lot, or if you feel at all unsure about things, then please go to a doctor immediately.

doll-face

I have the same problem doll. Like sometimes he is amazing but rarely.
Like I do love him and the same as yourself I think the world of him but to me sex is a big part of a relationship. So I just dont know what to do!!

Let me know how it works out??